Crushed Heart Room (poem)

Put my heart in the crushed heart room

With all the other pathetic clichéd souls

Who were stupid enough to give away 

Their entire being

Put my tears in the vat of those 

Who say they’d do anything for him

But would rather just cry

Put my mind in the nursery

Of wretched obsessive teenage girls

As Taylor Swift rocks the pink sponges to sleep

But they will never sleep

Spinning constant tapestries of endless

Implausible fantasies 

Starring the one who left them behind

Play the world’s smallest violin 

For the sucker who almost 

Put her foot in her mouth

Thank God I found out before 

I wore my heart on my sleeve

But he just put his hand inside me

And crushed it

Before I could even tell him anything

So does it matter what I did?

And this isn’t poetry

I’m not doing anything really

Just trying to be alive

But why?

Trying to lose weight

For what?

Trying to keep my job

To survive

What’s keeping me here?

I can’t stop thinking that it isn’t true

That you were misquoted

But it’s the end

I can’t feed that poor brain 

Any more love propaganda

Without resistance

Acid reflux

How fucking romantic

He doesn’t think I’m worth being with 

So why should I be worth anything to anyone?

He ruined all the other guys for me

I let him do that

They’re just hot guys

I’d never date them

I just don’t know what to say or do

Can’t bother to rhyme

This isn’t a limerick

Or a Shakespeare play 

Or a Doctor Seuss book

I don’t know where to go

Why do anything?

I have to see him all the time

Hang out with him

He wants to string me along

Like a little balloon that he’ll...

...release to the sky

When he’s bored with it

Float up to the blue endless sky 

Tears blown away by the wind as he 

Walks away as if I was never in his hands

As he grows smaller and smaller

Irrelevant

South Park/Billy Talent/Losing Weight

My tastes change so quickly, I'm so fleeting in my affection haha.

South Park:

I've suddenly become obsessed with South Park.  Before a week or so ago, I'd only seen a couple episodes of this and found it okay but not amazing with some funny moments.  But watching more of their episodes, I have discovered that not only is this show much better than Family Guy, but Matt Stone and Trey Parker are masters of irony.  Every episode generally adheres to a general formula:

1. Problem arises, usually due to the ignorance of the townsfolk or the children because their parents and teachers don't teach them anything.

2. Chef encounter with the same dialogue each time and often Chef sings a song about sex.

2. Episode revolves around an important political issue, social trend or celebrity.  Usually something very current and relevant.

3. Cartman acts like a greedy, racist douche.

4. Usually a Terence and Philip episode excerpt which is hilarious and usually an immature fart joke.

5. Kenny dies, "Oh my God they killed Kenny!", "You bastards!"

6. Problem solved.

7. Kyle's "I learned something today speech" which generally causes people to stop being insane for the moment.

However within that formula that makes up nearly every South Park episode are some amazing jokes, hilarious characters and sad, but legitimate truths.  Strangely enough, I do feel like "I learned something" after every episode.

The best thing about this show is their proficient use of irony.

Some examples:

"Christian Rock Hard" 

The boys (Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters) in this episode start a band but when they try to download music for free online to "find their sound" they get arrested and the police officer gives them a "heart-wrenching" speech about how, because of illegal downloads, celebrities can't spend as lavishly as they used to, only being able to afford things that are really expensive, but not as expensive as the obscenely expensive things they used to buy.  

"Passion of the Jew"

Cartman's speech to "Passion of the Christ" fans where he is talking about another Holocaust (wearing a Hitler costume, I might add) while they believe he is talking about making more people watch the Passion or convert to Christianity.  He eventually gets them to chant something about death to Jews in German while they believe they are speaking Aramaic, like in the movie.  Another hilarious thing about this episode is their caricature of Mel Gibson as absolutely insane.

There are so many other examples.  Most examples leave me laughing hysterically...

Also, I'm again listening profusely to Billy Talent for probably the ninth time.  It's like I can never get tired of them.  Their new album is really awesome.  And it turns out they are great music for working out.  I've loved this band since middle school or high school and they're still putting out amazing music!  Can't wait for their new album this coming fall!  Judging by the sound of Billy Talent III I think it will be just as impressive.

My weight loss plan for this summer:

I'm going to try something crazy this summer.  It was basically inspired by a visit to the doctor a couple months ago...

I was generally healthy, except that I was 155-160 pounds and 5''3, which according to her is Overweight.  I should be 105-135 pounds, so I am about 20 pounds overweight.  My BMI is 28.  She told me to lose the weight in a couple months, slowly as opposed to quickly.  I knew this already as I had calculated my BMI on the computer several times before that but it was depressing to hear a doctor say that I was overweight and I needed to lose weight.  

Before a year or two ago I had never been overweight.  I had always been the right weight.  Also, looking at myself in the mirror, I don't look overweight.  I look average weight.  Hardly anyone has ever told me I need to lose weight or that I am fat.  I'm not extremely muscular but I do have muscles and I wonder if that makes me more overweight than I actually am on the BMI scale.  

Nevertheless, the first couple months after that doctor's appointment I was indignant.  She had not told me how to lose the weight and spoke to me as if it would be extremely easy and simple.  The doctor herself was not obese, but not slim either.  So, feeling like I shouldn't have to try to lose weight at all, I didn't change anything about my diet or exercise.

But this summer, like many summers before, I have much more time on my hands, and I exercise more.  This summer I have decided to try something completely new.  I have never dieted before, except for the fact that I am vegetarian, but I have seen so many people try diets and fail, and I find that I am hungry really often.  I thought, "losing weight would be so much easier if all you had to do was exercise."  Exercise is invigorating and fun and makes me have more energy and sleep better.  On the internet I googled "Can you lose weight by only exercising?" and people were divided on the issue, some people saying it was impossible and some saying it was a good method.  

So, this summer I will exercise at least six times a week for 30-90 minutes, NOT CHANGING MY DIET AT ALL for two months (May 7-July 7) and see what happens.  At first I said every day, but there are some days when I feel lethargic or depressed.  I generally try to make myself exercise on those do-nothing days but occasionally it doesn't happen.  So, at least six times a week.  So far, with almost a month done, I have only missed two days, with one day that I only walked for 10 minutes (which half counts, I guess).  My methods of exercise so far are walking, biking, elliptical, exercise bike, swimming and DDR.  My favourites are walking, swimming, biking and DDR (Dance Dance Revolution).  Yup, everything except the gym, but I'll get into that in a moment...  I like to mix things up so I don't get too bored with what I'm doing, and so far, it's been quite enjoyable.  Sometimes I even look forward to it.  For biking and walking I like to try different routes each day, exploring a different part of my city each day, which is fun.  I'd love some suggestions for other forms of exercise to try to keep things interesting.  So far my weight has been consistently 158-161 but I feel thinner and more energetic and productive.  And if that is all I get from this, at least I have that!  I also keep a basic diary (type of exercise, duration, weight) to track my progress.  So we'll see what happens.  I think I might lose some weight but in the end, I'll probably need to change my diet as well, which will suck.  Hopefully my plan will succeed and I can still eat Kraft Dinner and delicious, delicious carbs!

Summer at University and Current Obsessions

Hello everyone!

I haven't posted much beyond just stories and poetry lately so I thought I would just generally ramble about my life right now.

Firstly, I seem to always announce my various "phases" and "obsessions" which seem to be constantly changing since I immerse myself in my obsession until I get extremely tired of it.  So, now I will announce what I am currently obsessed with.

Website: writerscafe.org

This is a really awesome website where you can post literally any kind of writing and a lot of your stuff will get reviewed.  It's really nice if you want feedback.  There are also several fun contests and I think even writing classes in which to participate.  You can even make your own contest, which is fun if you want to read writing in a specific category.  It also makes me feel kind of important, which is great because I have not been feeling important lately.

Here I am: http://www.writerscafe.org/HedonisticHermit

deviantart.com

This is another website I love.  You can post literally any kind of writing on there.  You can also find art, photography and fiction depicting the strangest things.  It's a great place to find fan fiction and fan art, even things that are rather obscure.  The quality can range from excessively mediocre to professional.  I've found some really amazing pieces of art on there.  It also doesn't censor people that much.  As long as you are over 18 or something you can see all kinds of lovely naughty images.  I've mostly been using it for my poetry and writing and I have been getting some feedback, which is nice.

Here I am: http://hedonistichermit.deviantart.com/

Notice how I am always Hedonistic Hermit?  Yup, I planned it that way.  Mwahaha!

Music:

Death Cab for Cutie

This is currently my largest obsession.  So far I have been replaying "Narrow Stairs" constantly, but I attained "Plans" today and I'm hoping on getting more albums from the library soon.

I specifically love the songs "Cath...", "I Will Possess Your Heart", "Long Division" and "Twin-Sized Bed."  Their songs are simultaneously full of beauty and energy.  "Cath..." sort of reminds me of Matthew Good.  I love to imagine a music video for each song as I listen to it.  I get kind of annoyed when I watch a music video that doesn't try to follow the message of the song and they just try to make it look cool instead but I get really excited when they get it right!  Of the few videos I've seen of Death Cab I would say that they are talented video-makers.

What got me into this band was my constant debate with my younger brother about whether Owl City is a good band and whether Owl City is copying Ben Gibbard and his various musical projects.  For the record I can hear that Adam Young is using a similar singing voice to Gibbard, but their music seems really different.

Death Cab for Cutie is indie pop/rock with some electronics and while Postal Service is more electronic pop/rock which is the same genre as Owl City, I think those two projects are extremely different from each other.

Much of The Postal Service's material is remixes and their music is much more serious and melancholy than Owl City.

Owl City, in contrast, is about as optimistic and cheerful as music can get. And I understand that happy music is not everyone's cup of tea.  You need your sad songs for break-ups, lost jobs, deaths, etc.  But Owl City, at least to me, is constantly able to cheer me up from whatever depression I am in.  It's just so happy, carefree and full of fantasy.  The songs are made up of stories of love, friendship, nature, determination, dreams, etc.  Whenever I put on Owl City I feel like I have been transported to a different world where there are no problems.  A world full of benevolent technology, warm weather, beaches, animals, good company, travelling, etc.  A fantasy of the best world ever isn't supposed to make sense, it's just supposed to feel like some kind of amazing acid trip.  And in my opinion: Mission accomplished, Mr. Young!  Also, Owl City does not do as many remixes and he uses different electronic effects.  So that is why I like Owl City and how they are different from the Postal Service.

Here is an Owl City clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_PjqZXKcr0&feature=BFa&list=PL4C8031CE6A158D09&shuffle=413915

It is not a common Owl City track, because he isn't singing but it is my favourite Owl City song right now.


MC Frontalot

Just starting to get into him.  Not sure if it will become a full-blown phase.  But I just wanted to emphasize the fact that this amazing man has made a career out of being a nerd... wait for it... and open your mind REAL WIDE for this one... THAT RAPS!!  That's right, you are hearing me correctly, a nerd that raps.  And he raps about nerdy stuff.  This just makes the world such an amazing place in my opinion.  Also, he wrote a rap based on a famous meme ("First World Problems").

Shad and Dallas Green


Only two songs together but they are both mind-blowingly amazing.  Shad's intelligent, poignant lyrics about leaving a legacy and about listening to music combined with Dallas Green's angelic voice and brilliant improvising is basically aural crack.  Probably the best Canadian duo since Gord Downie and Dallas Green.  Okay there are other great duos, but none are coming to mind right now except Geddy Lee with Bob and Doug McKenzie.  Come to think of it, I would love to see RUSH and City and Colour do something together.  Hmmm...  One can only hope.

Television:

Family Guy

Reasons?  It is extremely funny and I have finished all the other shows I like.  But I have developed a crush on a couple of the characters (the two Goldmans) on the show, so I hope they will show up in future episodes!  I actually really love the new seasons of this show.  I have been watching backward and I have reached seasons 1 and 2, but I don't want to watch them because the quality is so old-school compared to 3-10.  I'll admit to liking the slicker look.  And Meg's early voice really annoys me in those seasons.  She doesn't sound nearly psychotic enough.

I'm also following The Office and How I Met Your Mother.  The Office is starting to get better, which is exciting!

Summer Courses:


I am done the fourth year of my degree, but I still have another course requirement and I want to get an English minor because I really like english and reading literature as well as writing.  Therefore I will be doing a summer semester and a fall semester and then I will graduate.  Whenever I tell anyone this they look at me oddly and fake enthusiasm.  I don't know why they disapprove of me getting an english minor and spending extra time at university so much.  It really annoys me, but I'm trying not to let it bother me.  I may be doing a creative writing course in the fall which would be really exciting.  I love to write, as you can tell right now.

Right now I am taking two courses in a period called intersession where they jam material into a small period of time that is shorter than a normal semester so I hope I will be able to keep on top of my work.  I am taking a course that is a survey of British Literature from the 18th century to 20th century (my first online course) and another course that covers Canadian Literature that is Contemporary (post-1980).

I'll be reading The Underpainter (Jane Urquhart), Three Day Road (Joseph Boyden), Soucouyant (David Chariandy), The Englishman's Boy (Guy Vanderhaeghe), Silas Marner (George Eliot), The Playboy of the Western World (J.M. Synge) and A Passage to India (E.M. Forster).  I pray that I survive...

I'm trying to find a job in this university city but so far not too much luck.  Once I get into the groove of things I'll probably start getting determined and maybe finding some work.

Wish me luck and I hope this doesn't end up being too stressful!