Shit-talking

Hello, it's been a while.  3 years.  I still don't know if anyone reads this.  It might as well be my diary except to all the companies that spy on me.  Hi, Steve Jobs!  Congrats on your monopoly!  By the way, you should treat your workers better.  If you do, maybe I'll stop boycotting you.  :)

This is just a little rant.

About shit-talking.  

I keep hearing different things about it. 

1. (From various articles on bad friends) Someone is a bad friend/person if they shit-talk people.  If someone is shit-talking people, you can bet that they are shit-talking you.  

2. (A rebuttal I hear a lot toward the first thing) Everyone gossips and shit-talks.  It's a part of life.  We need to vent about things and people that bother us.

3. (Variation on #1, also from various articles about bad friends) Someone is a bad friend/person if they shit-talk their close friends/family, not so much people outside of that group.

The last one seems like the most reasonable.  However, I can honestly understand the sentiment behind all of them despite the fact that they contradict each other.

What do I think?  I really don't know.  I know that the status quo, at least at work, seems to be that shit-talking is all well and good.  Whenever someone is complaining about someone, most people are happy to snicker or join in on the shit-talking.  Although, on occasion I see people disagree when they feel differently, saying things like, "really?  I like her."

I admit that I will often agree or laugh with the person in an attempt to fit in or because I do actually agree, but I feel guilty after, thinking I should have stood up for the person.  

There are a lot of people who think any shit talking at any time is cancer.  In fact, it actually feels like a common sentiment that everyone shares:

Are memes evidence?  Eh, I don't know.  No one said this was journalism.  It's an opinion piece.  Goddamn!  

However, for all the memes about how terrible it is to shit talk and all the articles on Huffington Post and Thought Catalog, I see so many people at work, at home, amongst my friends and in overheard conversations in public shit-talking other people like it's going out of style.  

I guess it bothers me that online shit-talking is almost universally seen as terrible but when you're at work or at a party if you stand up against shit-talking you might get some weird looks like you're uptight.   

With something like murdering people, unless you are in an online community on the deep web dedicated to murder, the universal opinion both online and in person is that murder is bad.  Shit-talking, not so much. 

But I don't know.  I think I lean toward the more reasonable stance - you shouldn't shit-talk your close friends and family but it doesn't matter as much for other people.  But I still think some shit-talking should be allowed if you need to vent about someone because they did something that pissed you off.  You just have to be okay with the other person doing it back to you.   

It's better to say it to their face though.  Easier said than done in many cases for me because I'm shy.   

But even with other people, I think it should only be if they did something to piss you off, not to just bully or put them down for no reason like, "John still wets the bed."  I don't think we need to shame John for still wetting the bed.  It's mean and unnecessary. 

Or making up rumours about people.  If you are bullying the person or making up rumours, I think that shit-talk is really bad.  

But for the most part the shit talk I hear is about a person screwing other people over, although some of it is just straight up making fun of people for no reason and I try not to engage with that, even if I just don't say anything.  Not always though.  I hate that I sometimes agree, almost on impulse.

That's something I need to work on.  Don't shit talk people unless they did something bad and I need to vent or get advice.  And don't agree with shit-talk unless I truly agree with it.

What got me thinking about this topic was a friend of a friend of mine, let's call him Quentin (because why not)...

Credit: Fansided

Well, he used to be my friend, but he did something that pissed me off and I stopped hanging out with him or talking to him except about work stuff that I couldn't avoid because we work together.  

And then I told Quentin's friend the reason why I stopped talking to him - him generally being disrespectful to me and rude to me.  I also talked shit about Quentin quite a bit because his behavior was pissing me off.  That friend (let's call him Mr. Loose Lips) told Quentin.  In response, Quentin started shit-talking me and I shit-talked him and back and forth because this mutual friend of ours had very loose lips.  Quentin was saying mean stuff about me and I got defensive and said mean stuff back.

Eventually it got really petty with Quentin saying I was jealous of him and me constantly making jokes about one of his flaws.  It was awkward at work as well.  

This all sounds pretty toxic, and I think it was.  So what happened?  I needed a somewhat big favor from Quentin and he did it without incident.  And I said thank you.  And for a few hours we were actually cordial and looked each other in the eyes instead of pretending not to see each other.  We didn't become friends again after that but we were less awkward and cold with each other at work.  

And I wondered if maybe he wasn't actually as evil as I had decided he was.  Perhaps I wasn't as innocent as I thought.  We were BOTH shit-talking each other a lot.  Maybe he was just defensive.  And I never told him to his face why I stopped talking to him - he only heard it through a friend.  That might have worsened things.

So about a week ago I decided that I would try an experiment: stop shit-talking Quentin.  And see what happens...  Would he stop shit-talking me?  Was it all a counter-strike against my attacks or is he just a mean person?  

What would it do anyway?  Mr. Loose Lips will just relay it and give Quentin another reason to hate me and he'll fire back and I'll have another reason to hate him.  Venting in a blog or a diary is much nicer than venting to Mr. Loose Lips anyway.

Right now, not enough time has passed for anything to happen.  I mean, so far he hasn't really said anything about me, good or bad. Mr. Loose Lips keeps me updated frequently though.  That's another thing to watch for when shit-talking - don't do it with people who have big mouths...  Wow, that sounded dirty.  If you have to shit-talk someone to get it off your chest, pick a good confidante - a trusted friend, a notebook, a blog, reddit...

But I'm hopeful.  I'm a hopeless optimist so I could see us being friends again (but probably talk about what pissed me off and see if he apologizes first).  However, even just not being as weird at work and being able to talk at mutual friends' parties and not avoiding each other anymore would be nice.  We will see.

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 7 - The End

Tonight is the end of the stoner food reviews for a while, probably a great while or indefinitely.  I will end with an intriguing liqueur and one of the best foods in the world: Bombay Grill's Paneer Makhani with rice.

Time to get to "work"…

Listening to: The Who, Metric (early, not late)

CHAMBORD

 

It's a black raspberry liqueur imported from France and it comes in one size at $40 a bottle; expensive but a great mixer.  

Raspberry is obviously the first flavour.  A bit artificial tasting, but that's liqueurs for you.  Mmm…  I always find it too sweet on its own but otherwise it's a very nice raspberry liqueur.  Tastes like candy, classy candy.  That was good.  Now... I can hardly wait.  La piece de resistance.

PANEER MAKHANI

It looks so beautiful with the curved, spiced grains of rice smiling at me.   “Eat me, eat me!” they say.  And I weep, “yes, dreamlings, I will eat you.  I will eat you until the end of time.”  Nice big triangular chunks of paneer.  So excited.  Mmmm... cheesy and spicy and the the soft paneer and rice.  The rice brushes my mouth like a light breeze.  And it has this nice tomato flavour as well.  If this was my food for the rest of my life I wouldn’t be that pissed.  They just do both the rice and curry so nicely.  My one complaint is that the paneer isn’t very flavourful in the middle but the sauce does a good job at distracting from that.  I mostly taste creaminess and tomato to the sauce and a little spiciness.  The rice perhaps has a bit of coriander and possibly cumin seeds.  I don’t know about the rest of the flavours and spices, but they work together like perfection.  Nice and buttery as well.  As I said, one of the best foods in the world.  

I am done.

But the moment I am back we will eat chocolate jesus.

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 6

Bonjour bollygoggles!

Before I become intoxicated, I would like to say that tomorrow will be the last day of these reviews because a week just seems like a good amount of time to do this seeing as I just wanted to revisit it for fun.  To end off the week, I will get take-out from a magical indian restaurant called Bombay Grill because their Paneer Makhani is one of the greatest dishes I have ever tasted.

Now, time to take care of business...

Listening to: Kid Cudi and other emerald-aimed music.
Watching: 30Rock

Yep, now I'm high.  So, I found the perfect thing to review high.  Fucking...

VANILLA CUPCAKE-FLAVOURED GOLDFISH



So I am starving.  It sucks to wait to eat food, which is one reason I'll be glad this is over tomorrow.  Really looking forward to that curry.  Nom nom nom.  Okay, let's try this.  Savoury and sweet, reminds me of those teddy graham cookies.  Ok, that isn't that weird.  They're basically cookies.  I should have known that seeing as it was in the cookie section, but you kind of assume it's going to be like the crackers and then if it's vanilla cupcake-flavoured then that's a weird food, but it tastes bready and sweet, like a cookie and it has a cookie texture.  Why is eye contact so frightening?  I don't know.  Maybe it's because you are clearly being watched intently.  It tastes artificial but not enough that it's bothersome.  Agh, got really freaked out just remembering this video --  Film Theory quite convincingly alleged that Wall-E has cannibalism.  Shudder.  Now let me continue this nice food review.  This does not taste like vanilla cupcake but instead vanilla teddy grahams.  So tired, so high… It's good.  They'd make a nice sugary work snack.  I'll definitely finish the bag.  Not tonight.  We've got bigger and better things…



SWISS, POTATO CHIP AND SOURDOUGH SANDWICH



This is turning out to be high food combo night, even thought the first one kind of tricked me.  Don't you think Goldfish is tricking stoners?  Thinking they'll be crackers when they're cookies...  Geez.  But you're right, I could have probably thought of some even weirder stoner food combos.

This is a sandwich I just regularly like to make, usually with a white or sourdough baguette.  Almost forgot to think about what I'm tasting haha.  Sour, potato chip taste.  There's a sharpness to the flavour of the bread.  I think I'm not used to savouring sandwiches such as these which is a shame.  I think I eat too fast.  The bread has a good texture, nice and fresh-tasting.  When you really taste all three it's a nice flavour.  I prefer the white bread version however this is also good in its own unique way.  The swiss is the least prominent flavour but you can subtly taste it and it complements the chips and bread.  I also love the texture of chips in a sandwich, crunchy and thin.  Very nice, a lovely lunch that one might consume at some normal place like a bath house or inside a piano or maybe at a microscopic, nah, why can't I think of one that isn't scary?  A lovely lunch to consume at a microscopic level inside a water bottle on a sunny summer morning in Santa Fe.  Ye.  I declare this sandwich quite nice.

BEER

I've chosen Muskoka Cream Ale.  I am too high.  I drank several sips before I remembered that I should be reviewing it.  Very nice.  Piney, sweet.  I'm not super familiar with cream ales and what they're all about.  Lots of hop to it and yet there's a sweetness to the flavour somehow.  It's good but not remarkably interesting.  Maybe I'd pick up more things sober but I'm just getting hammered by the hops of it and the piney-ness.  It says it has floral tones on the bottle.  That makes sense.  English pub style ale is smooth and easy-going, according to the bottle.  English pub-style would explain the hoppiness.  Easy-going is accurate.  It won't assault you with a lot of flavours.  And it is smooth.  I like it although it's a little too hoppy for me to love it.

That's it!

Tomorrow Soviet Russia review you!

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 5

Bienvenue, spirits!

I am starving so Imma just dig in.

MAC AND CHEESE

This is No Name brand mac and cheese, the cheapest Kraft Dinner in all of the REAL. CANADIAN. SUPERSTORE.  So real, so Canadian, so super.  It was 59 cents and it looks beautiful, smells beautiful and I forget what the other senses are.  Look, smell, feel, taste, hear.  It sounds squishy when I mix it.  Unfortunately I had to heat this by microwave because I seshed a while and my food got cold because I was waiting to be high to eat it.  Heating it up again with a microwave is yet another sacred rule I am breaking, a cardinal sin to my know-it-all goody-two-shoes wine snob brother who believes in all this wine tasting bull that is based on nothing and has never improved the way things taste in any way ever!  That is SACRED RULE BREAKING #2… wine snobs had better leave right now because they should be expecting many more of these rule breakings.  Just letting you know.

Okay, now to actually taste the thing before it gets cold again.  Hmm…  kind of bland.  Cheesy but not prominently cheesy.  The texture and the temperature are really good; chewy and moist.  It's bland but I'm high enough that I like it and could probably eat the whole box if I was in an eat-the-whole box-binge-watch-30-Rock sort of mood.  I am just mindlessly eating this now and very confused.  Staring straight ahead and shovel, shovel, shovel, not even reading or watching anything.  Haha.  Kind of sweet and bready.  It does also taste artificial.  Can taste the butter as well.  This is definitely a nice attempt at mac and cheese for 59 cents.  I know what to subsist on if I become homeless.  I do have a sinking feeling that a sober tasting would be worse.

Next, I got a Mug Cake cookbook for my birthday so I will be making a mug cake today.  I will be making…

ROOT BEER FLOAT MUG GAKE

I am actually so pumped to make a bunch of mug cakes from this thing, fuck, maybe even one mug cake every day.  They even have mug cheesecake!  This is a recipe from 100 Mug Cakes by Leslie Bilderback.

Having this with whipped cream…  As I stab my fork into it, there is a spongey texture.  Smells eggy and blandly cakey.  Sweet.  Whipped cream and cake work nicely together.  Nothing immediately gross.  It's very tough to get a scoop.  So far, good but kind of bland, like the last food.  It's tolerable but nothing to write home about.  There's an eggy taste as well.  I do not taste the root beer at all haha.  Maybe I should have used the root beer extract.  The texture is firm and cooked but kind of tough.  I basically had to stab it with my spoon several times to get pieces off.  I declare this mug cake meh.  Not a good start to this cookbook, but I'm hopeful for the other recipes.

I think you can guess what I will be sampling next…

ROOT BEER

Boylan Root Beer, American company, I believe.  Yum, really strong flavour.  Sweet and sassy.  I like.  This would probably be good root beer float root beer.  Not much else to say.  It's quite nice.  I wish the mug cake had tasted like this. :(  Yeah the spice is nice and prominent.  This is probably one of the best root beers I've had.  Nom nom nom.  It tastes quite natural as well, not very artificial.  Although for all I know it's as unnatural as Mug Root Beer and I'm just fooled by the fact that it's in a glass bottle.  Who knows?

Later tonight we eat the dingo and your baby.

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 4

Howdy poltergeists!

Listening to: The Weepies

Today I will review some Christmasy delights.  This may be a booze-soaked endeavour, fair warning.  And I am a sloppy drunk.

First!

EGG NOG WITH SCOTCH

Nice, nice, nice.  You can taste both very well.  It's a nice eggnog in which you can definitely taste the spices and you get bite and warmth from the scotch.  My wine-obsessed brother would call it blasphemy to imbibe an entire scotch before reviewing another liquid.  Ha!  He doesn't know what he's missing!  Very tasty is all I can say.  A nice winter buzz drink.  Probably wouldn't want to get drunk on this seeing as it has so much dairy but it's a nice day drinking kind of mixer in my opinion.  It's no Caucasian but at the very least it's an Oriental (racism is hilarious!)

CANDY CANE LANE TEA

Decided to play the Weepies' Christmas song "All that I want" for this so I feel all Christmassy right now!  This tea is great.  Can taste the mint, not too weak and it's nice and sweet and flavourful.  It's a good tea, what can I say?  And it's warming me up really well.  My mouth feels a bit of a cold feeling from this afterward.  Let's try a swish.  Eh, more mint, nothing new.  But it's warm and the mint is prominent and I like it and that's that, alright?  Leave it alone for God's sakes.

Okay bye.

Announcement!  The saddest song of the week is Stars by The Weepies (especially this particular music video for the song): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pV9M7GYOKM

Next week we eat greek fire.

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 3

Greetings ghosts!

Listening to: Death Cab for Cutie, Taylor Swift, The Weepies
Watching: 30 Rock
(Don't worry, this becomes important later.  Nah, just kidding.)

Today is feast day apparently.  I'm staying up late for this but it's worth it because I am having a stoner tea party for one!  Today's spread consists of 6 items; a chocolate crepe snack, strawberry wafers, macarons, super special crackers with swiss, cheddar and smoked cheddar, Johnnie Walker scotch and cinnamon-vanilla tea.  Nom nom nom is all I can say aboot that, eh?

First item I will eat is… hard to pick.  Okay, I think I'll go for the crackers.

CRACKERS WITH CHEESE

These are actually special, super thin crackers that I got from Loblaws (Savoury Crisps by 34 Degrees) with a cute spirally design that essentially stand back and let the filling speak for itself and offer a few little improvements.  I'm using cheddar, swiss and smoked cheddar inside the crackers, very thinly sliced in cracker sandwich format.



Cheddar:

Mmmm, great chewy texture, the cheddar is just so nicely emphasized yet shrouded a bit by the cracker.  I love how thin they are. Super tasty and a cute, pleasant-to-feel-in-your-mouth snack.  Does that mean it has mouth feel?  Fuck if I know.

Smoked cheddar:

Taste the smoke right away.  It seems quite emphasized and perhaps also coloured by the cracker.  Tastes like a roaring fireplace in the dead of winter. The texture of the smoked cheddar works really well with the thin, malleable, chewy cracker.  Bam! is all I can say.

Swiss:

Mmm… So good.  Swiss is so much lighter than the forceful smoked cheddar.  To me, it tastes like stinky feet, but like a delicious stinky feet that you would eat.  Yep, all of these cheeses taste phenomenal with these crackers.  Can't get over how nice the texture of the cracker and cheese feels it my mouth.  These crackers are truly a pleasure to eat.  Sad that that's over, although that does mean I'm onto my fucking 3-course dessert because why not diabetes, right?

MACARONS

Got these from my local grocery store bakery.  I love these so I'm guessing I will enjoy this.  3 flavours, which will be announced as I go.  Also, that is what they were labeled as but the labels could be wrong.

Blueberry:

Ultra amazing great!  Texture hits me right away, super soft and easy to bite into.  Definitely blueberry. Sugary, but that works for this dessert.  Very flavourful as well.

Pistachio:

Yup, definitely pistachio.  They nailed the flavour.  Absolutely delicious.  Nice and creamy and sweet.  My god these things are wonderful.

Either Pumpkin Spice or Creamsicle (both of those were orange):

It's a gamble.  If it's Pumpkin Spice my crush likes me and if it's Creamsicle he doesn't.  PUMPKIN SPICE!  Oh wow, they did a good job.  That is a perfect Halloween treat.  Creamy again, the spices are there but not overpowering.  Really good.

STRAWBERRY WAFERS

Yup, those taste both good and of strawberry.  Great texture; that's half the reason you buy them right there.  Although, they do have a bit of an artificial flavour, definitely overly sweet as well.  They aren't as good as the other treats.

CHOCOLATE CREPE SNACK

Mmm… I warmed it up.  Chocolatey, definitely tastes like crepe (pun not at all intended).  The chocolate tastes very dark and rich.  I personally would prefer more of a milk chocolate but it's good for what it is.  I'm cold and the warmth of it is definitely making me feel cozy.  Not too sweet.  It's good, but not amazing.

SCOTCH

Bottoms up.  The sweet stuff from before definitely makes this taste sweet.  I wonder what kind of pairings I could do with this.  Very interesting flavour.  Tastes way better high than sober for some reason.  I think it tastes too gasoline-ish and bitter sober but high and after some sweets it tastes sweet and pleasant.  It really warms me up inside - very toasty flavour.  Oh, swishing it in my mouth is a recipe for burning of the mouth and bitter, gasoline taste.  Yeah, I think I'll just sip without swishing.  Well, one more swish just to make sure I didn't miss anything noteworthy beyond gasoline taste.  Nah.  Not a big fan of this scotch.  I hope that isn't blasphemy in the scotch circles.  I'm sure they consider me a troglodyte anyway so whatever.

CINNAMON-VANILLA TEA

Can't have a tea party without tea!  It's herbal!  It tastes kind of weird.  I can pick up the cinnamon.  Kind of a strange subtle cinnamon taste.  Can taste the vanilla only slightly.  It's mostly just watery.  Not a huge fan of this.  I steeped it a while so the weak flavour is not my fault.  Yeah, this tea is meh.

So… 2 were amazing, 2 were okay and 2 were bad or meh.  A full gamut of quality.  Honestly I thought I'd love all of it so that's surprising.  Ta-ta for now!

Next week we eat yellow snow and the little known orange snow.  

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 2

Good afternoon, spectres!

Today I am waking and baking because I was actually too high to review last night.  As a stoner, I have a responsibility to drop the ball immediately upon doing any sort of daily regimen, yes, even eating.  So today I am doing two reviews.  Wake and bake and then evening delight.  As an added bonus I am going to go to work high (don't worry, I'm not driving, like a stoner would have a car!  Ha!)  Listening to Ed Sheeran today because that's relevant.

Okay, so our first dish is a dal makhani curry by Gits instant curries served with some succulent basmati rice.  I am dying of hunger.  It was extremely treacherous not actually eating the curry before writing.  Agh.  Okay so I'm going to eat now.

DAL MAKHANI

Yes, yes, delicious.  Nice and hearty, kind of almost has a beefy taste, the lentils in this.  Apart from Paneer Makhani and Chana Masala, this is one of my favourite curry dishes and Gits does a good job.  I think I added a hint too much rice to mine, but that was my mistake, not anyone else's!  Not being accusatory.  Yes, quite nice with the rice.  I had a thought, but I forgot.  Can taste the spiciness as well but it's pretty mild, which is good because I can't take things that are too spicy.  This curry is so creamy, it's just so good with a nice bed of rice.  I keep rhyming nice and rice.  I like that this one has both the lentils and some kidney beans because the beans really give it a nice beefy protein.  It is just a good curry.  Like a nice, proteiny, hearty hug that isn't going to kill you as much as other food that are hugs, you know, comfort food, filling and delicious and comforting somehow.  Make you feel full and fluffy and nice.  That's 90% of what I eat which probably explains my quite visible weight problem.  Aren't I fat?  Ha, you have no idea.

Next up, I guess I have time for an ice cream sandwich!

ICE CREAM SANDWICH

I believe these things are by selection.  Mmmm delicious, sweet, chewy soft texture.  Soo good.  Very tiny things.  Gone before you realized you wanted one.  Nah.  I am forced to savour today.  They make the cookies of these ones very soft and chocolatey.  Did a very good job.  Selection brand can be hit and miss.  It's just a very well done typical ice cream sandwich, nothing fancy.  I like.

Okay bye for now.

Next time we eat corn!  And this time it will be different, Steve!

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 1

Hello bitches who actually read this!  (Aka no one)  I am back at it again!

Last time: http://hermitthefrogblog.blogspot.ca/2014/02/reviewing-foods-while-stoned.html

I am doing stoner food reviews for… reasons I guess.  I don't even know why really, I guess I just feel like stuffing my face for some somewhat, slightly more legitimate reason than hunger.  I may do a week, a few weeks or a month like my last attempt at this.  I'll play it by ear.  So, without further ado, I will now 420 blaze it faggot.

…

(Listen to this while you're "waiting") https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTpWq7rlpIY

…

(Or this) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMK4cfXj5c0

…


Hey it's high me.  I don't know if it's just that warm and fuzzy feeling I'm getting but I trust you guys.  I love you guys, whether you're scrolling through here to find some specific thing that I can't offer you, laughing at the horrible quality, here completely by accident and shortly leaving or someone who really really wants to see every search result about a "hedonistic hermit" because perhaps it's a lifestyle that they want to learn more about.  All the same, you guys are so wonderful and truly the light of my life.  So I'm going to tell you my name.  I am Valerie Heston.  This is my photo:

Ha!  How did you fall for that?  That was a stock photo that I got my picking the fifth result after I googled "woman stock photo."  You need to work on your critical thinking.  Not my name either… or is it?

Anyway, for my first food item, I will be reviewing (yes, I'm high, but I'm not a moron, I can still think and write properly)…

RASPBERRIES!!!  

My all time favourite fruit and one of my favourite foods.  I am starving so I will dig in.  I place the bowl in front of me and it makes the most wonderful knock on the wood.  My body almost sighs with relief.  A bit bitter right now but they are still refreshing and tasty and they have such a lovely texture.  Yeah, for some reason they taste very bitter, okay not very bitter but bitter.  Maybe it has something to do with smoking?  Guess I'll just keep eating.  I think they are getting less bitter.  Still good, all the same.

POUTINE WRAP

Next up, continuing and ending the Canadian theme is poutine, in a wrap.  Yes.  Poutine can be improved upon.  Do you ever think every famous director has a secret cult and they put all kinds of vague symbolism in their movies that teach subtle lessons relating to their cult and these movies are watched over and over again within this cult and movie scenes are quoted like bible passages?  No?  Just me?  This poutine wrap is made with a store-brand tortilla, Cavendish frozen fries, Double Gloucester cheese, cheddar cheese (no cheese curds because fuck you, that's why) and some canned St. Hubert brown gravy.  It's going to be aces and unfortunately you can only eat it vicariously through me. :D 

Oh making it was lots of fun but taking the picture, agony, with the anticipation of waiting to eat it.  Massive munchies right now.  I'll try a fry first.  Fucking good.  Mmmm, potato and just enough salt and crispiness.  One more.  Yeah I got good fries and gravy.  Fries are a bit burnt, but worth it just to eat the good ones.  Wrap time.  Hmmm a bit weird with the Double Gloucester but nice otherwise.  Somehow the gravy is more bitter with the cheese.  Maybe I added too much gravy, it's an exact science getting the proportion right.  Really wonderful texture.  Not too messy either, a bonus.  The wrap really compliments the poutine.  It's white flour so obviously it's an amazing-tasting burrito.  White power, right?  I take back the thing about it not being messy.  And you don't want it messy - it'll look like you were doing scat/bukkake fusion porn.  Maybe I'm making a mess because I'm high.  Yeah, not even too bitter, just too salty.  

What if someone proposed to me by putting a ring inside the cap of a beer bottle?  Fuck yeah.  That's the most romantic thing in the world.  That or proposing with a box of weed that looks like a jewelry box.  Any guy that does that is a keeper.  

I'm getting so tired.  It's almost 4:30 am.  Shouldn't have stayed up this late.  Alas.

BEER

The last item is a Scottish beer made with an ancient recipe apparently.  It's called Grozet and it's a Gooseberry Ale by Williams Brothers Brewing Co.  

Very unique.  Bitter berry flavour so far.  Kind of reminds me of blackberries because they are bitter berries.  Some little hints of sweetness to it.  It's definitely drinkable.  I don't think I've ever tried gooseberries and they don't sound very appetizing, but this beer is not only quite tasty and well-balanced but it also tastes like berries, possibly gooseberries so already it is way better than actual gooseberries by a long shot.  After this I'm going to be absolutely ready for bed.  Can't even really describe the flavour.  Maybe a little earthy?  There's a bit of spiciness to it.  It does help to do that thing that you do with wine, where you swish the sip around your mouth.  It's like your tongue put on a pair of glasses.  I thought maybe I tasted a note of vanilla and banana.  Picking up a lot of things!  Or maybe that's just the gooseberry flavour.  It's good though, I enjoy it.  

Next time we eat porn.

Crushed Heart Room (poem)

Put my heart in the crushed heart room

With all the other pathetic clichéd souls

Who were stupid enough to give away 

Their entire being

Put my tears in the vat of those 

Who say they’d do anything for him

But would rather just cry

Put my mind in the nursery

Of wretched obsessive teenage girls

As Taylor Swift rocks the pink sponges to sleep

But they will never sleep

Spinning constant tapestries of endless

Implausible fantasies 

Starring the one who left them behind

Play the world’s smallest violin 

For the sucker who almost 

Put her foot in her mouth

Thank God I found out before 

I wore my heart on my sleeve

But he just put his hand inside me

And crushed it

Before I could even tell him anything

So does it matter what I did?

And this isn’t poetry

I’m not doing anything really

Just trying to be alive

But why?

Trying to lose weight

For what?

Trying to keep my job

To survive

What’s keeping me here?

I can’t stop thinking that it isn’t true

That you were misquoted

But it’s the end

I can’t feed that poor brain 

Any more love propaganda

Without resistance

Acid reflux

How fucking romantic

He doesn’t think I’m worth being with 

So why should I be worth anything to anyone?

He ruined all the other guys for me

I let him do that

They’re just hot guys

I’d never date them

I just don’t know what to say or do

Can’t bother to rhyme

This isn’t a limerick

Or a Shakespeare play 

Or a Doctor Seuss book

I don’t know where to go

Why do anything?

I have to see him all the time

Hang out with him

He wants to string me along

Like a little balloon that he’ll...

...release to the sky

When he’s bored with it

Float up to the blue endless sky 

Tears blown away by the wind as he 

Walks away as if I was never in his hands

As he grows smaller and smaller

Irrelevant

Food Stamps Challenge Corrections

I apologize.  I was wrong on two things.

1. You can only buy food with food stamps.  Toiletries/household supplies/paper products are all on your own dime according to the SNAP website.

2. Many people have mentioned that it is intended to supplement your income.  I assumed that many people on food stamps probably would if they had a job or some extra income, but most people on the program only had food stamps to buy food.  However, according to some USDA statistics, 75% of SNAP participants use a combination of food stamps and their own money and only 20% of SNAP participants have no income (including government assistance).  So some people rely solely on food stamps to eat, but most have other incomes.  

A quote from the Washington Post article: "[T]he maximum monthly benefits can quickly climb as the size of the household grows. A family of four, for instance, could receive as much as $668 a month for food."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/the-snap-challenge-the-claim-that-food-stamp-recipients-get-by-on-450-a-day/2013/06/19/110f6b14-d925-11e2-a016-92547bf094cc_blog.html

So apparently it is not as bad as I thought.  I will still donate to a food bank, but that is quite a bit of food for thought...

Food Stamps Challenge, Canadian Edition: Day

I'm finally finished! (And I beat Gwyneth!)

Weight: 145 (down 3 pounds)

Meals:
Breakfast: Piece of frozen pizza, 2 pieces of toast (with butter and peanut butter) and a banana
Lunch: 3 little cracker samples (free), granola bar
Snack: Cookie
Dinner: Vegetable soup, toast with peanut butter

I had quite the day.  I was asked to stay and work 3.5 hours of overtime at work when I was originally going to work a 5 hour shift; 8.5 hours altogether.  However, I only packed a granola bar and a cookie in my lunch which would then have to last me 8.5 hours.  I really wanted more hours, so I took it, but I was unsure of how well I would do on that amount of food, deciding that I would have one snack on my first break and the other snack on my next break.  I ended up sort of cheating and going to the free sample stand which amounted to 3 little crackers but I'll take what I can get.  I don't know if it's cheating since it's free and it wasn't very much food.

Later, the store got extremely busy, the supervisor got sick and couldn't continue her shift and it was a stressful shift with the store sorely understaffed.  With all the chaos and the need to focus on being as efficient as possible, I must have had an adrenaline rush because I did not feel hungry at all throughout my shift but I ate because I felt that I needed to.  All in all, it was a weird day and I relaxed with dinner and reading in the bath.

And now for the moment of truth.  What is left over?  Well, obviously you already know because you probably skimmed the text to look at the picture.

My leftovers:

For $35 in one week, I'd say that I did pretty well.  But now, let's think: could this feed another person?  My brothers or my dad, all around 6 feet tall and 2 of them overweight?  My guess is that this food would provide 11 very modest meals and a lot of milk and cookie snacks.  That would last a person 4 days at the most.  So, no, I do not think SNAP is feasible for more than one person and even then it is definitely a tight budget.  Maybe I didn't budget correctly and maybe with some adjustments I could have fed two, but I find it unlikely that it would feed 3 or more people.  I won't rule it out; there are very cheap cuts of meat and packages of produce out there, but, to me, it doesn't seem possible.  I believe that it's possible that I could still survive on this budget for one person if I were also buying toiletries and toilet paper but it wouldn't be easy.

What did I learn from this? 

- Living on a food budget requires very careful planning; no impulse buying or giving in to cravings. 

- I have a better understanding of food budgeting.

- If I want to do overtime at work while under a tight budget like this, I need to pack extra food just in case.  

- From an overweight person's perspective, I am eating too much.  You don't need that much food to feel full.  

- PC Spinach pizza is awful and I will not buy it again.

- It is possible for one person to live on $35/week, $140 a month of food but it requires discipline and planning.  It is extremely difficult for 2 or more people to live on $35/week, $140/month.

- Coffee is addictive and the withdrawal is not fun but it's over in a couple days.

- And, most importantly, SNAP (Food Stamps) desperately needs more funding...

Now that the challenge is over, since it's past midnight and I've had all my meals, I feel like I'm stepping into a fantasy world with so many flavours that includes coffee, beer, wine, Parmesan, sour cream... (and I wonder why I'm still fat)

But I'm being melodramatic.  Thousands, maybe millions of Americans (and Canadians and other nationalities that do not have the SNAP program) do this for a good portion of their lives.  I will be donating to a local food bank in my community now that the challenge is done.  Since I'm on the internet, I'm not sure whether I should say that I donated or not since I am tooting my own horn if I tell people, but I'm just doing this for attention if I did the challenge without people knowing that I donated.  Maybe I'll leave it at this: Don't worry.  I'm terrible.  I realize that donating to a food bank or a charitable organization benefiting the homeless or the poor does not make me any more special or moral than anyone else. 

And with that, I will say thank you for reading (if anyone bothered to)!

Food Stamps Challenge, Canadian Edition: Day 6

Good evening and welcome to the penultimate day of this interesting experiment.

Weight: 146 (down 2 pounds)

Meals:
Breakfast: Banana, 3 scrambled eggs, 2 pieces of toast with butter
Work Snack: Cookie, granola bar
Lunch: None
Dinner: 1/2 can vegetable soup

Today I did not have a big appetite.  The breakfast was extremely filling and when I came home from work I wasn't hungry for a meal like I usually am.  It could have something to do with today being a shorter day because I slept in or maybe my appetite is getting smaller from the challenge.  I must add that, unlike the pizza, the vegetable soup I had today was delicious.

I think I finally got used to the lack of coffee!  I had a good amount of energy and even had an hour-long bike ride and I felt more focused at work.  It's incredible how much of an effect a lack of coffee can have on you when you are used to having coffee every day; it really is a drug.  I miss coffee much more than alcohol.  

I ran out of eggs today but I still have a lot of food left over for my final day.  I still have pasta, cookies, bread, 1 bowl of soup, several pizza slices, some milk, lots of peanut butter, 1 granola bar and 1 hypothetical egg (since I accidentally bought a pack with one broken egg).  I am 100% certain I will not run out of food.  I think it's fair to say, at this point, that the food stamps budget is not horrible for one person, but it does not seem feasible for 2 or more people.  Tomorrow, I'll see if my leftovers post-challenge could feed a second person for a week.

Goodnight and see you tomorrow.

Food Stamps Challenge, Canadian Edition: Day 5

Day 5 it is.  I've been up 17 hours or so, so far (up at 5:30 for work...) and I am absolutely exhausted so I'll try to make this one quick.

Weight: Plateauing at 147

Meals:
Snack: Medium bowl of Mini Wheats
Breakfast:  Pasta with tomato sauce, cookie
Lunch: 1/2 box mac and cheese, 1/2 can tomato soup
Snack: Small bowl of Mini Wheats
Dinner: 3 small pieces of frozen pizza, cookie

 (My frozen pizza; much smaller than the box)

I ate a lot of food today.  I chalk it up to the fact that I was awake longer than usual but there was a lot of snacking...  I think that's because I didn't have any protein today.  Yes, that would make sense.  Those two factors probably made me waste a lot of calories.  I was hungry for all of this, too.  It wasn't just eating because I was bored.  

Today after work, I thought I deserved a reward (I know, right?  A reward for doing what too many people have to do their entire lives), so I went to a wine shop that offers samples and tried their Strawberry Margarita.  It was so sweet and delicious.  I wanted to savor it but I also didn't want to hold up the woman at the shop too long as she awkwardly watched me sip the sample.  Internal dilemmas...

I'm starting to run out of certain foods.  I am now out of Mini Wheats and Kraft Dinner.  I'm still confident that I'll be fed decently the next two days but there might not be a lot left over at the end.

Final comment for today: the PC Spinach frozen pizza was not very good... :(

Food Stamps Challenge, Canadian Edition: Day 4

Good evening!  It is Day 4.  This is one of the few occasions on the internet where taking a picture of your meal is appropriate and not annoying.

Weight: 147 (down 1 pound)

Meals:
Breakfast: 2 scrambled Eggs, piece of toast with butter, banana
Snack: Small bowl of Mini Wheats
Lunch: 1/2 box of mac and cheese, 1/2 can of tomato soup
Dinner: None (not hungry)

Lots of cravings today but I didn't give in to them.  Even when mac and cheese, one of my biggest temptations and my favourite foods, is available to me, I still crave other foods.  I guess I crave variety, lots of choice.  I found myself getting jealous of my brother, who could dress up his pasta with fresh garlic, vegetarian sausage, red pepper, olive oil, Parmesan cheese and other appealing condiments, while I could only have pasta with tomato sauce.

I did feel relatively energetic this morning without coffee, which was good.  Maybe the coffee withdrawal is over.  I'm starting to run out of things; 3 eggs left (one was cracked and I didn't notice until I'd used up a few eggs already), bread is halfway done, cereal is halfway done, 2 bananas and 2 apples left, 1 serving of mac and cheese left, etc.  However, I still have plenty of pasta, plenty of soup and an entire frozen pizza left over, which I'm going to have tomorrow for the Pizza and Movie Night my brother and I do every Friday. 

Still doing fine.  I'm just hoping for more energy before the week is over and really looking forward to coffee (and alcohol) again.

Food Stamps Challenge, Canadian Edition: Day 3

Day 3, almost halfway through!

Weight: Still 148

Meals:
Breakfast: medium bowl of Mini Wheats and banana

Work snack: granola bar and cookie

Lunch: 2 scrambled eggs, medium bowl of pasta with tomato sauce and apple

Dinner:  piece of toast (wasn't very hungry)

Today was okay.  The main thing was the lack of coffee.  I got 9 hours of sleep today but I felt weak and lethargic all day and I think it was maybe coffee or alcohol withdrawal (these are things I have every day, but usually just one serving of each each day).  I also noticed that I've been having a headache every day so far which is not normal for me.  If I had decided Advil and toiletries were part of the challenge and Advil was too expensive, I would be in agony.  It was bad enough doing a shift with a headache that didn't go away, knowing I didn't have any Advil on me and my break wasn't long enough for me to buy some and also be able to sit down for a while.

I had my dad's girlfriend look at the food I bought for the challenge and she said I did quite well except for the cookies and mac and cheese, which I could have substituted for some cheese or some beans so that I have more protein and that I should have bought a larger amount of butter if I were doing the month challenge, since buying in bulk is always going to save you money.

I didn't know this but there is a documentary on this challenge called Food Stamped.  I also found an interesting take on the challenge from Rebecca Vipond Brink, a nutrition writer from The Frisky, who weighed in on Gwyneth Paltrow's food haul:  "Nutritionally speaking, this is a vitamin bonanza. But people who live on SNAP benefits don’t just have to get nutrients, they have to get actual calories, because they tend to have very physical lives, doing service labor and taking care of children and not necessarily being able to afford a car and so forth." 

Wikipedia paraphrases Brink: "It was estimated that Paltrow's food totaled 7,059 calories, or only about 1,000 calories per day. It was also pointed out that instead of the seven limes that she bought, she could have gotten four pounds of pasta for less money, and that such a substitution would have provided her with substantially more calories. Brink also suggested a completely different set of food items for the same amount of money, which would have yielded 2,530 calories per day: five pounds of potatoes, two dozen eggs, five pounds of flash-frozen chicken breasts, a block of cheese, a gallon of whole milk, four pounds of apples, three pounds of oatmeal, a bag of celery, 16 ounces of peanut butter, 15 ounces of raisins, one pound of carrots, and 28 ounces of rice. Brink also pointed out that such a shopping list was only realistic for someone who did not live in a food desert."

Even so, this is 2,530 per day to feed 3 people.  How do you feed everyone in your family, even with Brink's suggestions?  It seems impossible.

On that pleasant note, goodnight and I will be back tomorrow to report on day 4.