Disney porn

So apparently making porn of cartoon and Disney characters is really appealing to a lot of people.  I guess it's just because the cartoons are so pure, innocent and wholesome (dare I say holier-than-thou?), it almost seems inevitable that they are already either secretly corrupt or that they really need to be corrupted.  If you don't believe this, look up Kim Possible on google image search with safe search turned off.  My brother showed me this and it was unbelievable what there was to choose from in terms of nude and sexual images.  They even had a Kim Possible version of the aristocrats, using the Possible family.  I guess that's a quintuplet orgy?  A quinsome?  Anyway, I will never look at that cartoon the same way again.  But it seems pretty much any Disney movie or cartoon in general seems to have a large pile of porn associated with it.  I won't show you any of the really dirty stuff (you can look it up yourself if you're curious), but I found this set of pictures amusing, and really, really well done.  Basically, an artist has depicted all of the famous Disney heroes and princes as hot underwear models.  Well, they left out Mickey and Donald and such.  I guess they mostly just depicted the human ones.  They even have a delicious depiction of the live action Disney prince from Enchanted.

Enjoy...

http://youbentmywookie.com/wtf/these-aint-your-mamas-typical-disney-princes-7312

My only complaints were that John Smith wasn't muscular enough and that Milo Thatch was too muscular.

Sexism

Bored on a Monday night, I decided to look up "woman" on UrbanDictionary, just to see how people define the word.  The site is often full of opinionated definitions and I expected some sexism.  The first five pages or so were full of people reacting in anger to offensive definitions posted earlier and their definitions praised the strength, beauty and independence of women.  I decided to hunt for the sexist definitions pages ahead.  Here is what I found:

"a man's sex toy for a very short period of time until he finds a new one" "A portable sandwich making machine, but can also double up as a personal sex machine." "The useless skin around a vagina." "An Object, not unlike a toaster."  "creatures which cannot seem to do anything right, ever." I was most affected by the definition, "the useless skin around a vagina."   It is so cruel and callous, and yet I admire it's simplicity and wit.   There were several pages of insulting comments with hundreds of likes on each one.   I noticed that these insults were "revenge" for definitions in the "man"  section of UrbanDictionary, so I went to that page,  wondering if the comments there were any worse.  I doubted it. I found these definitions: "A person with two heads." "A derogatory term for someone who is being unfair, stupid, idiotic, asshole-like, monstrous etc..." "A twisted creature that hates women but still wants to fuck them." "Baby-maker and/or sex toy.  Should be tied to a bed at all times for convenience and to avoid havoc." This one was a hilarious comeback from the women:  "The useless lump of flesh surrounding the penis." "The ultimate source of all EVIL" There were also some pro-man definitions, but not nearly as many as there were for women. Apparently the men were so pissed off by these definitions (supposedly but not proven to be written by women) that they decided to let out their inner male chauvinist pigs and fight back. But do these stupid definitions give either men or women an excuse to insult each other?  Not really.  What both parties want is to be treated equally and to not be belittled.  More sexism will not solve this.  I think this kind of "retaliation" is ridiculously pointless.  Both women and men should reconcile and try to treat each other with respect instead of bitterly putting each other down.  Anyway that is my rant for today. If you have some eloquent literary opinions on the issue of sexism, enter my contest on Writerscafe: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Sexism/46155/ On another note, I have a "post-infectious cough" apparently, which basically equals a painful, never-ending dry cough and a nasty cold.  I was supposed to sing at a Family gathering yesterday and at a Canada Day event today, but my singing sounds like Tom Waits so I couldn't do either performance.  I've had this cold for the past week and it has been hell.  My nose is runny, red and painful, I feel lethargic all the time, it's hard to breathe, my sense of taste is weaker (but not completely gone), my ears are plugged up so it is hard to hear, my throat is full of phlegm, I'm constantly coughing, when I sneeze mucus flies everywhere and it really hurts (projectile sneeze), I'm hardly ever hungry and when I laugh I sound like I'm on helium.  I know I don't have cancer or anything, but it's a really crappy cold.  I feel utterly useless. This is embarrassing, but since this is an unpopular anonymous blog, I don't see the danger in telling you.  My coughing is so violent that it causes me to pee my pants.  Even if I just peed!  It is really frustrating and embarrassing.  Lately I have been using my menstrual pads for this and they have actually been working pretty well.  Sorry for that disgusting confession, but I really wanted to tell someone... or something.   I'm pretty much certain I got this cough/cold from my brother.  Everyone in my family has it now, so I guess it's contagious. I have been doing lots of things to get better, but they haven't been working since my cold either gets worse or stays the same.  I guess I just have to wait it out.  The doctor says it will take 2-3 more weeks, which is very saddening!   The doctor prescribed us a cough medicine that contains hydrocodone.  Yup, the main ingredient in Vicadin.  I looked it up and it is pretty much illegal to use in cough syrup in the U.S. (I am Canadian).  So far, the only side effects I have had are drowsiness, weird dreams and flashing when I close my eyes to go to sleep.  I also sometimes hear buzzing in my ears. I hope I'll get better soon.  Happy Canada Day, everyone! (Sorry to those who aren't Canadian...)

The Walrus and the Narwhal

One last poem for today.  Note: I want to make most of my poems into songs, so some of them have choruses and verses and such.

The Walrus and the Narwhal:

The results are in
I couldn't resist
I had to find my future
So I opened the box
and had a little fun
All I ever wanted
was the narwhal and the walrus

I dusted it off
the plastic green box
from my days of innocence
full of tiny noble animals
from every kingdom
So precious to me
I couldn't ever give it away

I dusted them off
and put them in couples
everything in pairs
everyone in pairs
Just like our world
And I wanted the walrus
but what choice did I have?
So I added some consolation prizes...

I'm bound to get one of them
The Walrus who slouches
The Ant who never listens
The Turtle who talks to himself
The Whale with the deformity
The Praying Mantis (too religious!)
The T-Rex with the family situation
Or at least the Shark who seems a little gay
I entered with seven ballots

So I paired the world off
the animal kingdom
inter species was the point
but it couldn't work
I got the seal
Probably beautiful
but not who I want
Dissapointment ruled me
And I had to know what happened
Maybe I just wanted power?
Well they all found other species
Probably forgot about me
even the Walrus
he got an old Elephant

The feeling was dangerous
nostalgic
but all I ever wanted
was the Walrus and the Narwhal