Stoner Food Reviews, Day 9

Hello fellow bloggers and blog-stalkers!  Time to have one of the greatest meals of my life... you'll see in a second, but first I need to announce that Aesop Rock is actually a pretty good rapper.  There, I admitted it.

Rotini and elbows with tomato sauce and parmesan: A tad crunchy or undercooked, but I really like it way.  The tomato sauce is sparse and not too overpowering.  Also just the way I like it.  The noodles are tender and chewy.  When I notice the parmesan, the flavours are perfect.  Small chunks of tomato in the sauce explode with flavour.  Perfect temperature, the temperature of human breath.

Chocolate-Caramel-Pecan Cheesecake from M&M Meats: So little and dainty, but the other time I had that cheesecake today, I remember it was quite filling, or maybe that was the soup.  Mmmmmmm; cheesy, nutty, chocolatey.  This cheese cake is luxurious.  It's nice and cold; almost refreshing.  In my last bite I can taste the graham crumbs and they're delicious.

Basmati Rice from an Indian restaurant: Spicy, flavourful, soft and dainty.  Can't stop eating.  It's warm and moist.  Nom nom.  It's so full of spices.

Next time: We eat the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  *licks lips*

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 8

Hello there.  I am going to watch an episode of Frasier and hopefully an ASMR video so I am excited for that.  I wonder if ASMR is good high.  Without further ado, I give you...

Mrs. Vickies Sweet Chili and Sour Cream Chips: crunchy texture, brittle and snapable, sometimes has a weird aftertaste.  More savoury and flavourful than spicy.  The first flavour that hits my tongue is very serious; it means business.  Good, but more for the feeling of chewing than the flavour, which is more prominent sober for some reason.

Marzipan: I love this stuff obsessively addictive sober, so its even worse high.  Half a tube was already gone from the past few days, but tonight I decide to finish the entire second half instead of saving it for a recipe.  I'm just ramming it into my mouth nonstop, with awkward finger digs from the moist, malleable substance.  Sweet, almondy, delicious.  I love Marzipan...  The side of it smells like beeswax and lemon.

Have a good day while I have a good sleep!

Next time: We review a banana....................... peel................................ :(

P.S. ASMR is good high, but better sober.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 7

Hello my "loyal" followers-of-none.  How are the voids of your lives doing today?  Today we shall review some of the most delicious foods known to man; strawberries and Kraft Dinner Alfredo.  Begin!

Strawberries: Tart and then sweet.  They have the same feeling as raspberries; delicious yet pure and healthy.  So moist and juicy with a chewy yet crunchy texture, especially at the narrowest part of the strawberry.  Your mouth subtly explodes with juice during each bite.

Kraft Dinner Alfredo: Mmmmm...  That's just right with a side of perfection.  Bam!  Right in the kisser!  So good.  This dish is so creamy and flavourful; I can taste the garlic and oregano blending with other flavours.  Cozy warm on my tongue.  The noodles are slick with creamy sauce.  I think I need to be alone with this dish for a while... ;)

Next time: We eat pirate skulls and bones, sticks and stones and weed and bombs!  Honestly all I wanna do is *bang* *bang *bang* *bang* and *click* *Kaching!* and take your money.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 6

Veerrrry hiiiigggh.  Wow.  Um, I don't think any alcohol will be needed tonight. *wink*  I love the Mars Voltaaa!

Popcorn (President's Choice, if you must know): butter.  Butter.  Mmmmm... Mmmmmm....  I'll be back in a few minutes, gentlemen...

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 4

Happy Hump day/Wednesday.  Once again, it is late in the day for me, because I have poor planning and self-control.  There, I admitted it.

Today I shall be reviewing this:

Havana Club rum: Bitter, rich aftertaste, tastes slightly sweet, warms up my throat as it goes down, it evens buzzes my nose with warmth as it goes down, not that good-tasting (I prefer Sambuca or Cinnamon Schnapps), tastes a bit like frogs as it goes down, I can't imagine trying to get drunk on a bottle of this, I think I'd gag; good thing it's just a small sample.  Glad that's over.  I really don't get why people like the appeal to the taste of hard liquor.  Sure, it's faster than other drinks and therefore more convenient, but I think that sacrifices a lot in terms of taste.  Some hard liquors are tasty, but most are abysmal.  I'm sure many people will call me an idiot, but it's better to be honest about what you like and don't like.  Don't pretend to like something if you don't understand the appeal.

I might have a snack with this.  Let's take a looksie...  

Toast with butter and strawberry jam: I can't comprehend eating with my left for some reason.  I'll try.  Ok.  Better. Sugary, strawberry flavour, it sticks to my lips.  When the butter and strawberry meet, it's like everything in the universe is good.  Not the best bread, which can take away from the flavour.  I love the evening.  That was lovely.  It's best on blueberry bagels, though.

Goodnight, stoners of the world!

Disney porn

So apparently making porn of cartoon and Disney characters is really appealing to a lot of people.  I guess it's just because the cartoons are so pure, innocent and wholesome (dare I say holier-than-thou?), it almost seems inevitable that they are already either secretly corrupt or that they really need to be corrupted.  If you don't believe this, look up Kim Possible on google image search with safe search turned off.  My brother showed me this and it was unbelievable what there was to choose from in terms of nude and sexual images.  They even had a Kim Possible version of the aristocrats, using the Possible family.  I guess that's a quintuplet orgy?  A quinsome?  Anyway, I will never look at that cartoon the same way again.  But it seems pretty much any Disney movie or cartoon in general seems to have a large pile of porn associated with it.  I won't show you any of the really dirty stuff (you can look it up yourself if you're curious), but I found this set of pictures amusing, and really, really well done.  Basically, an artist has depicted all of the famous Disney heroes and princes as hot underwear models.  Well, they left out Mickey and Donald and such.  I guess they mostly just depicted the human ones.  They even have a delicious depiction of the live action Disney prince from Enchanted.

Enjoy...

http://youbentmywookie.com/wtf/these-aint-your-mamas-typical-disney-princes-7312

My only complaints were that John Smith wasn't muscular enough and that Milo Thatch was too muscular.

Riddles

These are some old riddles I made.  The answers are at the bottom of the post.  Don't peak!

1. This world has many disguises and accessories.  It may have bumps one day, dots another, often many trenches, and very rarely some mountains and hills.  It all depends where you travel.  It can take on a variety of colours; Red, Blue, Yellow, White, Purple and Black.  A chameleon of conditions, ever vulnerable.  What is it?

2. It bars the way but pulls lies out of our mouths.  It puts the forks in the roads and makes mud surround our feet while with it we swoon for money.  It stings you while you work, blocks the way to your big leap, separates you from other people...  This deadly sin causes most worldly problems.  What is it?

3. Made up of firsts and seconds, this toolbox has many materials; silver, wood, brass, strings, steel and even plastic.  It comes with instructions on paper, but they are strange alien symbols.  Luckily you are supplied with a magic wand.  Combine that and your logic and ears and you will have a work of art, prone to pretentiosity.  What is it?

4. Swallows your pride, never on your side, encourages lying, yawning, ambition, stealing and tea.  You share with them one of your greatest secrets so that they can harness it.  Your best friend and your worst enemy.  What is it?

5. Your body's boss, your brain's power-hungry advisor.  What is it?

6. Never warm until it's gone, always beautiful, can be deadly, made of fragile crystals, born of the never-ending blue.  What is it?

7. Acts as if you are a stranger, insults you, twists your arm and knows nearly everything about you.  He would bite the bullet for you in any danger.  What is it?

8. It's descendants stand on top of it's trunk.  Below, it soaks it's toes in hell.  Without it, these words wouldn't be written in my notebook.  What is it?

9. The noise and culture of a subway station, squeezed into a giant Crayola box with wheels.  What is it?

10. It is as intricate and detailed as mathematics.  Every spasm-causing agent has several formulas.  Each culture has it's own stationary set.  It belongs to everyone and can never be taken away!  It was once free until the men in white wigs put it in a cage made of paper and threw in a few nasty creatures called critics.  It is still capable of unleashing emotions but most of it's catches are lumpy, salty and runny.  What is it?

11. A miniature planet earth built from convulsions and think-on-your-feet arithmetic.  This robotic fortune teller is often associated with Romans.  What is it?

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Answers:

1. Skin




2. Pride




3. A Band or Orchestra




4. A singing teacher




5. Pain




6. Snow




7. A brother




8. A tree




9. A school bus




10. Music or music today




11. A clock



Hope you liked my riddles.  Use them as quiz questions when people want stuff from you.

Example:

My brother: Can you buy me some ice cream?
Me: Okay but you have to answer this riddle first.
My brother: Okay I'll do it.
Me: (insert one of my riddles) What is it?  You get three guesses.
My brother: Um, a house?
Me: Nope.
My brother: Um, a book?
Me: Nope.
My brother: Um, the ocean?
Me: *shakes head*  Sorry, no ice cream for you.

And if you're really mean...

My brother: What was it then?
Me: Not telling.  You'll have to keep guessing the next time you want something.
My brother: I hate you.
Me: I hate you too.

This happens to be a really great money and resource-saving strategy!!

Okay, bye for now!  Happy New Year's!