Hospital Whisper
Your voice was so cold
when I told you
Different, inhuman
I never experienced that
I guess I thought telling you
would change you
into a superhero
who would save the damsel in distress
The girl who lost her mother
Pitch black
But my eyes had adapted
I knew from the start
you were a douche
But I've become blind lately
It was just like
Just like you were
Talking to a patient in a hospital
at night
As if you were about to rape her
Maybe you're a vulture
But I don't think you feed on that meat
It was just so fake
And I regretted it
Thinking I could trust you
You don't care
I guess
Why would you?
I want to know
how you work
How you've become this
but it's too late
I leave tomorrow at eleven
No time
No time to even give you a chance
And we both say "you" so much
Me because I loved you
You because you wanted to lead me on
I guess that's all it ever was
just trying to catch a fish
And every time you asked me about school
it was just to know your fucking deadline
I still hope it isn't true
I pray for flowers or nice words
But I know deep down
nothing will happen tomorrow
Time will tell
Just prove it to me
Maybe I have to cry
I was really hoping not
But the way things are going
it probably won't take much
I loved you
It seemed you were the only one
who noticed my glasses or my hair
No boy ever could before
Now I know why your act was so important
Or do I?
What's in it for you?
I'll never know
And I still hope it isn't true
I wish for flowers or nice words from you
But I can tell you're bored stiff
You know all the tricks
and you just want the loot
you'd rather stare at my flat chest
And daydream until I'm trhough
Mom would never approve of you
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Today and Missing Mom
It's snowing again! I love it when it snows. When I went outside to pick up my history paper, there were millions of snowflakes floating through the air. But the cold was nearly burning my face off. The pros and cons of winter.
I got a B- on my paper. I wanted an A of course, but a decent mark is fine. I'm very relieved! I finished writing that paper literally five minutes before the due date. I was really last minute.
I woke up at 2 pm today. I'm very ashamed. I went to bed at 3 am, but it's still pretty deplorable, not to mention a record-breaker.
I need to study for my history final, so I don't want to waste too much time. I want to ace it!
I went shopping at the mall by myself yesterday. Very enjoyable, albeit crowded. And I was thinking about how much I missed shopping with mom. How I usually loved spending that time with her. But I was a kid then. But then I realized... I'm an adult. I dress myself, I can drive, take the bus, the train all on my own, I make my own food, I have jobs and have had jobs, most of the money in my bank account was earned, I see my family less often (sometimes only twice a month) because I'm getting less and less dependent on them, no one wakes me up in the morning, I can legally drink, and I do (I've acquired a taste for white wine and cheap beer), I have my own room in an apartment, no one tells me to do chores, do my homework, clean my room, I buy my own groceries and shop on my own. In a few years I might be completely independent, with a boyfriend or husband, a job in music, my own house. I'm a woman, not a girl. It feels weird to say that. But I miss my mom. I always wanted to watch the Nutcracker with her during the holidays. Why didn't we do that? I miss shopping with her, watching concerts, musicals, operas with her, riding the GO train with her, asking her for advice on outfits, makeup, hair. Asking her what the high was (she always knew), her waking me up early, decorating the Christmas tree with her, baking and cooking together, practicing while she worked in the study, driving lessons (she either looked completely worried or not worried at all), watching chick flicks with her, camping trips as a family, seeing her pull into the driveway after a long day at work, speaking french with her. So many memories. But for some reason I especially miss our shopping trips at Erin Mills. We'd leave and say we'd be gone for an hour, but we were gone for four hours. Dad would call us and say, "Where ARE you?!" and mom would tell him that we were almost done or on our way home. She was a shopaholic. I miss her.
I got a B- on my paper. I wanted an A of course, but a decent mark is fine. I'm very relieved! I finished writing that paper literally five minutes before the due date. I was really last minute.
I woke up at 2 pm today. I'm very ashamed. I went to bed at 3 am, but it's still pretty deplorable, not to mention a record-breaker.
I need to study for my history final, so I don't want to waste too much time. I want to ace it!
I went shopping at the mall by myself yesterday. Very enjoyable, albeit crowded. And I was thinking about how much I missed shopping with mom. How I usually loved spending that time with her. But I was a kid then. But then I realized... I'm an adult. I dress myself, I can drive, take the bus, the train all on my own, I make my own food, I have jobs and have had jobs, most of the money in my bank account was earned, I see my family less often (sometimes only twice a month) because I'm getting less and less dependent on them, no one wakes me up in the morning, I can legally drink, and I do (I've acquired a taste for white wine and cheap beer), I have my own room in an apartment, no one tells me to do chores, do my homework, clean my room, I buy my own groceries and shop on my own. In a few years I might be completely independent, with a boyfriend or husband, a job in music, my own house. I'm a woman, not a girl. It feels weird to say that. But I miss my mom. I always wanted to watch the Nutcracker with her during the holidays. Why didn't we do that? I miss shopping with her, watching concerts, musicals, operas with her, riding the GO train with her, asking her for advice on outfits, makeup, hair. Asking her what the high was (she always knew), her waking me up early, decorating the Christmas tree with her, baking and cooking together, practicing while she worked in the study, driving lessons (she either looked completely worried or not worried at all), watching chick flicks with her, camping trips as a family, seeing her pull into the driveway after a long day at work, speaking french with her. So many memories. But for some reason I especially miss our shopping trips at Erin Mills. We'd leave and say we'd be gone for an hour, but we were gone for four hours. Dad would call us and say, "Where ARE you?!" and mom would tell him that we were almost done or on our way home. She was a shopaholic. I miss her.
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