Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts

Friday, April 20, 2012

Williams Waffle

Some prose I wrote today...

Williams Waffle:


It was a lovely spring day.  Twenty-three degrees celsius.  Dandelions and heat.  Almost summer.  Waterloo was busy and bustling at four o’clock.  A pick-up truck with a mattress.  Students off to their last exams.  Students packing up to leave for the summer.  Waterloo will be lonely soon as cars and vans relieve the city of a fifth of its population.  King and University like London’s Trafalgar Square at noon.  Hot dog vendors.  People sitting outside of Starbucks on bistro chairs, legs crossed, formal pants and shoes.  Students on bikes waiting for the light to change.
I unintentionally followed a tall black guy, probably a student, in sweatpants and a red T-shirt.  He loudly rapped along with his music, making rap hand gestures, singing in falsetto.  Feeling the music so much he forgot about what people might think, or maybe he didn’t care.  I wish I was like that.  But there are no hand gestures for Incubus.  As we separated he drifted by all the white kids like a cloud high in the sky.  
All the music from my headphones made me happier and happier by the second.  I felt like it was the beginning of an uplifting movie with a happy-go-lucky, carefree protagonist.  I should be off to some wonderful adventure on a bike as I pass the gorgeous, spotless beach of my warm, moist country.  But, alas, I was in the middle of countless car repair shops and apartment buildings, off-white and boring.  Not a body of water for miles, except for muddy puddles and restaurant sinks, the school swimming pool.  And then, to make things even worse, I saw construction workers fixing the tiles in front of Williams.  Why are all the places I want to go gone just when I need them?  But as I glimpsed the people behind the tinted grey windows I realized the place was open.  
The girl at the check-out counter was blonde and cheery.  Too cheery.  
“Hi, what can I get you?” she grinned.
“I’ll have a... strawberry caramel waffle.”  I hesitated, wondering if I got the name right.
“That’s my favourite thing here.  So delicious!” she gushed, trying to make me feel like a connoisseur of the Williams menu.  Strangely,  I believed her.  “And anything to drink?”
“Yes, I’ll have a small coffee.”
“Do you want to try our new bold coffee?”  This seemed to be some kind of sale she was supposed to make.  She probably had a daily goal.
“Sure,” I said.  
A man emerged from the kitchen and asked the girl what I had ordered.
“Another bold,” she was almost gloating to the man making the coffee, “That’ll be $9.23!”
Wow.  That coffee must have been pricier.  But I was too lazy to change my order.  I used debit and put the superfluous receipt in my wallet.  I took my coffee and my number and sat down at a table with a booth on one end and a chair on the other end.  I could faintly hear the sounds of the construction workers outside.  I was so excited for the waffle.  I had been craving one for almost a week, and this was the moment I would finally get to eat one.  It was a bit sad, that a waffle would probably be the highlight of my day, but I had to have it.  
I was hungry but the hot coffee seemed to tide me over.  It was delicious in its hospitable white Williams mug.  Everything tastes better in a mug.  My bright red nails looked kind of classy holding the coffee mug.  I liked the red, brown, peach and white together.  A high school girl and high school boy sat at a table near me.  Seconds into their discussion, I could tell they were hardcore nerds.  
I looked at the table to my left.  Mom and I had had a hurried breakfast there years ago.  She sat at the chair and I sat in the booth.  She was in Waterloo to argue with the landlord over the sketchy lease for our new student apartment.  I remember how brilliantly she called that landlord out on all his shit, in front of all my roommates.  Her and that landlord were evenly matched in their stubbornness.  I had quiche and a latte.  I can’t remember what she ordered.  They accidentally sent me a quiche with ham in it and I sent it back.  She was reading the lease and underlining, making notes in the margins, filling the thing with indignant question marks.  We didn’t finish our breakfast in our rush to get to the meeting with the landlord on time.  That was the exact place that we had had breakfast together.  Maybe they switched the chair and the table, but that was where it happened.  The cafĂ© was still arranged the same way as that summer day years ago.  I still wonder sometimes.  I still wonder whether it was my fault.
My waffle arrived and I thanked the server.  It was so beautiful on its clean white plate.  Maple syrup, strawberry preserves, whipped cream, icing sugar and two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream.  I tried to eat it slowly and enjoy all the delicious flavours.  And then, as I caught a glimpse of that table to the left, I remembered again and felt a frog in my throat.  
I finished the waffle and the coffee, leaving with a full stomach and a sense of satisfaction.  I left the coffee shop, shielding my eyes from the cloud of dirt billowing from the construction site.  Such a lovely spring day, I thought as I turned on my music and started to feel the endorphins creeping in.  You couldn’t ask for better weather.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hospital Whisper

Hospital Whisper

Your voice was so cold
when I told you
Different, inhuman
I never experienced that
I guess I thought telling you
would change you
into a superhero
who would save the damsel in distress
The girl who lost her mother

Pitch black
But my eyes had adapted
I knew from the start
you were a douche
But I've become blind lately
It was just like
Just like you were
Talking to a patient in a hospital
at night
As if you were about to rape her
Maybe you're a vulture

But I don't think you feed on that meat
It was just so fake
And I regretted it
Thinking I could trust you
You don't care
I guess
Why would you?

I want to know
how you work
How you've become this
but it's too late
I leave tomorrow at eleven
No time
No time to even give you a chance

And we both say "you" so much
Me because I loved you
You because you wanted to lead me on

I guess that's all it ever was
just trying to catch a fish
And every time you asked me about school
it was just to know your fucking deadline

I still hope it isn't true
I pray for flowers or nice words
But I know deep down
nothing will happen tomorrow
Time will tell
Just prove it to me

Maybe I have to cry
I was really hoping not
But the way things are going
it probably won't take much

I loved you
It seemed you were the only one
who noticed my glasses or my hair
No boy ever could before
Now I know why your act was so important
Or do I?
What's in it for you?
I'll never know

And I still hope it isn't true
I wish for flowers or nice words from you
But I can tell you're bored stiff
You know all the tricks
and you just want the loot
you'd rather stare at my flat chest
And daydream until I'm trhough

Mom would never approve of you

Spring Cabana

I decided to make a different post for whenever I post poetry.  This is probably the one I'm most proud of of the poetry I'm posting today...

Spring Cabana:

Like a holiday in a person
The ultimate diplomat
Gilded with tweed
Won the Euclid and the Fermat
Child prodigy
And a perfect gentleman
A perfect gentleman

You were Atlantis
when I first met you
I was so terrified
that I couldn't impress you
You were so perfect
So beautiful
You smelled like flowers

Had to know what the smell was
What flower?
Where are you from?
What are you?  Who are you?
A breath of fresh air?
An angel, a fairy?
A devil, a liar?

You packed up your Viper's tongue
Your lyre
Your childish analogies
It seems you have a taste for
skinny pale intellectuals
with unusual but not improbable hair colours
And now you're in Florence

Did I scare you away?

Today and Missing Mom

It's snowing again!  I love it when it snows.  When I went outside to pick up my history paper, there were millions of snowflakes floating through the air.  But the cold was nearly burning my face off.  The pros and cons of winter.

I got a B- on my paper.  I wanted an A of course, but a decent mark is fine.  I'm very relieved!    I finished writing that paper literally five minutes before the due date.  I was really last minute. 

I woke up at 2 pm today.  I'm very ashamed.  I went to bed at 3 am, but it's still pretty deplorable, not to mention a record-breaker.

I need to study for my history final, so I don't want to waste too much time.  I want to ace it!
I went shopping at the mall by myself yesterday.  Very enjoyable, albeit crowded.  And I was thinking about how much I missed shopping with mom.  How I usually loved spending that time with her.  But I was a kid then.  But then I realized... I'm an adult.  I dress myself, I can drive, take the bus, the train all on my own, I make my own food, I have jobs and have had jobs, most of the money in my bank account was earned, I see my family less often (sometimes only twice a month) because I'm getting less and less dependent on them, no one wakes me up in the morning, I can legally drink, and I do (I've acquired a taste for white wine and cheap beer), I have my own room in an apartment, no one tells me to do chores, do my homework, clean my room, I buy my own groceries and shop on my own.  In a few years I might be completely independent, with a boyfriend or husband, a job in music, my own house.  I'm a woman, not a girl.  It feels weird to say that.  But I miss my mom.   I always wanted to watch the Nutcracker with her during the holidays.  Why didn't we do that?  I miss shopping with her, watching concerts, musicals, operas with her, riding the GO train with her, asking her for advice on outfits, makeup, hair.  Asking her what the high was (she always knew), her waking me up early, decorating the Christmas tree with her, baking and cooking together, practicing while she worked in the study, driving lessons (she either looked completely worried or not worried at all), watching chick flicks with her, camping trips as a family, seeing her pull into the driveway after a long day at work, speaking french with her.  So many memories.  But for some reason I especially miss our shopping trips at Erin Mills.  We'd leave and say we'd be gone for an hour, but we were gone for four hours.  Dad would call us and say, "Where ARE you?!" and mom would tell him that we were almost done or on our way home.  She was a shopaholic.  I miss her.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Today

I think the time is wrong on this blog.  It's 1:24 am for me but it says 10:24 pm or something on here.  I don't know what's going on and I don't know who to change it.  Just letting you know I am 3 hours behind the times, which is fairly depressing.  I'm so tired.  I can't wait to sleep.  I should be doing my french homework, but I will first post this poem I wrote.  It's repetitive at times because maybe I will turn it into a song.

Today is my last day
I having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
No one will see this
Who would know where I stole this snippet from?
Very vague
But I don't care
I have to write this poem
I don't know if it's a song yet

I stared blankly at the screen
for a couple minutes
What the hell does he mean?
Is it the last day... forever?
But maybe it's the last day
and then he has a big vacation
recovers from that back injury

Today is my last day
I am having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
Drugged up like the guy
who went to Vegas
How could you understand me?

But that woman said she missed working with him
Does that mean he's gone?
Does that mean he's leaving?
Leaving me?
How could he?
My heart is crumbling
I wish this was a bad dream

I used to long for Today
Today is the last day
I am having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
I'm sure it has nothing
nothing, nothing to do with me

Feeling hollow inside
I have to stop caring
about that nerd
with hidden depths
hidden depths
he's a puzzle
I'll never finish
never finish

Today is my last day
I am having energy drinks
I am giving them hope
When there is none
And I'll miss you (you don't miss me)
I'll miss you (you can't miss me)
I'll miss you (you never kissed me)
I missed you (you never missed me)
I guess I missed you
You never missed me
You never missed me
Have a good one