Friday, July 6, 2012

Published and new poem

I can't say I'm not published now, because I am officially published in a literary magazine!  I found out about their call for submissions on Writerscafe and one of my poems impressed them, so now it is in a magazine called "Wednesday Night Writes."

I also wrote a new poem, which I just finished editing today.  I don't even remember what riled me up to write this but it is kind of a culmination of my feelings on the skinny beautiful women we admire and tear apart with media.  While women are a victim of all these fads and diets and trends, I have a certain dislike (hate is too strong a word) for the people that wholeheartedly follow these trends, whether they help to enforce them and to create them or whether they are outside the trends and simply follow them...

I don't know if I should be saying more with this poem, but it has gone through a lot of adjusting (rhyme scheme, evening out the amount of lines in each stanza) and I feel proud of the finished product.  Maybe I will change it later.  I don't know at this point.  I personally like it.

Crumbling Under a Feather:

You strip naked and then
Display your protruding ribs and your gentle curves
Bask in the lust and admiration of drooling men
Glued to their MacBooks, fingers pressed to nerves
You think you are a sex symbol
Your beauty commands respect
Strong and nimble
Attention simply what you expect
But you’re wrong about your power
You’re weak, tied with a tether
A fragile, dainty flower
Crumbling under a feather
You do what they tell you to do
Tiny tits are better than sagging thighs
Body hair like buzzing flies
You are a socialite
Swallow pills so hearty
Starve day after day as you become more vein
Stay up all night at parties
Prolong the pain
Hover over the toilet below
Half crying, half vomiting, hungover
Your guilty pleasures are reality shows
The Biggest Loser, Extreme Makeover
Love, sex and lust
Drive you to do this
Or maybe you just want trust
For someone to care instead of dismiss
The powder from the thick white sponge invades your nostrils
It is the bread, your red nail polish the wine
Vogue and Cosmo your glossy gospels
Your closet of designer shoes a shrine
Cocktail dresses and Gucci are your new burger and draught
Finding nourishment in Martinis, icy words
Why do you think this will make up for your past?
All it does is make it worse

Monday, July 2, 2012


Bored on a Monday night, I decided to look up "woman" on UrbanDictionary, just to see how people define the word.  The site is often full of opinionated definitions and I expected some sexism.  The first five pages or so were full of people reacting in anger to offensive definitions posted earlier and their definitions praised the strength, beauty and independence of women.  I decided to hunt for the sexist definitions pages ahead.  Here is what I found:

"a man's sex toy for a very short period of time until he finds a new one"

"A portable sandwich making machine, but can also double up as a personal sex machine."

"The useless skin around a vagina."
"An Object, not unlike a toaster."

 "creatures which cannot seem to do anything right, ever."

I was most affected by the definition, "the useless skin around a vagina."  
It is so cruel and callous, and yet I admire it's simplicity and wit.  
There were several pages of insulting comments with hundreds of likes on each one.  

I noticed that these insults were "revenge" for definitions in the "man" 
section of UrbanDictionary, so I went to that page, 
wondering if the comments there were any worse.  I doubted it.

I found these definitions:

"A person with two heads."

"A derogatory term for someone who is being unfair, stupid, idiotic, asshole-like, monstrous etc..."

"A twisted creature that hates women but still wants to fuck them."

"Baby-maker and/or sex toy.  Should be tied to a bed at all times for convenience
and to avoid havoc."

This one was a hilarious comeback from the women: 
"The useless lump of flesh surrounding the penis."
"The ultimate source of all EVIL"
There were also some pro-man definitions, but not nearly as many as there were for women.

Apparently the men were so pissed off by these definitions (supposedly but not proven to be written by women) that they decided to let out their inner male chauvinist pigs and fight back. But do these stupid definitions give either men or women an excuse to insult each other?  Not really.  What both parties want is to be treated equally and to not be belittled.  More sexism will not solve this.  I think this kind of "retaliation" is ridiculously pointless.  Both women and men should reconcile and try to treat each other with respect instead of bitterly putting each other down.  Anyway that is my rant for today.

If you have some eloquent literary opinions on the issue of sexism, enter my contest on Writerscafe:

On another note, I have a "post-infectious cough" apparently, which basically equals a painful, never-ending dry cough and a nasty cold.  I was supposed to sing at a Family gathering yesterday and at a Canada Day event today, but my singing sounds like Tom Waits so I couldn't do either performance.  I've had this cold for the past week and it has been hell.  My nose is runny, red and painful, I feel lethargic all the time, it's hard to breathe, my sense of taste is weaker (but not completely gone), my ears are plugged up so it is hard to hear, my throat is full of phlegm, I'm constantly coughing, when I sneeze mucus flies everywhere and it really hurts (projectile sneeze), I'm hardly ever hungry and when I laugh I sound like I'm on helium.  I know I don't have cancer or anything, but it's a really crappy cold.  I feel utterly useless.

This is embarrassing, but since this is an unpopular anonymous blog, I don't see the danger in telling you.  My coughing is so violent that it causes me to pee my pants.  Even if I just peed!  It is really frustrating and embarrassing.  Lately I have been using my menstrual pads for this and they have actually been working pretty well.  Sorry for that disgusting confession, but I really wanted to tell someone... or something.  

I'm pretty much certain I got this cough/cold from my brother.  Everyone in my family has it now, so I guess it's contagious.

I have been doing lots of things to get better, but they haven't been working since my cold either gets worse or stays the same.  I guess I just have to wait it out.  The doctor says it will take 2-3 more weeks, which is very saddening!  

The doctor prescribed us a cough medicine that contains hydrocodone.  Yup, the main ingredient in Vicadin.  I looked it up and it is pretty much illegal to use in cough syrup in the U.S. (I am Canadian).  So far, the only side effects I have had are drowsiness, weird dreams and flashing when I close my eyes to go to sleep.  I also sometimes hear buzzing in my ears.

I hope I'll get better soon.  Happy Canada Day, everyone! (Sorry to those who aren't Canadian...)

Saturday, June 2, 2012

7 Reasons Why I Hate My Gym and Gyms in General With a Passion

Yesterday, it was raining profusely the entire day and I wasn't able to go swimming and since I was at university I didn't have access to DDR, so I was forced to go to my stupid university gym.  This will be a Cracked-style post.

I fucking hate my university gym and here's why...

1. Loud music

The music in the gym is way too loud.  Ridiculously loud.  Dance club loud.  That volume is appropriate for a rave or a rock concert, but in my opinion it has no place in a gym.  

Why not just make the gym look like this, why don't you?

If you want to listen to something that isn't Katy Perry or Skrillex via your iPod you have to crank the volume up to max and even then you can still hear booms of sound.  What do you do after that?  Hold the headphones in tightly while screaming along with your music?  No, that is too undignified for my taste.  

And just who is benefiting from this music other than the few staff members and the sad suckers who forgot their headphones?  Most people at the gym bring their MP3s with them to listen to while they work out.  

Anyway, they should at least turn it down so my ears aren't ringing by the end of my workout.

2. Boring, uninspiring surroundings

I love walking outdoors.  It is probably my favourite form of exercise and that is because the scenery is constantly changing as I walk and there are so many interesting things to take in.  I usually see something new every day.  No beautiful scenery can be found at the gym, unless you are talking about human scenery.  Then there's some. ;)  But on the whole, the gym is an off-white, industrial, modern and horribly boring space.  When I'm on a walk I am often too absorbed in my music and the view to pay attention to the fact that I am actually exercising, while at the gym it's all I can think about and I find myself obsessively counting the minutes until I am finally finished.  This makes the gym an unpleasant experience for me.  

I propose an invention that will improve this flaw, although it may have already been invented...

Virtual reality glasses that project beautiful scenery surrounding you as you use the treadmill.  It could also have a function that finds scenery that suits the music you are listening to.  Like the streets of Liverpool for the Beatles, an abandoned slaughterhouse full of kidnapped prostitutes for Marilyn Manson, a beautiful beach resort for Owl City, lush Canadian scenery for The Tragically Hip, the cobbled streets of Paris for Yann Tierson's Amelie soundtrack, etc.  I could go on forever. 

Now that's more like it.  I'm much more motivated to run.

In the corner they would have a video of you on the treadmill so that you are aware of where you are spatially.  There could also be some safety features on the equipment to ensure people do not fall off.  With this invention people could travel to places they might never reach in their lives.  Working out becomes travel.  It would be awesome.  

Some skeptics would say that one could just use their own imagination in order to do this, but seriously, are any of us smart enough to do that anymore???

Anyway, that would make the gym experience much more worthwhile and actually worth all the money people pay for a stupid gym membership.  

3. The TVs don't work

Most good gyms have several televisions hanging from the ceiling and if you want, you can plug your headphones into the TV audio and watch a show while you work out, which is great.  We have lots of TVs at our gym too, but our audio device is broken.  Has been for the four years I've been at the university and even though there have been renovations all over campus, nothing has been done about this problem.  So the TVs at our gym just dangle from the ceiling playing shows I will never be able to hear while pedalling an exercise bike.  They don't even turn the TVs off the save power.  I guess they do that because students are always touring the university so they want to give the impression that they don't have a shitty ghetto gym.  Yay lying and wasting energy!

He would make an excellent university president.  Much more transparency.

4. 30-min cardio limit

Apparently you can't go over 30 minutes on the cardio equipment.  Which sucks because I am aiming for an hour of cardio each day.  I understand that there are a lot of people that use the gym, but honestly that rule is bullshit.  Next time I'm going to do an hour and see if anyone does anything.  

5. Stupid jocks who lift weights in a douchey fashion

Every single gym except women's gyms are teeming with these creatures.  They lift the weights way too fast and lift more weight than they can handle in order to look impressive to their male friends.  They like to grunt and parade themselves around while resting from their "pumping iron."  I don't usually lift weights at the gym so I don't have to hear their stupid chatter, but they are pretty damn annoying.

6. Seeing professors working out

It's just kind of awkward.  This year pretty much every time I went to the gym I saw my Theory Professor working out at the gym and it was always too late for me to leave when I realized he was there.  That happened last year as well.  I think that guy is some kind of gym rat.  I just find that experience weird and annoying.  I don't like seeing my professors sweating and panting profusely unless they're the hot ones.  And that is never the case at my stupid gym.  I have never seen a hot professor there.  Alas.

At least Farnsworth doesn't use my gym.

7. The Stupidity of the Concept

The fact that people are stupid enough to pay through the nose for what they could accomplish just as easily with long walks and weights at home is mystifying.  I've never had a membership outside of my university gym (included with tuition) other than one-week trials and using the free guest pass.  Gyms just seem like a waste of money.  Unless the gym has a bunch of cool features like a hot tub, a sauna, swimming treadmills, a dance party room, DDR machines, etc then I don't think a membership is worth my money.

Oh yeah, that's right.  Tell me I'm perfect.  Give me an A.  This should be my professor.

And those are my seven reasons.  In conclusion, my gym and most gyms suck.

South Park/Billy Talent/Losing Weight

My tastes change so quickly, I'm so fleeting in my affection haha.

South Park:

I've suddenly become obsessed with South Park.  Before a week or so ago, I'd only seen a couple episodes of this and found it okay but not amazing with some funny moments.  But watching more of their episodes, I have discovered that not only is this show much better than Family Guy, but Matt Stone and Trey Parker are masters of irony.  Every episode generally adheres to a general formula:

1. Problem arises, usually due to the ignorance of the townsfolk or the children because their parents and teachers don't teach them anything.
2. Chef encounter with the same dialogue each time and often Chef sings a song about sex.
2. Episode revolves around an important political issue, social trend or celebrity.  Usually something very current and relevant.
3. Cartman acts like a greedy, racist douche.
4. Usually a Terence and Philip episode excerpt which is hilarious and usually an immature fart joke.
5. Kenny dies, "Oh my God they killed Kenny!", "You bastards!"
6. Problem solved.
7. Kyle's "I learned something today speech" which generally causes people to stop being insane for the moment.

However within that formula that makes up nearly every South Park episode are some amazing jokes, hilarious characters and sad, but legitimate truths.  Strangely enough, I do feel like "I learned something" after every episode.

The best thing about this show is their proficient use of irony.

Some examples:

"Christian Rock Hard" 

The boys (Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters) in this episode start a band but when they try to download music for free online to "find their sound" they get arrested and the police officer gives them a "heart-wrenching" speech about how, because of illegal downloads, celebrities can't spend as lavishly as they used to, only being able to afford things that are really expensive, but not as expensive as the obscenely expensive things they used to buy.  

"Passion of the Jew"

Cartman's speech to "Passion of the Christ" fans where he is talking about another Holocaust (wearing a Hitler costume, I might add) while they believe he is talking about making more people watch the Passion or convert to Christianity.  He eventually gets them to chant something about death to Jews in German while they believe they are speaking Aramaic, like in the movie.  Another hilarious thing about this episode is their caricature of Mel Gibson as absolutely insane.

There are so many other examples.  Most examples leave me laughing hysterically...

Also, I'm again listening profusely to Billy Talent for probably the ninth time.  It's like I can never get tired of them.  Their new album is really awesome.  And it turns out they are great music for working out.  I've loved this band since middle school or high school and they're still putting out amazing music!  Can't wait for their new album this coming fall!  Judging by the sound of Billy Talent III I think it will be just as impressive.

My weight loss plan for this summer:

I'm going to try something crazy this summer.  It was basically inspired by a visit to the doctor a couple months ago...

I was generally healthy, except that I was 155-160 pounds and 5''3, which according to her is Overweight.  I should be 105-135 pounds, so I am about 20 pounds overweight.  My BMI is 28.  She told me to lose the weight in a couple months, slowly as opposed to quickly.  I knew this already as I had calculated my BMI on the computer several times before that but it was depressing to hear a doctor say that I was overweight and I needed to lose weight.  

Before a year or two ago I had never been overweight.  I had always been the right weight.  Also, looking at myself in the mirror, I don't look overweight.  I look average weight.  Hardly anyone has ever told me I need to lose weight or that I am fat.  I'm not extremely muscular but I do have muscles and I wonder if that makes me more overweight than I actually am on the BMI scale.  

Nevertheless, the first couple months after that doctor's appointment I was indignant.  She had not told me how to lose the weight and spoke to me as if it would be extremely easy and simple.  The doctor herself was not obese, but not slim either.  So, feeling like I shouldn't have to try to lose weight at all, I didn't change anything about my diet or exercise.

But this summer, like many summers before, I have much more time on my hands, and I exercise more.  This summer I have decided to try something completely new.  I have never dieted before, except for the fact that I am vegetarian, but I have seen so many people try diets and fail, and I find that I am hungry really often.  I thought, "losing weight would be so much easier if all you had to do was exercise."  Exercise is invigorating and fun and makes me have more energy and sleep better.  On the internet I googled "Can you lose weight by only exercising?" and people were divided on the issue, some people saying it was impossible and some saying it was a good method.  

So, this summer I will exercise at least six times a week for 30-90 minutes, NOT CHANGING MY DIET AT ALL for two months (May 7-July 7) and see what happens.  At first I said every day, but there are some days when I feel lethargic or depressed.  I generally try to make myself exercise on those do-nothing days but occasionally it doesn't happen.  So, at least six times a week.  So far, with almost a month done, I have only missed two days, with one day that I only walked for 10 minutes (which half counts, I guess).  My methods of exercise so far are walking, biking, elliptical, exercise bike, swimming and DDR.  My favourites are walking, swimming, biking and DDR (Dance Dance Revolution).  Yup, everything except the gym, but I'll get into that in a moment...  I like to mix things up so I don't get too bored with what I'm doing, and so far, it's been quite enjoyable.  Sometimes I even look forward to it.  For biking and walking I like to try different routes each day, exploring a different part of my city each day, which is fun.  I'd love some suggestions for other forms of exercise to try to keep things interesting.  So far my weight has been consistently 158-161 but I feel thinner and more energetic and productive.  And if that is all I get from this, at least I have that!  I also keep a basic diary (type of exercise, duration, weight) to track my progress.  So we'll see what happens.  I think I might lose some weight but in the end, I'll probably need to change my diet as well, which will suck.  Hopefully my plan will succeed and I can still eat Kraft Dinner and delicious, delicious carbs!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Summer at University and Current Obsessions

Hello everyone!

I haven't posted much beyond just stories and poetry lately so I thought I would just generally ramble about my life right now.

Firstly, I seem to always announce my various "phases" and "obsessions" which seem to be constantly changing since I immerse myself in my obsession until I get extremely tired of it.  So, now I will announce what I am currently obsessed with.


This is a really awesome website where you can post literally any kind of writing and a lot of your stuff will get reviewed.  It's really nice if you want feedback.  There are also several fun contests and I think even writing classes in which to participate.  You can even make your own contest, which is fun if you want to read writing in a specific category.  It also makes me feel kind of important, which is great because I have not been feeling important lately.

Here I am:

This is another website I love.  You can post literally any kind of writing on there.  You can also find art, photography and fiction depicting the strangest things.  It's a great place to find fan fiction and fan art, even things that are rather obscure.  The quality can range from excessively mediocre to professional.  I've found some really amazing pieces of art on there.  It also doesn't censor people that much.  As long as you are over 18 or something you can see all kinds of lovely naughty images.  I've mostly been using it for my poetry and writing and I have been getting some feedback, which is nice.

Here I am:

Notice how I am always Hedonistic Hermit?  Yup, I planned it that way.  Mwahaha!


Death Cab for Cutie

This is currently my largest obsession.  So far I have been replaying "Narrow Stairs" constantly, but I attained "Plans" today and I'm hoping on getting more albums from the library soon.

I specifically love the songs "Cath...", "I Will Possess Your Heart", "Long Division" and "Twin-Sized Bed."  Their songs are simultaneously full of beauty and energy.  "Cath..." sort of reminds me of Matthew Good.  I love to imagine a music video for each song as I listen to it.  I get kind of annoyed when I watch a music video that doesn't try to follow the message of the song and they just try to make it look cool instead but I get really excited when they get it right!  Of the few videos I've seen of Death Cab I would say that they are talented video-makers.

What got me into this band was my constant debate with my younger brother about whether Owl City is a good band and whether Owl City is copying Ben Gibbard and his various musical projects.  For the record I can hear that Adam Young is using a similar singing voice to Gibbard, but their music seems really different.

Death Cab for Cutie is indie pop/rock with some electronics and while Postal Service is more electronic pop/rock which is the same genre as Owl City, I think those two projects are extremely different from each other.

Much of The Postal Service's material is remixes and their music is much more serious and melancholy than Owl City.

Owl City, in contrast, is about as optimistic and cheerful as music can get. And I understand that happy music is not everyone's cup of tea.  You need your sad songs for break-ups, lost jobs, deaths, etc.  But Owl City, at least to me, is constantly able to cheer me up from whatever depression I am in.  It's just so happy, carefree and full of fantasy.  The songs are made up of stories of love, friendship, nature, determination, dreams, etc.  Whenever I put on Owl City I feel like I have been transported to a different world where there are no problems.  A world full of benevolent technology, warm weather, beaches, animals, good company, travelling, etc.  A fantasy of the best world ever isn't supposed to make sense, it's just supposed to feel like some kind of amazing acid trip.  And in my opinion: Mission accomplished, Mr. Young!  Also, Owl City does not do as many remixes and he uses different electronic effects.  So that is why I like Owl City and how they are different from the Postal Service.

Here is an Owl City clip:

It is not a common Owl City track, because he isn't singing but it is my favourite Owl City song right now.

MC Frontalot

Just starting to get into him.  Not sure if it will become a full-blown phase.  But I just wanted to emphasize the fact that this amazing man has made a career out of being a nerd... wait for it... and open your mind REAL WIDE for this one... THAT RAPS!!  That's right, you are hearing me correctly, a nerd that raps.  And he raps about nerdy stuff.  This just makes the world such an amazing place in my opinion.  Also, he wrote a rap based on a famous meme ("First World Problems").

Shad and Dallas Green

Only two songs together but they are both mind-blowingly amazing.  Shad's intelligent, poignant lyrics about leaving a legacy and about listening to music combined with Dallas Green's angelic voice and brilliant improvising is basically aural crack.  Probably the best Canadian duo since Gord Downie and Dallas Green.  Okay there are other great duos, but none are coming to mind right now except Geddy Lee with Bob and Doug McKenzie.  Come to think of it, I would love to see RUSH and City and Colour do something together.  Hmmm...  One can only hope.


Family Guy

Reasons?  It is extremely funny and I have finished all the other shows I like.  But I have developed a crush on a couple of the characters (the two Goldmans) on the show, so I hope they will show up in future episodes!  I actually really love the new seasons of this show.  I have been watching backward and I have reached seasons 1 and 2, but I don't want to watch them because the quality is so old-school compared to 3-10.  I'll admit to liking the slicker look.  And Meg's early voice really annoys me in those seasons.  She doesn't sound nearly psychotic enough.

I'm also following The Office and How I Met Your Mother.  The Office is starting to get better, which is exciting!

Summer Courses:

I am done the fourth year of my degree, but I still have another course requirement and I want to get an English minor because I really like english and reading literature as well as writing.  Therefore I will be doing a summer semester and a fall semester and then I will graduate.  Whenever I tell anyone this they look at me oddly and fake enthusiasm.  I don't know why they disapprove of me getting an english minor and spending extra time at university so much.  It really annoys me, but I'm trying not to let it bother me.  I may be doing a creative writing course in the fall which would be really exciting.  I love to write, as you can tell right now.

Right now I am taking two courses in a period called intersession where they jam material into a small period of time that is shorter than a normal semester so I hope I will be able to keep on top of my work.  I am taking a course that is a survey of British Literature from the 18th century to 20th century (my first online course) and another course that covers Canadian Literature that is Contemporary (post-1980).

I'll be reading The Underpainter (Jane Urquhart), Three Day Road (Joseph Boyden), Soucouyant (David Chariandy), The Englishman's Boy (Guy Vanderhaeghe), Silas Marner (George Eliot), The Playboy of the Western World (J.M. Synge) and A Passage to India (E.M. Forster).  I pray that I survive...

I'm trying to find a job in this university city but so far not too much luck.  Once I get into the groove of things I'll probably start getting determined and maybe finding some work.

Wish me luck and I hope this doesn't end up being too stressful!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Williams Waffle

Some prose I wrote today...

Williams Waffle:

It was a lovely spring day.  Twenty-three degrees celsius.  Dandelions and heat.  Almost summer.  Waterloo was busy and bustling at four o’clock.  A pick-up truck with a mattress.  Students off to their last exams.  Students packing up to leave for the summer.  Waterloo will be lonely soon as cars and vans relieve the city of a fifth of its population.  King and University like London’s Trafalgar Square at noon.  Hot dog vendors.  People sitting outside of Starbucks on bistro chairs, legs crossed, formal pants and shoes.  Students on bikes waiting for the light to change.
I unintentionally followed a tall black guy, probably a student, in sweatpants and a red T-shirt.  He loudly rapped along with his music, making rap hand gestures, singing in falsetto.  Feeling the music so much he forgot about what people might think, or maybe he didn’t care.  I wish I was like that.  But there are no hand gestures for Incubus.  As we separated he drifted by all the white kids like a cloud high in the sky.  
All the music from my headphones made me happier and happier by the second.  I felt like it was the beginning of an uplifting movie with a happy-go-lucky, carefree protagonist.  I should be off to some wonderful adventure on a bike as I pass the gorgeous, spotless beach of my warm, moist country.  But, alas, I was in the middle of countless car repair shops and apartment buildings, off-white and boring.  Not a body of water for miles, except for muddy puddles and restaurant sinks, the school swimming pool.  And then, to make things even worse, I saw construction workers fixing the tiles in front of Williams.  Why are all the places I want to go gone just when I need them?  But as I glimpsed the people behind the tinted grey windows I realized the place was open.  
The girl at the check-out counter was blonde and cheery.  Too cheery.  
“Hi, what can I get you?” she grinned.
“I’ll have a... strawberry caramel waffle.”  I hesitated, wondering if I got the name right.
“That’s my favourite thing here.  So delicious!” she gushed, trying to make me feel like a connoisseur of the Williams menu.  Strangely,  I believed her.  “And anything to drink?”
“Yes, I’ll have a small coffee.”
“Do you want to try our new bold coffee?”  This seemed to be some kind of sale she was supposed to make.  She probably had a daily goal.
“Sure,” I said.  
A man emerged from the kitchen and asked the girl what I had ordered.
“Another bold,” she was almost gloating to the man making the coffee, “That’ll be $9.23!”
Wow.  That coffee must have been pricier.  But I was too lazy to change my order.  I used debit and put the superfluous receipt in my wallet.  I took my coffee and my number and sat down at a table with a booth on one end and a chair on the other end.  I could faintly hear the sounds of the construction workers outside.  I was so excited for the waffle.  I had been craving one for almost a week, and this was the moment I would finally get to eat one.  It was a bit sad, that a waffle would probably be the highlight of my day, but I had to have it.  
I was hungry but the hot coffee seemed to tide me over.  It was delicious in its hospitable white Williams mug.  Everything tastes better in a mug.  My bright red nails looked kind of classy holding the coffee mug.  I liked the red, brown, peach and white together.  A high school girl and high school boy sat at a table near me.  Seconds into their discussion, I could tell they were hardcore nerds.  
I looked at the table to my left.  Mom and I had had a hurried breakfast there years ago.  She sat at the chair and I sat in the booth.  She was in Waterloo to argue with the landlord over the sketchy lease for our new student apartment.  I remember how brilliantly she called that landlord out on all his shit, in front of all my roommates.  Her and that landlord were evenly matched in their stubbornness.  I had quiche and a latte.  I can’t remember what she ordered.  They accidentally sent me a quiche with ham in it and I sent it back.  She was reading the lease and underlining, making notes in the margins, filling the thing with indignant question marks.  We didn’t finish our breakfast in our rush to get to the meeting with the landlord on time.  That was the exact place that we had had breakfast together.  Maybe they switched the chair and the table, but that was where it happened.  The café was still arranged the same way as that summer day years ago.  I still wonder sometimes.  I still wonder whether it was my fault.
My waffle arrived and I thanked the server.  It was so beautiful on its clean white plate.  Maple syrup, strawberry preserves, whipped cream, icing sugar and two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream.  I tried to eat it slowly and enjoy all the delicious flavours.  And then, as I caught a glimpse of that table to the left, I remembered again and felt a frog in my throat.  
I finished the waffle and the coffee, leaving with a full stomach and a sense of satisfaction.  I left the coffee shop, shielding my eyes from the cloud of dirt billowing from the construction site.  Such a lovely spring day, I thought as I turned on my music and started to feel the endorphins creeping in.  You couldn’t ask for better weather.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

New poem

I wrote a new poem at 4 am since I couldn't sleep, although I eventually did.  Lately, due to lack of classes and stuff to do, my sleep schedule has been 3 am to 3 pm.  It's exam time right now and all I have left is a vocal jury.  For this exam I sing five pieces for three "judges," which is like American Idol but the songs are better and the judges know what they are talking about.  So all I've been obligated to do is practice an hour every day, if that.  I hope I can go back to normal or somewhat normal soon...

Here is my poem...


Cat call in the distance at three am
Someone far away is hot
And someone far away is horny
Decisions made with beer goggles
As you half-sleep in a bubbly, pleasant haze
There’s more evidence for evolution
Than skeletons and theories
I think as I hear a college girl
Shriek just like a chimpanzee
Below on Spruce Street
Far away noises sound so close
They are inside my tiny flat
How frightening it would be to venture outside so late
On a saturday night
And soak up the stupidity
Violence at the slightest provocation
Passive-aggressive friendliness
Walk past a bar
Would I make it home alive?
The city lights cast a morning glow 
on the trees and the now-grey sky
It looks as if the sun is rising
But, no, I’m still here in my warm, fluffy bed
Half-asleep, half-awake like most nights
When will I escape this vampire’s schedule?
I long for the early mornings of my youth
Seven am, the darkness lingering
Birds chirping, parents yelling,
Reading on the school bus
Innocence, naïveté, thinking life was so difficult then
But it wasn’t
That was just the beginning
The jock population skyrockets after two am
Because nothing good happens then
Birds, maybe robins, singing at four am
Everything is backwards at this hour
And so much more frightening
Terrified of even leaving my room
Down the dark, empty hallway
Maybe I’m just jealous 
I wish I had some friends to be stupid and drunk with
Some men and boys too
Even just some alcohol
A cold glass of beer
To help me sleep
To taste
So bubbly and bittersweet
Pop with a punch
I must imagine my glass of water as a mug of beer
And hope...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Faul McCartney

So, since the mid-sixties people have been saying that Paul McCartney was murdered in 1966 and replaced by a double that is taller, with detached earlobes and a different shaped head, along with other subtle physical changes.  He looks uncannily similar and his voice sounds the same, but no, he is some guy that looks like Paul, who people nickname "Faul."  There are clues in the lyrics, back masking and album covers, like the fact that Paul is barefoot and walking out of step with the other Beatles on the Abbey Road cover or the back masking in Revolution 9 -- "Turn me on, dead man."  Or "I buried Paul" in "Strawberry Fields Forever" (which was actually "Cranberry Sauce," which makes sense because of the "s" sound at the end).  Fans also like to show Faul's slip-ups when he is doing TV interviews, like the fact that he couldn't remember how many years the Beatles had been together.  The famous quote was, "My fans know my history much better than I do."  He was in his sixties at the time - it would be perfectly normal for him to forget things.  Also, as a former Beatle and as probably the most famous and well-liked Beatle, the man has probably done more interviews than almost any musician.  Obviously he's going to make some mistakes because of the sheer number of interviews he has done.

You could write an essay on all the clues pointing to Paul's "death."  Someone should, or maybe they already have.  Apparently, he was murdered in a car crash by some government hit men because he was against the info war that government was trying to start.  Or something crazy like that.  It makes for a great story, definitely a great idea for a movie script, but I don't believe it at all.

Paul McCartney is always standing out in the album covers and photos after 1966, but could that maybe be because he was the fan favourite and the star of the band?  No, no, the Beatles are trying to tell us that Paul is dead.  That is the only thing it could be.

Anyway, The worst part is that believers of this conspiracy hate all the post-1966 "crap" churned out by Paul McCartney and the Beatles.

So let's compare the music written by "the real Paul" to the music of "Faul"...

The real Paul (post-1966):
(I am including all the 1966 hits that he wrote, because I don't know when he "died")

I Saw Her Standing There (with John Lennon)
Please Please Me (with Lennon)
Love Me Do (with Lennon)
Love Me Do (with Lennon)
It Won't Be Long (with Lennon)
I Want to Hold Your Hand (with Lennon)
From Me to You (with Lennon)
She Loves You (with Lennon)
Can't Buy Me Love
Eight Days a Week (with Lennon)
Ticket to Ride (with Lennon doing most of the work on this one, although Paul thought of the awesome drum part)
I'm Looking Through You (with Lennon)
We Can Work it Out (with Lennon)
Eleanor Rigby
Yellow Submarine

Faul (Post-1966):

Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band (that's right, one of his first songs after replacing the "the real Paul" was this!!)
With a Little Help From My Friends (with Lennon)
When I'm Sixty-Four
A Day in the Life (with Lennon)
Maxwell's Silver Hammer
Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da
Martha My Dear
I Will
Helter Skelter
Let it Be
The Long and Winding Road
Get Back

Faul's solo work (many, many, many albums, by the way):

Another Day
C Moon
Silly Love Songs
Let 'em in
Wonderful Christmastime
Ebony and Ivory
Say Say Say (with Michael Jackson)
Dance Tonight
Ever Present Past
Live and Let Die

I noticed a few things... Before 1966, most of his songs were very traditional, 1950s-style rock-and-roll ditties.  Also, he had a little help from his friends -- John Lennon co-wrote most of the songs before he "died."  The only hits he wrote himself before '66 were "Yesterday", "Eleanor Rigby", "Yellow Submarine" and "Can't Buy Me Love".

I also noticed that Faul seems to be a pretty awesome songwriter.  "Blackbird," "Let it Be," "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," "Helter Skelter," "Ob-La-Di," etc.  And his voice and musical style is still quite similar to the pre-1966 style, although the songs are more innovative.

Also, I noticed that their songs started getting deeper and more harmonically complex around 1965 and 1966, with "Eleanor Rigby" and "Yellow Submarine" and the albums "Revolver" and "Rubber Soul."  This means that the quality of the music getting better or worse does not line up with the year Paul allegedly died.  Instead the music was gradually getting better and better, peaking in 1968 and 1969, I would say.  This might have something to do with new musical innovations as the years progressed, the fact that they were visiting different countries and the fact that they had started to smoke marijuana (1964) and do acid (1965).  I think the more valid argument is not that losing Paul in a car crash ruined their further music, but that doing weed and acid in the mid-sixties made them write much better music!

In fact, if I had to choose between losing all the pre-1966 Beatles songs or all the post-1966 Beatles songs, I think I would get rid of the original Paul stuff.

In short, if McCartney died and was replaced by a look-a-like, I like the new guy better.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I haven't posted for a while, but don't give up on me if anyone is indeed reading this.  I just wrote this poem a few minutes ago.  As you can see it is about my experiences in school as a shy person.

Little wallflower at the back of the room
Sitting pretty, waiting to bloom
Watching the others in their gaiety
Dreaming of tiny steps to spontaneity 
If you have something to say, say it
But even when you do, you delay it
Sitting in the back all alone
Where have you hidden your backbone?
You wait it out until that perfect silence
The challenge, the defiance
Of delivering the right answer
When everyone else just stands there
But it seems it will never come
You’d rather they think you were dumb
Instead of watching the heads turn
And feeling your throat burn
And it has to be something meaningful
Something wise, beneficial
Because this is the leaf upturned
This is the incense finally burned
You must be wise and reveal a profound truth
Or the silent one will be seen as the dumb mute
But not too weird and different either
Or you might as well be having a seizure
As you speak there is such an unjust silence
And as you finish an applause like raw violence
For despite your careful wording
They will never pay attention to anything but asserting
Asserting, asserting is gold
Asserting yourself and being bold
Being confident, being nude
Being exposed, being rude
Even if you proved the professor wrong
Even if in three seconds you wrote a song
Even if you recited a hundred digits of Pi
All they care about is that you are speaking and that you were once shy
And that
my friends
is a spectacle