Friday, February 28, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 25

Listening to: Kings of Leon

Hello there, folks.  I've decided that on the 31st day (marking a month) of my stoner food review month, I'll do a little reflection on how I felt about this challenge and what I learned and discovered.  Today, I have a massive thing to eat.  See for yourselves...  All I can say is that this tastes amazing.  The naan tastes nice and baked and the curry is spicy, earthy, meaty.

Gits Ready Meals Chana Masala (Indian curry) with naan bread: Very yummy.  Slight aftertaste of celery.  It's like dipping bread in a delicious bean soup.  Mmm... the chickpeas really boost the flavour.  I cooked the naan a lot longer than I usually do, and it's almost as crunchy as a cracker now.  Still great-tasting.  Can't stop eating to write something!  All I can say is that this tastes amazing.  The naan tastes nice and baked while the curry tastes earthy, spicy, meaty, maybe a bit nutty as well.  It definitely isn't too spicy for me.  That was awesome.  Weirdly enough I'm still hungry.  Guess I'll have something else.

Crispy Minis (Caramel Kettle Corn flavour): Yay dessert!  These are basically little rice cakes with really tasty flavours.  Very sweet and caramelly!  Interesting texture, kind of bumpy and crisp.  These are so good.  They do also have that sweet and salty kettle corn taste, but it's subtle.  Nom nom nom.  I could eat another bowl if I wanted to but I think that's enough for today.

Next time!  Phish and Meat Loaf.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 24

Listening to: Silversun Pickups

Hello again.  I only had two hours sleep and I've been up for 13 hours, so I barely made it to my post here today, in my zombie-like state.  I'm here now, though, with an enchanting assortment of treats to enjoy.  Okay, just two things, but oh well.  What's weird today is that I've been feeling crappy all day due to fatigue and a hangover, but right now I feel awesome.  Just relaxed, but not weighed down with tiredness.  Maybe getting stoned actually helps you stay up later because you can focus better and feel more mellow, yet energized.

Barbecue Chips: Smokey.  Sweet, yet savoury.  Also, kind of salty and spicy.  Sucking on them is fun, because you can leach out the flavour of the chip.  Lays are also like that.  Well, pretty much any greasy type of chip.  These are really tasty and addictive.

Irresistibles Pecan Clusters: Just looking at them I'm excited.  Pecans perfectly encased in well-crafted chocolate on a pure white china plate.  They kind of look like big brown buttons.  Mmm... I taste caramel.  They're very chewy, verging on the texture of taffy.  Nutty and chocolatey; this tastes fantastic.  They taste a little bit like toffee as well.  Those were good.  

Next time we eat the meaning of life so no one will ever find out.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 23

Listening to: Indie Rock Station (Not The Edge, starting to really hate that station)

Hello there.  Did you know I've gained eight pounds since I began this project?  Yup.  Crazy.  It could have have something to do with indulging Munchies me each night, maybe.  Today it was slim pickings for food because dad hadn't bought groceries in a while, and neither have I, so there we go...  I managed to scrounge up something tasty, though...

President's Choice The Decadent Chocolate Chip Cookie Flavour Hot Chocolate: Mmm... Tastes like cookies and chocolate.  Kind of lukewarm.  Tastier than I remember.  I can taste the hot milk as well.  Honestly, I want to get this over with because I am looking forward to the next thing!  Very chocolatey and rich at the bottom, with punches of pure sugar.

The best porridge I have ever made (I've gone bonkers today) with oatmeal, cinnamon sugar, milk, maple syrup and honey): Mmm... flavourful.  Tastes a bit like cinnamon pastry mixed with macaroons.  The cinnamon flavour is strong but not overpowering.  This is very good, considering the fact that it was a second or last resort.  It's so wholesome and old-timey-tasting, and yet, there's sooooo much sugar...  I love that.  

Wow, Breaking Bad is amazing high.  I was watching a scene in season one, episode two and I kept saying "oh shit!" over and over, in surprise.  

Next time!  We eat balut.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 22

Listening to: Muse, MGMT

Okay, let's take some pictures, shall we?

Today I'm watching Mad Men because I can't think of anything else to watch on Netflix.  This is my first time watching it so I don't know if I'll like it.  If I don't, I'll watch Breaking Bad.  

Time to eat... *rubs hands expectantly*  My snack is quite junky and sugary today.

Crispy Crunch: Mmmmmm... chocolately and sweet, with a centre that tastes like Peanut Brittle.  Oh wow, this is good.  It's an explosion of confectionary flavour.  Oh dear, if you have peanut allergies you can't eat this probably.  What a sad thought.  Must have more candy!  I am salivating.  I could eat so many of these...  Mmmmm...  Unfortunately I only have one bar.  But, the next food might be a consolation as it is also sweet and delicious...

Skittles (Darkside): Mmmmm.... Lime.  Reminds me of a Slushie.  I haven't had Skittles in a while.  They're so flavourful, even if the flavour is artificial.  Still tastes good.  :)  Cherry next and orange.  I must have eaten oranges and reds together.  Another green.  Yum.  Grape, but tastes too sugary to be accurate.  Red and green.  Tastes kind of pomegranate-limey.  Blue.  Can't taste what it is.  The legend says forbidden fruit.  Mysterious.  I think I like green the best.  Also, these taste a bit like a solid version of Kool-Aid.  Oh, there are two shades of red; fruit punch and pomegranate.  Purple and blue is a nice combo.  Grapey and fruity and oh so sweet.  Purple and green are also good together.  In short, very yummy candy.  These are really good for a sugar fix.  I hope I can sleep okay today.

Mike's Hard Lemonade: Mmmm.... Still cool.  Tastes so clean, lemony, fizzy.  Along with yesterday's cider, this drink also reminds me of champagne.  The texture of the bottle feels like a lemon.  I think that's what they had in mind.  This has amazing flavour for something with alcohol.  I tried spiking a Brisk Lemonade with vodka (the same liquor used in what I'm drinking right now).  It's making me drift off a bit.  Yeah, I can only taste the vodka ever so slightly.  And yet I'm clearly getting tipsy.  That was good.

Well, goodnight.  Hope everyone has a great day and hopefully some time to chill out, relax and wind down.  Hopefully it will also be a mind-altering time.  Again, this is your host, Hedonistic Hermit, and I will see you tomorrow!

Next time!  We eat nothing.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 21

Listening to: Little Miss Higgins; great up-and-coming Canadian blues fusion artist.  Here are some clips if you want to check her out.  She was recently nominated for a Juno:

Haha my little brother is improvising a song that I requested: "I want it to be about a girl getting tortured!"  It's actually quite good and atonal.  I suppose atonalism really is torture, isn't it?  Oh my God he just worked Hot Cross Buns into it.  God help me.

Homemade Nachos (Tostitos with Cheddar and Mozarella cheese, topped with dollops of salsa cooked into the chips): Smokey, corny, savoury.  The salsa is spicy, flavourful, juicy.  I can taste a slight amount of JalapeƱo in this, or maybe guacamole.  Cheesy as well.  They're kind of cold, but still really good.  I'm just gobbling these up, like a turkey.  Very delicious.  Still a bit hungry.  I think I'll pop some popcorn (but I'm not reviewing it because I've already done that).

Somersby Apple Flavoured Cider (Imported from Denmark): Bought myself an alcohol treat today, this and Mike's Hard Lemonade.  :)  I could smell the apple flavour even as I opened the can, which emitted a light spray.  Sweet and fruity-tasting.  It tastes a little bit like champagne and it's just as fizzy.  This is lovely and divine; I should buy it all the time.  Very refreshing and pure.  Alcoholic cider is awesome.

Not sure if I'm still high now, but goodnight, all!  Until tomorrow...

Next time we eat Freedom Fries.  

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 20

Listening to: MGMT

Hello there!  It is I, the great stoned food guru.  Today I bring you some delicious treats that I shall eat in front of you.  

Pecans: Buttery and rich, but they still taste nuttier and healthier than most other things that I would describe as "buttery and rich."  They have such an odd, bumpy texture, almost like they are dead grasshoppers or something.

Pecans and Peanut Butter Chocolate Hearts: Alright, I'll admit it.  I came up with this idea high.  Mmmm... Can't taste the peanut as much as the chocolate, and I'm doing half a chocolate with each pecan.  Weird.  I'll try again.  No, I think the chocolate flavour is stronger than the pecans.  I'll try two pecans with half a chocolate.  Wow, still a bit more powerful.  Okay, for a second I could taste them together and it tasted yummy.  Hard to describe the taste when they are together; kind of like a familiar dessert, maybe chocolate almonds or peanut brittle.  No, I can't place the exact taste, but it's a nice combo.  

Betty Crocker Herb and Garlic Mashed Potatoes: This is herby and rich, so hearty as well.  Really interesting flavours.  There's a bit of a punch to the flavour.  It's so smooth in texture, just slowly sliding down my throat.  That was delicious.  Licking the spoon.  Glad I have a second pack of potato flakes in the box for another time.  :)  

That was a lovely noon-hour snack.  Have a great afternoon, day walkers and I will see you again, tomorrow morning or afternoon, hopefully with some homemade sour bread and some yogurt dotted with chocolate.  

Next time!  We eat a pus-  A pu-  ...a cat.  Yes, a cat.  There is no synonym for that word other than feline, so that is what I shall be eating.  A cat and/or feline.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 19

Listening to: Die Mannequin, Radiohead, Silversun Pickups, Gorillaz, Infected Mushroom

Hello fellow ants in this big mean universe.  I am your host, Hedonistic von Hermit, here to bring you my feelings towards foods while I am high.  I have quite a morning feast here; tomato-rice soup, pumpernickel rye bread and Strawberry Shortcake yogurt.  Everything looks lovely.  

Oh, interesting tidbit.  Today was one of my first days going into work hungover (on three hours of sleep) and, wow, it sucks.  The only thing I like about it is that it's almost like a drunkness, where annoying people and long stretches of time don't bother you as much and any pain (feet, stomach, head) is numbed a little bit.  I usually have one drink with my 420 and then go to bed, but last morning I had, at least 4 drinks, mostly vodka and, wow, last night was not at all amusing, so I really don't feel like any alcohol tonight.   

Campbell's Tomato Rice Soup: Sweet, I can definitely taste the rice.  It's still fairly warm, but it would have been nice hotter.  I'm too lazy to re-microwave it.  A bit artificial-tasting.  I hate that taste; I get that for Selection Kraft Dinner, as well.  Paranoid that this is going to spill on me.  Large green leaves in here; I wonder whether they are basil, cilantro, spinach?  I could probably read the ingredients list on the can which is sitting in my recycle bin, but, again, LAZY.  And, ew, I'm not going to shuffle through the recycles right before bed.  It's staying warm, thankfully.  Annnnddd... it's cold.  Pretty darned good soup, all in all.  

Pumpernickel Rye:

This is lovely bread, I must say.  Mmmm...  It's almost like gingerbread.  A bit bitter.  Also a bit stale, but I never end up shopping in the late morning or afternoon when the bread is fresh.  It's sad.  Very doughy and chewy.  Lovely flavour.  I don't understand what people hate about Pumpernickel.  It's a beautiful bread.  It feels like a nice comforter on the roof of my mouth.  Nom nom nom.  This tastes a bit like sourdough.  Oooh!  I should MAKE that and review it soon!  Mmmmm... Sourdough.  Focus, back to the pumpernickel.  Nom nom nom.  I love bread.

Now for dessert...

Strawberry Shortcake Yogurt (by Astro, I believe): It looks so nice it its classy ramekin.  Usually I just put it in a glass bowl, but I'm trying to make my photos look kind of pretty these days.  Mmmmm....  Well, this is melting in my mouth.  Okay, not literally, but, you know what I mean.  This is almost like candy.  Cotton candy or something.  It's delicious.  This would be so good with some little chocolates, like Smarties, chocolate chips, Rolos, etc.  Nom nom.  I'd better try that next time as well.  

Next time! We eat Meat Loaf!  The food, not the artist!  Wouldn't want to be cliched or predictable.  

Next next time!  Sourdough bread (from scratch) and this yogurt with some kind of chocolate in it.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 18

Listening to: Jefferson Airplane, Queens of the Stone Age

Stouffer's Bistro Crustini, Italian Five Cheese: Yummy and hearty.  Kind of stiff, but definitely warm.  Tastes a little bit burnt.  The cheese is full of herbs and flavour.  Tastes like pizza, or pasta.  It's disappearing before my eyes.  The bread/battery is herby as well.  Very tasty, like a savoury pastry.

Cashews: Sweet and nutty.  I love the shape.  Hits my teeth in an odd but soothing way.  It also has kind of a clean, innocent taste to it.  Sorry I can't think of more to say.  It's just hard to describe the taste.  They are delicious, though.

Next time!  We eat a Monet.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 17

Listening to: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beck, Enya, Muse, Lorde

Hello.  Finally getting to bed at a reasonable hour; 10 am.  To day folks: 10 pm.  Going to have a lovely meal now.

Chow Mein Yaki Soba ramen: Messy and addictive sober.... what will happen high???  Mmmm... gingery.  Still a bit warm.  I have no book or show or movie today.  Just eating, it's that good.  Ok, music, but I always have music.  So lovely.  This ramen is amazing.  It's the kind of ramen that you want to eat three of in one sitting.  Never done that, but it is on my life's to do list, I think...  I'm eating this too fast because it's too delicious.  I think these noodles have nicotine in them.  Mmmm... So good. The noodles are cold now, but I don't care.  They taste just as good.  Clinging to these last few bites...  That was delish.

Palmer Valentines Peanut Butter Chocolate Hearts: Earlier, I reviewed their caramel counterparts, so, obviously the Peanut Butter ones must be reviewed as well!  Mmmmm.... this is like true love's first kiss in my mouth.  Tastes a lot like a Reeses; chocolate, salt, peanut butter.  I am definitely salivating. Amazing.  They're so rich and delicious.  Mmmmmmm.......

That's all for today, folks!  Stay tuned for the next episode, okey dokey?

Next time!  We eat snow, so it will go away and never come back, fading into obscurity, wallowing in pitiful misery as springs reigns!  Then I can finally go biking again!  Mwahahahaha!  I really miss it.  So much.  I just can't do this much longer, I need spring so bad.  Please come, spring!  Spring?  Please?  Please!?!?!??!?!?!?

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 16

Listening to: Tool, Rush

It's snack time!  The thing I'm going to eat today is one of my favourite breakfasts and snacks.  It's just the perfect combo of flavours.

Blueberry Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam, toasted: The first bite tells you everything you need to know.  So sweet and fruity.  Mmmmm... I can taste the butter, too, influencing the flavour of everything...  Strrraawwwwberrrry...  This like eating a beavertail, so rich and sweet and wonderful and BIG.  For some reason this seems bigger than other food.

Next time we eat a Mockingjay.  :(

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 15

Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, The Neighbourhood and Disturbed.  I'm eclectic...

Hello there.  Today is unintentionally pirate-themed as I am going to be eating an apple and drinking some rum.  Actually, I don't know if apples are pirate food, probably quite the opposite because fresh fruit didn't last long for soldiers sailing for months, but, ah, fuck it, it isn't pirate-themed...  I guess it's because I saw Barbarossa eating an apple in Pirates of the Carribean and my mind made this jump to:

Pirate = apple eater

Sorry about that.  I'm not eating that much food, because I just had a large portion of delicious tortellini.  If I feel hungry enough for anything after this, I might have a bit of it.  The little munchies fairy in my mind is telling me to ditch the apple and go for the tortellini.  Eat a little bowl of it!  However, my curious, adventurous mind wants me to tell you what an apple tastes like high.  So, maybe I'll appease both.  And my excesses, wasting-time fairy will love that decision.  Time to eat.

Royal Gala Apple: Initial piney taste.  Now it tastes refreshing and watery.  Yup, definitely tastes like an apple.  Crispy.  Hard to describe, I don't think I can taste it as well.  This is probably the healthiest thing I've eaten so far, and honestly, it's a bit confusing to eat.

Captain Morgan's Dark Rum (just a shot!  I'm not going crazy with the alcohol, since I had a vodka shot earlier): When I tried this sober, I remember it tasting way better than most rums I've had.  More flavourful and tasting of caramel.  Let's try it again now.  I get the kick almost right away, as is the case with most hard liquors.  It warms my throat like an oral fireplace.  I don't think I like it as much now.  It's got that subtle taste of hand sanitizer.  Mmm...  I can taste the caramel, too.  My head is buzzing.  Good god, it smells much better than it tastes, even when I'm only getting a second-long sniff.    I take a longer sip and my whole body loosens a bit; it smells gorgeous, so fragrant.  This smell could be made into a perfume.  Oh God, it's like Cardamom.  Each sniff makes me slightly faint.  Smelly slightly of vanilla.  My eyes are twitching like crazy.  That was one of my better experiences with hard liquor.

Will I do it?  Aw, heck.  Who could turn down something as delicious as this:

Baked Tortellini with Tomato Sauce: So delicious.  Initially tastes like tomato and dough.  Mmmmm...  Sweet and doughy.  Cheesy.  I sure love adjectives.  Warm.  Sometimes it is firm and chewy; I love that texture.  It's also soft sometimes. Mmmmm... the cheese is sweet, or maybe it's the basil that was sprinkled on top.  Or both.  Very hot at times.  I almost burned my tongue, but it's oh so good.  I really don't like the green ones at much.  They taste too vegetably.  I know, I'm such a picky person.  Eating all the green ones first so I get them over with.  The leftovers are less firm and chewy.  I love it when I can taste the basil.  That was lovely.  It was hearty, like a good soup, which is what that bowl is usually used for.

Next time!  We eat century-old pot brownies.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 14

Hola, amigos!  Che pasa?  Listening to lots of Spanish music today, or quasi-Spanish music.  Check out my list of green, 420-friendly music on...

Always adding music to that list.  

Pretzels: Mmmm....  Crunchy, savoury and, of course, salty but not overly salty.  Gets too salty in the last few bites.  

Celestial Seasonings Sugar Plum Spice Holiday Tea: I got this for sale at the grocery store I work at, from the lingering seasonal clearance items.  Looking forward to sleeping.  Nice and flavourful.  I can sense so many nice herbs when I taste and smell.  Spicy, like cardamom and cinnamon.  Somewhat fruity as well.  It gets sweeter as I go deeper.  Done.

Next time we eat a Pikachu.  :(  Just kidding, that's mean.  Next time we eat a Men's Rights Activist.  Whew, now I feel better.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 13

Listening to: Rufus Wainwright.

You know, as I read my last few posts I don't think I sound that out of it and weird.  I actually write quite articulately when I'm high, even if I remembered feeling like I was on another planet; completely incapacitated.

Today's slop is...

Lasagna!  Yeah, I know, it looks pretty sloppy, but high people are lazy so that's what you get, looking for amazing photography on a stoner blog...  You people are nuts.

That is what is left of the casserole, after it was ruthlessly devoured by my dad and his maniacal girlfriend and my two fucking shit-for-brains brothers.  I didn't mean that.  Sorry.

 Lasagna: Warm and hearty.  Chewy.  It oozes with cheese.  Nice flavour.  Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay, pretty good.  Difficult to eat.  It was good but not the best lasagna I've had.  

Next time!  We eat an Arcade Fire.  

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 12/Actor Obsessions

May I just say right now, Steve Buscemi is the hottest actor ever.  He's so dreamy.  Ha, now I sound like someone from the 'fifties.  He's so talented.  I saw him in Fargo and then in Ghost World and I thought, "that is true range."  His eyes, his blue, drooping eyelid eyes are so sad and expressive.

I scoured his wikipedia biography for signs of tragedy in his life, but, other than a violent bar fight, some jail time for protesting and Monsters University, his life seems quaint, pleasant and just a little bit boring.  Sure, I should have probably looked on other websites for a more thorough biography, which I may do later, but maybe he just had a really decent life.  Or... he rarely talks about his personal life or past other than schooling and being a firefighter, so no one knows about his life.  I just know something tragic has happened to him, looking into his pleading, defeated eyes, his eyes that long for a sweet and loyal love.  I know his heart has been broken and his mind torn to pieces at least once.  OR..... his face is permanently made to look like he is pleading and defeated and longing and his eyes are the only facial features telling the story of his emotions, so he is stuck in one emotion.  He probably doesn't always project those tragedy eyes, but it's as if he can just call up vivid memories of his past and use it for accuracy when he acts.  Anyway, that is my next actor phase.

And the great thing about obsessing over Steve Buscemi, as opposed to previous actor obsessions (alright, confession time: Cary Elwes, Rick Moranis, Steve Carell, Michael J. Fox, Jack McBrayer, Rick Mercer, Alan Rickman, Johnny Depp.  The biggest, most obsessive one was Jack McBrayer.  There is something terrifying yet adorable and charming about him that I love.), is that unlike an actor like Jack McBrayer, Steve Buscemi actually consistently does quality movies that I am more likely to want to sit through.  For example, 90% of Buscemi's movies, I plan to see and probably will, while I'll probably watch half of Jack McBrayer's roles because he's doing so much children's television and just shitty B-list movies that don't do well on Rotten Tomatoes.  That's the reason I won't be watching Savannah.  I guess I trust Rotten Tomatoes too much.  They just are accurate so often, I rarely disagree.  Their Brain Candy rating was unfair, I think, but other than that, they're quite accurate.  He's on Conan, too, but I just can't sit through a talk show.  I'd kill myself first.  They're so vapid and superficial and urgh.  I hate them.  I think interviewing celebrities is so much better when you remove the visual and it's about thoughts and ideas instead of new looks, hairdos, useless products to promote, etc.  So I prefer the reputable magazine interviews, radio interviews, etc.  Time to eat the food.

Food In This Spread: Cinnamon Heart Candy, Palmer Caramel Valentine Chocolates, Oatmeal Crisp (Almond) Cereal, shot of Cointreau:

Oh, did I mention that the Cinnamon Hearts were 30 cents and the chocolates (which had filled the bowl earlier) were $1.50.  Love it when candy goes on sale.  

Lets' go...

Cereal: Tastes so nourishing.  I'm just devouring it.  It's just... sweet and delicious and oatmeally and crunchy.

Cinnamon Hearts: Mmmmmm.... Warm, sweet cinnamon.  If anything tastes like Valentine's Day, it is this exact candy.  I just mentally think of the taste of this candy when people say Valentine's Day.  Ooohhh....  I've got heartburn and a burnt tongue, but it's so good.  I'm not sucking them right now, I'm too impatient and I'm just chewing them.  They're better that way anyway; they lose their flavour towards the end if you suck on them.  My mouth is fiery hot.  I think I'm done.  No, 2 more.  God, they taste exquisite.  There's something almost buttery to their cinnamon-sugary flavour.

Chocolate: I swayed a bit at the first mouthful; tiredness or ecstasy?  Mmmmm.... Somewhere in the middle of consuming these, there's some kind of pop in the flavour and it just hits you that this ranks around your top ten chocolate experiences.  My thoughts are really hard to follow right now...  All I know is they are saying "more chocolate!  More chocolate!  I did not get a decent review... or quantity of delicious chocolate."  But there is none left.  My family gobbled them up and so did I.

AL-KEY-HALL: (eg. alcohol) Time to get a bit buzzed.  I'm sipping it because I can get more tipsy that way.  Tastes a little bit fizzy.  Is that possible?  Weird.  No, I'm imaging it.  I just don't know if I like this flavour.  It's not quite a perfect mockery of the taste of an orange and tastes almost like Flintstones vitamins.  Yeah, I think I'll go for a beer next morning/afternoon.  Geez...  At least it has that alcohol taste to drown out the kids' vitamin taste a bit.

Ok, hopefully I can get 6 hours of sleep before work.

Next time! Better call Kenny Loggins because we're going to be eating... the DANGER ZONE.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 11

Hello again, my fellow what-cha-ma-call its.  I am crazy high.  Just so...... high.  In the middle of a movie called Ghost World.  Pretty funny so far.  Okay, time to eat.  Not that hungry today.

Cinammon-Sugar and Cream Cheese Bagel: Grainy, a bit burnt-tasting (my fault).  It's a nice blend of flavours.  The cream cheese is so soft, but I find chewing laborious and painful.  Stopped early.  Really high.  Bye for now, YOU!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 10

Hello again, my sleepy, lazy, hungry friends!  I made Strawberry Cream Cheese Pound Cake today.  My God that title sounds amazing.  Whoa, I am very buzzed...  I found this recipe on Bakerella and was drawn in by how delicious it seemed.  I may also make her Petits Fours soon.

Recipe here:

I think it turned out fairly well, except the toothpick did not come out clean, even after more than ten extra minutes of baking.  Ohhh I'm hungry and sleepy...  Now to try it, which I have yet to do.  I've given one side icing, to compare.  If I had put in any effort (been sober), I could have made a cleaner slice, but today I'm apparently hell-bent on being a dumb-ass, so this happened:

Strawberry Cream Cheese Pound Cake: Pastry and strawberry intermingled.  So yummy.  I think this is a good recipe.  It's not even warm anymore, but it's still so fresh and delicious-tasting.  I like the zings of tartness from the strawberries.  Now, the icing: it definitely adds a cream cheese flavour; sweet and creamy.  It sort of resembles strawberry shortcake.  It's filling me so nicely and elegantly.  Oh, it's so gooooddd...  I love this.  No joke, probably going for seconds.  Oh, definitely...  This is as addictive (and fatty) as a Cinnabon.  Feeling a twinge of guilt... at the fact that my brothers aren't here to see me in my moment of greatest cathartic ecstasy.

My second plate looks much nicer, doesn't it?  

Can't tell whether it's warm or lukewarm right now.  Too stoned...  This recipe is awesome. :)  Mmmmm... the cream cheese and strawberry and sweet cake blend together so harmoniously, like a harp, flute and guitar...

Goodnight, all.  Oh God, 6 AM!  Tempus fudit.  

Next time!  We eat a really beautiful piece of music and a nice, relaxing latin beat!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 9

Hello fellow bloggers and blog-stalkers!  Time to have one of the greatest meals of my life... you'll see in a second, but first I need to announce that Aesop Rock is actually a pretty good rapper.  There, I admitted it.

Rotini and elbows with tomato sauce and parmesan: A tad crunchy or undercooked, but I really like it way.  The tomato sauce is sparse and not too overpowering.  Also just the way I like it.  The noodles are tender and chewy.  When I notice the parmesan, the flavours are perfect.  Small chunks of tomato in the sauce explode with flavour.  Perfect temperature, the temperature of human breath.

Chocolate-Caramel-Pecan Cheesecake from M&M Meats: So little and dainty, but the other time I had that cheesecake today, I remember it was quite filling, or maybe that was the soup.  Mmmmmmm; cheesy, nutty, chocolatey.  This cheese cake is luxurious.  It's nice and cold; almost refreshing.  In my last bite I can taste the graham crumbs and they're delicious.

Basmati Rice from an Indian restaurant: Spicy, flavourful, soft and dainty.  Can't stop eating.  It's warm and moist.  Nom nom.  It's so full of spices.

Next time: We eat the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  *licks lips*

Monday, February 10, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 8

Hello there.  I am going to watch an episode of Frasier and hopefully an ASMR video so I am excited for that.  I wonder if ASMR is good high.  Without further ado, I give you...

Mrs. Vickies Sweet Chili and Sour Cream Chips: crunchy texture, brittle and snapable, sometimes has a weird aftertaste.  More savoury and flavourful than spicy.  The first flavour that hits my tongue is very serious; it means business.  Good, but more for the feeling of chewing than the flavour, which is more prominent sober for some reason.

Marzipan: I love this stuff obsessively addictive sober, so its even worse high.  Half a tube was already gone from the past few days, but tonight I decide to finish the entire second half instead of saving it for a recipe.  I'm just ramming it into my mouth nonstop, with awkward finger digs from the moist, malleable substance.  Sweet, almondy, delicious.  I love Marzipan...  The side of it smells like beeswax and lemon.

Have a good day while I have a good sleep!

Next time: We review a banana....................... peel................................ :(

P.S. ASMR is good high, but better sober.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 7

Hello my "loyal" followers-of-none.  How are the voids of your lives doing today?  Today we shall review some of the most delicious foods known to man; strawberries and Kraft Dinner Alfredo.  Begin!

Strawberries: Tart and then sweet.  They have the same feeling as raspberries; delicious yet pure and healthy.  So moist and juicy with a chewy yet crunchy texture, especially at the narrowest part of the strawberry.  Your mouth subtly explodes with juice during each bite.

Kraft Dinner Alfredo: Mmmmm...  That's just right with a side of perfection.  Bam!  Right in the kisser!  So good.  This dish is so creamy and flavourful; I can taste the garlic and oregano blending with other flavours.  Cozy warm on my tongue.  The noodles are slick with creamy sauce.  I think I need to be alone with this dish for a while... ;)

Next time: We eat pirate skulls and bones, sticks and stones and weed and bombs!  Honestly all I wanna do is *bang* *bang *bang* *bang* and *click* *Kaching!* and take your money.

Saturday, February 8, 2014


Out of product.  Will post tomorrow!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 6

Veerrrry hiiiigggh.  Wow.  Um, I don't think any alcohol will be needed tonight. *wink*  I love the Mars Voltaaa!

Popcorn (President's Choice, if you must know): butter.  Butter.  Mmmmm... Mmmmmm....  I'll be back in a few minutes, gentlemen...

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 5

It's night and time to be a pig.  Nom nom nom...

Jersey Milk Chocolate: My mouth is watering as I eat this.  Ohhh, yes.  Chocolatey but not too rich or sweet.  I want more but I only gave myself two pieces (the last of the bar).  Oh well, more sweets coming...

Hot Lips: Candy, lovely candy.  It sticks to my teeth a bit.  Cinnamon is drifting up my tongue.  I love these candies.  They're one of the few gummies that use carnauba wax instead of gelatin and they taste wonderful.  It's my favourite thing about the Valentine's season.  Well, there aren't too many things I adore about the Valentine's season...  They taste like a greeting card or a gift shop, in a way.  It's hard to stop eating these.

Twistos Snack Bites, Parmesan and Garlic: Oh wow, these are awesome.  Weird fishy aftertaste.  Garlicky.  I want to suck the flavour out of each one.  I feel like I'm on the verge of a flavour breakthrough.  My mind is cheering me on for another bowl.  Ok.

Next time!  We eat a load of dishes.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 4

Happy Hump day/Wednesday.  Once again, it is late in the day for me, because I have poor planning and self-control.  There, I admitted it.

Today I shall be reviewing this:

Havana Club rum: Bitter, rich aftertaste, tastes slightly sweet, warms up my throat as it goes down, it evens buzzes my nose with warmth as it goes down, not that good-tasting (I prefer Sambuca or Cinnamon Schnapps), tastes a bit like frogs as it goes down, I can't imagine trying to get drunk on a bottle of this, I think I'd gag; good thing it's just a small sample.  Glad that's over.  I really don't get why people like the appeal to the taste of hard liquor.  Sure, it's faster than other drinks and therefore more convenient, but I think that sacrifices a lot in terms of taste.  Some hard liquors are tasty, but most are abysmal.  I'm sure many people will call me an idiot, but it's better to be honest about what you like and don't like.  Don't pretend to like something if you don't understand the appeal.

I might have a snack with this.  Let's take a looksie...  

Toast with butter and strawberry jam: I can't comprehend eating with my left for some reason.  I'll try.  Ok.  Better. Sugary, strawberry flavour, it sticks to my lips.  When the butter and strawberry meet, it's like everything in the universe is good.  Not the best bread, which can take away from the flavour.  I love the evening.  That was lovely.  It's best on blueberry bagels, though.

Goodnight, stoners of the world!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 3

Hello again anyone who is randomly reading this!  It's that time again; the time to get baked and get baking.  Today, I have stayed up late (until 6 pm... so sad...) making Maple Syrup Muffins.  I've made this several times before and they are my little brother's favourite.  There were more muffins on that plate but they disappeared as I set up to snap the picture:

If you want to make them yourself, they are from an old 'eighties cookbook called Muffin Mania.  Unfortunately, it might be hard to get since it's so old.  They have copies on Amazon selling for anywhere in between $60 and $1000.

But if you live in Toronto, you can get it for a more reasonable price at certain addresses:

The above was written sober, because I had to post pictures.  Anyway, I'll be back once I'm in the proper state of mind...

Okay, I'm high, but not as high as usual today.  Sorry.  :(

It's so weird looking at a picture of something you're eating as you eat it, especially if it's the exact muffin you are eating.  Trippy.

Maple Syrup Muffin: Wow, it's really hot.  Burning my tongue (I just microwaved it).  I'll wait a bit.  Check Facebook.  Tasted like a lizard at first, but now it's really yummy and warm.  Eh, maybe lizards taste good when they're cooked right.  Who knows?  The icing is really buttery.  I'm as baked as this muffin.  This is like a less sweet version of those Popcorn Muffins I made a while ago.  Delicious.  Now to chase it with something else.

Little Glass of Milk: Not too much flavour, but it goes nicely with the aftertaste of the muffin.  Maybe I should have been taking sips of the milk as I ate the muffin!  I think I'll do that actually.  Nice combo of hot and cold, but the flavour does not change to me.  Just tasting each flavour separately.

Beer (President's Choice Light, I sure love my PC products, don't I?  I wonder if Progressive Conservatives are more likely to buy PC products...):  Too much sweetness, have to get rid of the taste.  Tart, sudsy, foamy, savoury, yeasty, beer hits the spot.  Really starting to feel ready for bed.  I feel like a heaviness is being draped over me.  Hard to describe the taste of beer.  When I was a kid it was just weird tasting stuff that was watered down a lot.  Now it's a lot more, because it's one of the drinks that I really drink for the taste, but it's hard to say what I like about it.  I guess how much liquid it is and how it fills you so much and tastes so meaty.

Time for Arrested Development and bed.