Monday, March 31, 2014

Retail Overload

Just worked four nine-hour shifts in a row as a night cashier.  I usually work part-time and my shifts are more spread out so I'm not used to being in the store for so many days in a row.  Here's how that went…

Day 1: Exhausted, just happy if I can survive the shift without falling over.  I vigilantly count the hours until I get to go home and vow to go to bed as soon as I go home.  My tiredness gives me a drug-like numbness that helps me tolerate massive amounts of douchebaggery.

Day 2: Got 7 hours of sleep, which is an improvement.  I feel more well-rested.  The store is very busy, but I work hard and I am more friendly with customers and coworkers.

Day 3: My vow to get better sleep has been ignored again and I get 5 hours of sleep.  However, for some reason I am happy, contemplative and energetic.  The customers are a mix of entitled, ignorant people and attractive men; sometimes a combination.  I treat all of them way better than they deserve.  An indian woman asks me if I hate her, possibly because I didn't help her immediately and because she was being a pain in the ass.  I say "no," but my acting needs work.

Day 4: Everyone is an asshole and if I don't get out of here soon I will kill someone!  A woman asks if she can have a 5 cent plastic bag for free and I say, "I guess."  When she says goodbye I say nothing and give her a look of contempt.  A European woman tells me that cashiers are given chairs to sit on in Europe so their backs don't hurt.  "I bet you didn't know that!" she says, as if she is talking to a child.  She makes no visible effort to change the rules in our store or any Canadian store.  When customers ask for help using the self-checkouts, I try my best not to throw their items onto the carousel as hard as I can.  When I'm finally free, I do not feel joy, but confusion and a profound feeling of disappointment and regret.

At least I'm off for a few days… :)

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

St. Patrick's Day Cupcakes (Belated)

This is not a stoner food review, but I did a lot of baking today, so I've decided to blog about it because I worked hard, dammit!  Also because I had 66 posts and the numbers 6 and 66 make me uneasy, so I had to make a 67th post.  Not that I won't post more, because I will.  "And she never posted again…"

If you are wondering why I am posting this the day after St. Patrick's Day, it's because I slept through most of the day because I work nights and missed the date by a couple hours.  But, I had selected the recipes and bought the ingredients already, so I decided "fuck it!" and made the cupcakes anyway.  I have decided that St. Patty's is today and no one can convince me otherwise.  I even listened to the Cranberries and U2 and I am currently sipping a Guinness, so there!

Bailey's Irish Cupcakes:

I found the recipe for these at and followed the recipe to the letter, except for the fact that I omitted the almond extract, because my experience is that almond extract overpowers the other flavours.  The cook suggested whipped cream or Buttercream frosting but I thought, since they are Baileys cupcakes, I'll top them with Baileys icing.  I found the recipe for the Baileys icing in the Southern Food section of

I'm not sure what is Southern about a recipe that is so clearly Irish.  You'd think it would be nothing but Twinkie cupcakes and Fried Green Tomatoes there.  I guess it's because a lot of Americans have Irish ancestry or something like that.

Taste: They are pretty yummy, but without the icing I can barely taste the Baileys.  The icing is delicious and tastes exactly like Baileys, only in icing form.  They have kind of a weird taste, but they still taste good.  Maybe it's just a unique taste.  The texture is a bit firm and flat for a cupcake, but still moist and cakey enough that I have no complaints.

Chocolate Stout Cupcakes:

This one is from Food Network and it was created by Dave Lieberman.  The recipe called for cream cheese icing but, since I wanted to share with my brothers (who don't like cream cheese), I decided to use Baileys icing again, which makes for less work.  In the end, I had just enough icing to ice both sets of cupcakes, so that worked out nicely.

I think the Baileys icing works better than the cream cheese icing would have because in the cook's pre-recipe blurb, he wrote that he wanted the icing to look like the foam that lines the top of a mug of Guinness, but, as you can see in my picture, Guinness foam is not white, but a very light brown, so a Baileys icing works much better for imitating the look of a mug of Guinness.

How does it taste, you ask?  I'll tell you!  The icing is buttery and has that strong taste of Baileys, but mixed with the cake, I can taste a hint of banana.  The cake itself, without icing, tastes chocolatey and rich.  You can also faintly taste the yeast and hops of the Guinness.  The texture is moist and spongey, utterly perfect.

I must say, it feels very weird to write this sober (or mildly sober, considering the fact that I just drank a can of Guinness).  There is more clarity, but also more insecurity.

Happy St. Patty's day, everyone, and even if in your mind you think St. Patrick's day was yesterday (which is ridiculous), you shouldn't feel a lick of shame when you hoist a few (or a lot) tonight in celebration of the absurd thing that is life!  I sure won't!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 31

Listening to: Bob Marley.  Doy.  Also, Kings of Leon and Indie88 (radio station).

Hi everyone.  So, this is the last day.  As I said earlier, I'm going to do a reflection today.  The final dinner at the stoner table is... *drumroll please* ... doughnuts and a Corona! *licks lips and looks lovingly at luscious donuts*

Selection Assorted Mini Donuts (there are three types):

Frosted: Amaazing.  So so sweet and cakey.  I think I'm going to be eating these with a fork because they are messy!  There is almost something lemony in the aftertaste.  It's so sugary, and yet it still isn't too sugary.  The only thing I can think of to say is it's wonderful.  And it's cool as the other side of a pillow.  Oh God is this going to be one of those days where I get even more than what was on my plate afterwards because even though it would be really filling sober, you could eat so much of that thing anyway?

Chocolate:  I keep wanting to eat the cinnamon next because it looks amazing!  Ok, self control...  Save the best for last...  Kind of cakey, actually.  No, the chocolate overpowers that flavour.  These aren't any better high.  I guess they'll always be my least favourite flavour; the chocolate ones.  I bet they would be better if they could use a chocolate powder, instead of a chocolate liquid coating.  All the same, there is something about them that radiates because of my mental state.

Cinnamon: Oh, so excited.  Flavour just gushes into my mouth.  The cinnamon is stronger than I expected, but not too strong.  It has a lot of the beautiful sweetness of the frosted ones.  I can feel my teeth rotting...  The cinnamon, the cake, the sugar... they blend so perfectly.  My sensitive teeth are getting uncomfortable, but I really want one or two more.  Oh my God it's so good.  These are perfect donuts; not too big, not too weird of a taste to them.  They should call them Two-Bite Donuts, because you can eat them in a couple bites.  I want another, but then again I also don't want a heart attack... and heart attack wins out in that scenario.  Sorry, tongue.  Better luck next time I'm eating some carbohydrates!  Those donuts were great.  My stomach echoes me with a satisfying burp.

Corona: Bitter, cool, tastes a bit sweet because I just ate the donuts.  My tongue is tickled by the fizz.  I can also taste the delicious yeast, but it's more subtle.  The hops are strong in this one.  Not too strong.  As beer goes, I like it.  It's making me sway side to side in bliss.  I can taste a hint of apples.  I think this would be a great summer drink, or maybe an autumn drink.  Not the greatest in the winter.  A good whiskey or Bailey's is good, but not cold beer...  Not much to say.  It's beer, it's cool, it gets the job done and makes you so relaxed...


What did I learn from this little experiment/series?  Was it fun?  Was it challenging?  

I learned a lot from this.  Well, not a huge, profound realization or something like that, but a few little things.  

1. I am not an experienced food reviewer by any means.  I review lots of movies, books, concerts, movies in my free time, but not food so much.  I don't know if I learned any new terminology or methods but I definitely got some experience reviewing food and learned how to describe food with words other than "great" or "awesome," but it was challenging to think of things to say about the food at times.

2. I got to see old foods in a new light.  Whether it was something that I liked tasting better, something I loved tasting worse, something I always thought was "meh" tasting like a dream come true, I think the high changes the flavour of foods sometimes, for better or for worse (usually better).  I also think spiciness is amplified when you are high.

3. I learned to appreciate food more.  Much of the food I ate for this challenge I ate without TV, a book, someone to talk to, etc.  I was usually just listening to music or it was just me, the food and the keyboard.  It was weird because most of the food that I eat, I will eat it while distracting or entertaining myself in some way.  For this challenge my food had my full attention and it was different, but good.  I was focusing on the flavours and appreciating the meal on it's own.  I think I might try that sober more often.  Eating food and just thinking about the flavour, needing no other entertainment.  Thinking about how lucky I am to have this three times a day or more.  And good quality most of the time.  Then again, I still prefer watching something or reading something while eating.  It's just so much more entertaining, however good the food is.  So maybe I'll just appreciate the food on it's own when I'm high and everything is entertaining.  

4. I learned to do something consistently.  Put out something every day, flexing my writing muscles daily.  That was really good.  It was nice seeing the posts stack up day after day, when usually they'd crawl for months.  Most bloggers post a lot more often than I do, so it was good to try to blog more regularly.  

5. I tried some new foods!

6.  I worked on my photography.  I 'm not a very experienced photographer, but I think this increased my experience.  I found myself playing with light, angles, presentation, background, etc over the course of the month as my photographer dad gave me advice on my photos occasionally.

7. I learned that, for the most part, flavour-wise, weed just makes food taste better.  Or it helps you notice the flavour of food that was already really good.  Thinking about my past responses, most of my reviews involved the phrase "Mmmm..." and the overwhelming majority of the reviews were positive.  However, I usually went for foods that I like or foods I thought I would like.  I think it would be interesting for me to do another series with foods that I both like and dislike and see how weed changes the way I perceive them.  Perhaps another time.  

Despite all the benefits, there is also the fact that most of what I ate was unhealthy and on many cases I ate too much of it in one sitting, due to my low self-control when I have the munchies.  I have been noticing more heartburn this week and I gained about ten pounds during this experiment.  Yeah, yikes.  Tomorrow I'm going to start working hard to go to sleep right after getting high, because, otherwise, TEMPTATION.  Even right now, one of the Cinnamon Donuts is calling to me.  Stop it, you fiend!  So, I'm looking forward to not being so unhealthy, and getting to bed earlier.

Was it fun?  Yes, definitely.  Was it challenging?  Occasionally, when cooking food or taking photos high.  I usually tried to cook them sober, but when they were done high, sometimes I would screw up the timing with my low self-control, like eating some of a dish before I could photograph it.  

Well, thanks for reading and that is the end of the Stoner Food Reviews.  Perhaps I will do another that is only local restaurants that I walk to or one where I cook through a classic cookbook and sample each recipe high.  I'm not sure, but for now, goodbye!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 30

Listening to: Indie Rock Station

Well good morning to everyone.  I decided to do some restaurant food today.  I went to Bombay Grill and bought takeout!  It's from a local indian take-out place called Silver Spoon.  The smell is intoxicating.

Chana Masala with Biryani Rice (I've already reviewed the rice in a previous entry): It's very hot... and spicy.  But good.  Mmm... buttery.  I don't remember it being this spicy.  The flavour is lovely.  The chick peas taste nice and meaty.  Sometimes the spice overpowers the flavours, but sometimes the spice is milder and the flavours stand out more.  It's so juicy.  I love the texture of the rice and the chewy chick peas.  Good thing I have a big glass of water.  I wish this was milder.  I don't know if I can finish this.  I'm getting full.  It's really good though.  I guess I'll move onto the chocolate and come back to it later...

Cadbury Dairy Milk (Chips Ahoy! Cookie Dough flavour): This was amazing sober, so I think I'm in for a treat.  There are cute little pockets of cookie dough in here.  The dough tastes like the cookie, but a bit better, flavour-wise.  This is really good.  I'm taking big bites now.  The chocolate just wraps around the cookie dough perfectly.  If I could improve this chocolate bar, I would more cookie dough to the recipe.  It's a bit too subtle.

That was a great dinner.  Very nice.  Have a lovely morning, everyone, especially the night hawks going to bed right now!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 29

Listening to: Indie Rock Station

Hello peeps.  I am so hungry and so high.  The deadly combo.  Today, the dishes are... cereal and chocolate!

 Alpha Bits: Sweet, crunchy and the milk complements it and moistens it so well.  It's kind of like eating bones, but they are fluffier, sweeter, more Disneyfied.  This is poetry in a bowl.  So simple but so great.  I think I might have seconds.  My head is exploding with happiness, stretching.  The milk at the bottom is sweet and delicious, I notice as I suck it back.  That was nice.

Cadbury Dairy Milk (Caramel Popcorn flavour): Mmmm....  That's good.  The popcorn flavour really pops and the chocolate is so smooth and sweet.  I love the contrast in texture between the chocolate and popcorn.  The popcorn also adds a saltiness and a butteriness.

That was a wonderful snack.  It definitely satisfied my sweet tooth.  I think I will have a second bowl of those Alpha Bits.  Goodnight stoners (and people marked under the category "other")!

Next time: We stop doing the "next time"s.  They are lame and also kind of plagiarism.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 28

Listening to: Indie Rock Station and Hard Rock/Classic Rock Station

Hi gals and guys!  I'm back... from my sobriety!  It was so warm today!  I hope spring is coming!  There's still snow, but I have hope.  At least some warmer days?

Homemade Classic White Bread (from a Betty Crocker cookbook): Yummy and yeasty, very chewy, the crust has a nice crunchiness, also a little bit sweet; just enough.  Not too much.  The golden crust has a sharp, strong flavour.  Mmmm... this is damn good.  :D  This bread is the perfect texture; chewy, malleable...  I could eat so much of this bread.  I think I'll have some more...  Man, my reviews are ALWAYS so glowing.  This is nothing like store bread.  You couldn't buy this in a store.  It's very hard to stop eating these, but I must stop eating them now.

Chocolate Chip Cookie from Country Style (won it from a coffee cup there): Wow, the chocolate is so strong.  Can't tell whether it's homemade or one of those freeze-dried things.  Getting full now.  Mmmm...  The non-chocolate flavour is tasty too!  I highly recommend trying this high.  Man, when I ate these sober a while ago they were unremarkable, but they are amazing high.  My tongue wants more delicious flavours, but my stomach wants me to stop.  I'll go with my stomach... but not my liver.  ;)

Monday, March 3, 2014

Sorry again!

Out of product again due to poor planning!  I will hopefully post tomorrow but if not, I will definitely return in the next few days.

Stay smoky, my friends, and remember to take 'er easy.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 27

Listening to: Playlist; The Whites Stripes, Blind Guardian, Sweeney Todd soundtrack, Muse, Indie Rock Station

Heylo.  Felt kind of lonely and sad after work today, but now I feel a lot better and, knowing that food and booze (and Breaking Bad) is coming, ecstatic!  So, that's sorted.  I know how to spoil myself.  :P

My Grandma's hot chocolate mix (Probably the best stocking stuffer I have ever received.  Actually second place, after the amazing beer bread mix she gave us...): The cocoa powder is a bit overpowering.  The whipped cream adds sweetness and foaminess.  The marshmallows in it are a bit annoying.  I wonder if Grandma (who is a bit anti-vegetarian) purposefully put it in the mix, knowing that I am vegetarian and it contains gelatin.  I've decided to drink the mix anyway because I need to use it up and gelatin isn't as bad as meat because it is more of byproduct than the actual product and it's harder to abstain from because it's in literally all candy.  The flavour is richer and sweeter at the bottom, where all the marshmallows have crowded together.  I think the marshmallows dominate the flavour too much.  The marshmallows at the bottom actually taste pretty good, but I won't eat the dregs with a spoon.  That's enough senseless pig's skin and bones-eating for today, thanks.  I hope I don't sound too condescending towards meat-eaters.  I don't mean to come across that way, but it's harder to tell what my writing tone is when I'm high.  I respect everyone's diet, even if I disagree with it.

Crispy Minis (Buttered Popcorn flavour): Mmmmm....  I love the flavour and texture of this.  Certain rice cakes have more flavour than others and when you eat those you can really taste the butter flavour.  They occasionally have a tang of sweetness to them.  They're so good I'm eating the little chunks at the bottom of the bowl, and very messily, I might add.

Grand Marnier: Highly complex and interesting flavour.  It's sweet and sends warmth up my nose.  It tastes like candy, cherries, syrup and alcohol.  Unlike rum or vodka or tequila, it's sweetness overpowers the bitterness of alcohol so it tastes delicious and it still has the same alcoholic content as more bitter hard liquors.  Perfect.  Very tasty.

Goodnight, people!  Tomorrow, I'm sure I will have another equally delicious set of dishes to consume for your vicarious pleasure.

Next time: we eat all the parents who have sex loud enough for the kids to hear it.  *shudders*

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 26

Listening to: Playlist; Stevie Wonder, Rush, Bob Marley, The Postal Service

Hello stoners, investigators and readers of the world!  Today, I bring you some of the most delectable foods I've been able to get my hands on and sample in my years on this earth.  

Kraft Dinner Original: Still a bit lukewarm because it's microwaved, not fresh.  The flavours turns off and on; flavourless and then filled with flavour.  Not quite as good microwaved and high as fresh and sober.  I guess microwaving just saps some of the flavour out of it.  It tastes the way Kraft Dinner usually tastes to me sober; cheesy, buttery, rich, deliciously junky-tasty, but a less defined version of those tastes.

Ritter Sport Praline: Lovely.  So smooth and milky.  The hazelnut flavour is sweet and strong.  This is definitely the best flavour of Ritter Sport.  This is filling even when I'm high.  Not much to say about this because I have no complaints.

Next time! We ayte aypples and banaynays.