Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 1

Hello bitches who actually read this!  (Aka no one)  I am back at it again!

Last time: http://hermitthefrogblog.blogspot.ca/2014/02/reviewing-foods-while-stoned.html

I am doing stoner food reviews for… reasons I guess.  I don't even know why really, I guess I just feel like stuffing my face for some somewhat, slightly more legitimate reason than hunger.  I may do a week, a few weeks or a month like my last attempt at this.  I'll play it by ear.  So, without further ado, I will now 420 blaze it faggot.

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(Listen to this while you're "waiting") https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTpWq7rlpIY

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(Or this) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMK4cfXj5c0

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Hey it's high me.  I don't know if it's just that warm and fuzzy feeling I'm getting but I trust you guys.  I love you guys, whether you're scrolling through here to find some specific thing that I can't offer you, laughing at the horrible quality, here completely by accident and shortly leaving or someone who really really wants to see every search result about a "hedonistic hermit" because perhaps it's a lifestyle that they want to learn more about.  All the same, you guys are so wonderful and truly the light of my life.  So I'm going to tell you my name.  I am Valerie Heston.  This is my photo:

Ha!  How did you fall for that?  That was a stock photo that I got my picking the fifth result after I googled "woman stock photo."  You need to work on your critical thinking.  Not my name either… or is it?

Anyway, for my first food item, I will be reviewing (yes, I'm high, but I'm not a moron, I can still think and write properly)…

RASPBERRIES!!!  

My all time favourite fruit and one of my favourite foods.  I am starving so I will dig in.  I place the bowl in front of me and it makes the most wonderful knock on the wood.  My body almost sighs with relief.  A bit bitter right now but they are still refreshing and tasty and they have such a lovely texture.  Yeah, for some reason they taste very bitter, okay not very bitter but bitter.  Maybe it has something to do with smoking?  Guess I'll just keep eating.  I think they are getting less bitter.  Still good, all the same.

POUTINE WRAP

Next up, continuing and ending the Canadian theme is poutine, in a wrap.  Yes.  Poutine can be improved upon.  Do you ever think every famous director has a secret cult and they put all kinds of vague symbolism in their movies that teach subtle lessons relating to their cult and these movies are watched over and over again within this cult and movie scenes are quoted like bible passages?  No?  Just me?  This poutine wrap is made with a store-brand tortilla, Cavendish frozen fries, Double Gloucester cheese, cheddar cheese (no cheese curds because fuck you, that's why) and some canned St. Hubert brown gravy.  It's going to be aces and unfortunately you can only eat it vicariously through me. :D 

Oh making it was lots of fun but taking the picture, agony, with the anticipation of waiting to eat it.  Massive munchies right now.  I'll try a fry first.  Fucking good.  Mmmm, potato and just enough salt and crispiness.  One more.  Yeah I got good fries and gravy.  Fries are a bit burnt, but worth it just to eat the good ones.  Wrap time.  Hmmm a bit weird with the Double Gloucester but nice otherwise.  Somehow the gravy is more bitter with the cheese.  Maybe I added too much gravy, it's an exact science getting the proportion right.  Really wonderful texture.  Not too messy either, a bonus.  The wrap really compliments the poutine.  It's white flour so obviously it's an amazing-tasting burrito.  White power, right?  I take back the thing about it not being messy.  And you don't want it messy - it'll look like you were doing scat/bukkake fusion porn.  Maybe I'm making a mess because I'm high.  Yeah, not even too bitter, just too salty.  

What if someone proposed to me by putting a ring inside the cap of a beer bottle?  Fuck yeah.  That's the most romantic thing in the world.  That or proposing with a box of weed that looks like a jewelry box.  Any guy that does that is a keeper.  

I'm getting so tired.  It's almost 4:30 am.  Shouldn't have stayed up this late.  Alas.

BEER

The last item is a Scottish beer made with an ancient recipe apparently.  It's called Grozet and it's a Gooseberry Ale by Williams Brothers Brewing Co.  

Very unique.  Bitter berry flavour so far.  Kind of reminds me of blackberries because they are bitter berries.  Some little hints of sweetness to it.  It's definitely drinkable.  I don't think I've ever tried gooseberries and they don't sound very appetizing, but this beer is not only quite tasty and well-balanced but it also tastes like berries, possibly gooseberries so already it is way better than actual gooseberries by a long shot.  After this I'm going to be absolutely ready for bed.  Can't even really describe the flavour.  Maybe a little earthy?  There's a bit of spiciness to it.  It does help to do that thing that you do with wine, where you swish the sip around your mouth.  It's like your tongue put on a pair of glasses.  I thought maybe I tasted a note of vanilla and banana.  Picking up a lot of things!  Or maybe that's just the gooseberry flavour.  It's good though, I enjoy it.  

Next time we eat porn.

St. Patrick's Day Cupcakes (Belated)

This is not a stoner food review, but I did a lot of baking today, so I've decided to blog about it because I worked hard, dammit!  Also because I had 66 posts and the numbers 6 and 66 make me uneasy, so I had to make a 67th post.  Not that I won't post more, because I will.  "And she never posted again…"

If you are wondering why I am posting this the day after St. Patrick's Day, it's because I slept through most of the day because I work nights and missed the date by a couple hours.  But, I had selected the recipes and bought the ingredients already, so I decided "fuck it!" and made the cupcakes anyway.  I have decided that St. Patty's is today and no one can convince me otherwise.  I even listened to the Cranberries and U2 and I am currently sipping a Guinness, so there!

Bailey's Irish Cupcakes:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/baileys-irish-cupcakes/

I found the recipe for these at allrecipes.com and followed the recipe to the letter, except for the fact that I omitted the almond extract, because my experience is that almond extract overpowers the other flavours.  The cook suggested whipped cream or Buttercream frosting but I thought, since they are Baileys cupcakes, I'll top them with Baileys icing.  I found the recipe for the Baileys icing in the Southern Food section of about.com:

http://southernfood.about.com/od/cupcakerecipes/r/chocolate-stout-cupcakes.htm

I'm not sure what is Southern about a recipe that is so clearly Irish.  You'd think it would be nothing but Twinkie cupcakes and Fried Green Tomatoes there.  I guess it's because a lot of Americans have Irish ancestry or something like that.

Taste: They are pretty yummy, but without the icing I can barely taste the Baileys.  The icing is delicious and tastes exactly like Baileys, only in icing form.  They have kind of a weird taste, but they still taste good.  Maybe it's just a unique taste.  The texture is a bit firm and flat for a cupcake, but still moist and cakey enough that I have no complaints.

Chocolate Stout Cupcakes:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/dave-lieberman/chocolate-stout-cupcakes-recipe.html

This one is from Food Network and it was created by Dave Lieberman.  The recipe called for cream cheese icing but, since I wanted to share with my brothers (who don't like cream cheese), I decided to use Baileys icing again, which makes for less work.  In the end, I had just enough icing to ice both sets of cupcakes, so that worked out nicely.

I think the Baileys icing works better than the cream cheese icing would have because in the cook's pre-recipe blurb, he wrote that he wanted the icing to look like the foam that lines the top of a mug of Guinness, but, as you can see in my picture, Guinness foam is not white, but a very light brown, so a Baileys icing works much better for imitating the look of a mug of Guinness.

How does it taste, you ask?  I'll tell you!  The icing is buttery and has that strong taste of Baileys, but mixed with the cake, I can taste a hint of banana.  The cake itself, without icing, tastes chocolatey and rich.  You can also faintly taste the yeast and hops of the Guinness.  The texture is moist and spongey, utterly perfect.

I must say, it feels very weird to write this sober (or mildly sober, considering the fact that I just drank a can of Guinness).  There is more clarity, but also more insecurity.

Happy St. Patty's day, everyone, and even if in your mind you think St. Patrick's day was yesterday (which is ridiculous), you shouldn't feel a lick of shame when you hoist a few (or a lot) tonight in celebration of the absurd thing that is life!  I sure won't!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 31

Listening to: Bob Marley.  Doy.  Also, Kings of Leon and Indie88 (radio station).

Hi everyone.  So, this is the last day.  As I said earlier, I'm going to do a reflection today.  The final dinner at the stoner table is... *drumroll please* ... doughnuts and a Corona! *licks lips and looks lovingly at luscious donuts*

Selection Assorted Mini Donuts (there are three types):

Frosted: Amaazing.  So so sweet and cakey.  I think I'm going to be eating these with a fork because they are messy!  There is almost something lemony in the aftertaste.  It's so sugary, and yet it still isn't too sugary.  The only thing I can think of to say is it's wonderful.  And it's cool as the other side of a pillow.  Oh God is this going to be one of those days where I get even more than what was on my plate afterwards because even though it would be really filling sober, you could eat so much of that thing anyway?

Chocolate:  I keep wanting to eat the cinnamon next because it looks amazing!  Ok, self control...  Save the best for last...  Kind of cakey, actually.  No, the chocolate overpowers that flavour.  These aren't any better high.  I guess they'll always be my least favourite flavour; the chocolate ones.  I bet they would be better if they could use a chocolate powder, instead of a chocolate liquid coating.  All the same, there is something about them that radiates because of my mental state.

Cinnamon: Oh, so excited.  Flavour just gushes into my mouth.  The cinnamon is stronger than I expected, but not too strong.  It has a lot of the beautiful sweetness of the frosted ones.  I can feel my teeth rotting...  The cinnamon, the cake, the sugar... they blend so perfectly.  My sensitive teeth are getting uncomfortable, but I really want one or two more.  Oh my God it's so good.  These are perfect donuts; not too big, not too weird of a taste to them.  They should call them Two-Bite Donuts, because you can eat them in a couple bites.  I want another, but then again I also don't want a heart attack... and heart attack wins out in that scenario.  Sorry, tongue.  Better luck next time I'm eating some carbohydrates!  Those donuts were great.  My stomach echoes me with a satisfying burp.

Corona: Bitter, cool, tastes a bit sweet because I just ate the donuts.  My tongue is tickled by the fizz.  I can also taste the delicious yeast, but it's more subtle.  The hops are strong in this one.  Not too strong.  As beer goes, I like it.  It's making me sway side to side in bliss.  I can taste a hint of apples.  I think this would be a great summer drink, or maybe an autumn drink.  Not the greatest in the winter.  A good whiskey or Bailey's is good, but not cold beer...  Not much to say.  It's beer, it's cool, it gets the job done and makes you so relaxed...

Reflection

What did I learn from this little experiment/series?  Was it fun?  Was it challenging?  

I learned a lot from this.  Well, not a huge, profound realization or something like that, but a few little things.  

1. I am not an experienced food reviewer by any means.  I review lots of movies, books, concerts, movies in my free time, but not food so much.  I don't know if I learned any new terminology or methods but I definitely got some experience reviewing food and learned how to describe food with words other than "great" or "awesome," but it was challenging to think of things to say about the food at times.

2. I got to see old foods in a new light.  Whether it was something that I liked tasting better, something I loved tasting worse, something I always thought was "meh" tasting like a dream come true, I think the high changes the flavour of foods sometimes, for better or for worse (usually better).  I also think spiciness is amplified when you are high.

3. I learned to appreciate food more.  Much of the food I ate for this challenge I ate without TV, a book, someone to talk to, etc.  I was usually just listening to music or it was just me, the food and the keyboard.  It was weird because most of the food that I eat, I will eat it while distracting or entertaining myself in some way.  For this challenge my food had my full attention and it was different, but good.  I was focusing on the flavours and appreciating the meal on it's own.  I think I might try that sober more often.  Eating food and just thinking about the flavour, needing no other entertainment.  Thinking about how lucky I am to have this three times a day or more.  And good quality most of the time.  Then again, I still prefer watching something or reading something while eating.  It's just so much more entertaining, however good the food is.  So maybe I'll just appreciate the food on it's own when I'm high and everything is entertaining.  

4. I learned to do something consistently.  Put out something every day, flexing my writing muscles daily.  That was really good.  It was nice seeing the posts stack up day after day, when usually they'd crawl for months.  Most bloggers post a lot more often than I do, so it was good to try to blog more regularly.  

5. I tried some new foods!

6.  I worked on my photography.  I 'm not a very experienced photographer, but I think this increased my experience.  I found myself playing with light, angles, presentation, background, etc over the course of the month as my photographer dad gave me advice on my photos occasionally.

7. I learned that, for the most part, flavour-wise, weed just makes food taste better.  Or it helps you notice the flavour of food that was already really good.  Thinking about my past responses, most of my reviews involved the phrase "Mmmm..." and the overwhelming majority of the reviews were positive.  However, I usually went for foods that I like or foods I thought I would like.  I think it would be interesting for me to do another series with foods that I both like and dislike and see how weed changes the way I perceive them.  Perhaps another time.  

Despite all the benefits, there is also the fact that most of what I ate was unhealthy and on many cases I ate too much of it in one sitting, due to my low self-control when I have the munchies.  I have been noticing more heartburn this week and I gained about ten pounds during this experiment.  Yeah, yikes.  Tomorrow I'm going to start working hard to go to sleep right after getting high, because, otherwise, TEMPTATION.  Even right now, one of the Cinnamon Donuts is calling to me.  Stop it, you fiend!  So, I'm looking forward to not being so unhealthy, and getting to bed earlier.

Was it fun?  Yes, definitely.  Was it challenging?  Occasionally, when cooking food or taking photos high.  I usually tried to cook them sober, but when they were done high, sometimes I would screw up the timing with my low self-control, like eating some of a dish before I could photograph it.  

Well, thanks for reading and that is the end of the Stoner Food Reviews.  Perhaps I will do another that is only local restaurants that I walk to or one where I cook through a classic cookbook and sample each recipe high.  I'm not sure, but for now, goodbye!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 27

Listening to: Playlist; The Whites Stripes, Blind Guardian, Sweeney Todd soundtrack, Muse, Indie Rock Station

Heylo.  Felt kind of lonely and sad after work today, but now I feel a lot better and, knowing that food and booze (and Breaking Bad) is coming, ecstatic!  So, that's sorted.  I know how to spoil myself.  :P

My Grandma's hot chocolate mix (Probably the best stocking stuffer I have ever received.  Actually second place, after the amazing beer bread mix she gave us...): The cocoa powder is a bit overpowering.  The whipped cream adds sweetness and foaminess.  The marshmallows in it are a bit annoying.  I wonder if Grandma (who is a bit anti-vegetarian) purposefully put it in the mix, knowing that I am vegetarian and it contains gelatin.  I've decided to drink the mix anyway because I need to use it up and gelatin isn't as bad as meat because it is more of byproduct than the actual product and it's harder to abstain from because it's in literally all candy.  The flavour is richer and sweeter at the bottom, where all the marshmallows have crowded together.  I think the marshmallows dominate the flavour too much.  The marshmallows at the bottom actually taste pretty good, but I won't eat the dregs with a spoon.  That's enough senseless pig's skin and bones-eating for today, thanks.  I hope I don't sound too condescending towards meat-eaters.  I don't mean to come across that way, but it's harder to tell what my writing tone is when I'm high.  I respect everyone's diet, even if I disagree with it.

Crispy Minis (Buttered Popcorn flavour): Mmmmm....  I love the flavour and texture of this.  Certain rice cakes have more flavour than others and when you eat those you can really taste the butter flavour.  They occasionally have a tang of sweetness to them.  They're so good I'm eating the little chunks at the bottom of the bowl, and very messily, I might add.

Grand Marnier: Highly complex and interesting flavour.  It's sweet and sends warmth up my nose.  It tastes like candy, cherries, syrup and alcohol.  Unlike rum or vodka or tequila, it's sweetness overpowers the bitterness of alcohol so it tastes delicious and it still has the same alcoholic content as more bitter hard liquors.  Perfect.  Very tasty.

Goodnight, people!  Tomorrow, I'm sure I will have another equally delicious set of dishes to consume for your vicarious pleasure.

Next time: we eat all the parents who have sex loud enough for the kids to hear it.  *shudders*

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 22

Listening to: Muse, MGMT

Okay, let's take some pictures, shall we?

Today I'm watching Mad Men because I can't think of anything else to watch on Netflix.  This is my first time watching it so I don't know if I'll like it.  If I don't, I'll watch Breaking Bad.  

Time to eat... *rubs hands expectantly*  My snack is quite junky and sugary today.

Crispy Crunch: Mmmmmm... chocolately and sweet, with a centre that tastes like Peanut Brittle.  Oh wow, this is good.  It's an explosion of confectionary flavour.  Oh dear, if you have peanut allergies you can't eat this probably.  What a sad thought.  Must have more candy!  I am salivating.  I could eat so many of these...  Mmmmm...  Unfortunately I only have one bar.  But, the next food might be a consolation as it is also sweet and delicious...

Skittles (Darkside): Mmmmm.... Lime.  Reminds me of a Slushie.  I haven't had Skittles in a while.  They're so flavourful, even if the flavour is artificial.  Still tastes good.  :)  Cherry next and orange.  I must have eaten oranges and reds together.  Another green.  Yum.  Grape, but tastes too sugary to be accurate.  Red and green.  Tastes kind of pomegranate-limey.  Blue.  Can't taste what it is.  The legend says forbidden fruit.  Mysterious.  I think I like green the best.  Also, these taste a bit like a solid version of Kool-Aid.  Oh, there are two shades of red; fruit punch and pomegranate.  Purple and blue is a nice combo.  Grapey and fruity and oh so sweet.  Purple and green are also good together.  In short, very yummy candy.  These are really good for a sugar fix.  I hope I can sleep okay today.

Mike's Hard Lemonade: Mmmm.... Still cool.  Tastes so clean, lemony, fizzy.  Along with yesterday's cider, this drink also reminds me of champagne.  The texture of the bottle feels like a lemon.  I think that's what they had in mind.  This has amazing flavour for something with alcohol.  I tried spiking a Brisk Lemonade with vodka (the same liquor used in what I'm drinking right now).  It's making me drift off a bit.  Yeah, I can only taste the vodka ever so slightly.  And yet I'm clearly getting tipsy.  That was good.

Well, goodnight.  Hope everyone has a great day and hopefully some time to chill out, relax and wind down.  Hopefully it will also be a mind-altering time.  Again, this is your host, Hedonistic Hermit, and I will see you tomorrow!

Next time!  We eat nothing.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 21

Listening to: Little Miss Higgins; great up-and-coming Canadian blues fusion artist.  Here are some clips if you want to check her out.  She was recently nominated for a Juno:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx9SatlINoo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEj2hSr_Tqc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGVZJMtphX8&list=PLyuYIheWKuxlSg0i_sqf77YXYTQRkpEaR

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBRo3C0xB3I

Haha my little brother is improvising a song that I requested: "I want it to be about a girl getting tortured!"  It's actually quite good and atonal.  I suppose atonalism really is torture, isn't it?  Oh my God he just worked Hot Cross Buns into it.  God help me.

Homemade Nachos (Tostitos with Cheddar and Mozarella cheese, topped with dollops of salsa cooked into the chips): Smokey, corny, savoury.  The salsa is spicy, flavourful, juicy.  I can taste a slight amount of Jalapeño in this, or maybe guacamole.  Cheesy as well.  They're kind of cold, but still really good.  I'm just gobbling these up, like a turkey.  Very delicious.  Still a bit hungry.  I think I'll pop some popcorn (but I'm not reviewing it because I've already done that).

Somersby Apple Flavoured Cider (Imported from Denmark): Bought myself an alcohol treat today, this and Mike's Hard Lemonade.  :)  I could smell the apple flavour even as I opened the can, which emitted a light spray.  Sweet and fruity-tasting.  It tastes a little bit like champagne and it's just as fizzy.  This is lovely and divine; I should buy it all the time.  Very refreshing and pure.  Alcoholic cider is awesome.

Not sure if I'm still high now, but goodnight, all!  Until tomorrow...

Next time we eat Freedom Fries.  

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 15

Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, The Neighbourhood and Disturbed.  I'm eclectic...

Hello there.  Today is unintentionally pirate-themed as I am going to be eating an apple and drinking some rum.  Actually, I don't know if apples are pirate food, probably quite the opposite because fresh fruit didn't last long for soldiers sailing for months, but, ah, fuck it, it isn't pirate-themed...  I guess it's because I saw Barbarossa eating an apple in Pirates of the Carribean and my mind made this jump to:

Pirate = apple eater

Sorry about that.  I'm not eating that much food, because I just had a large portion of delicious tortellini.  If I feel hungry enough for anything after this, I might have a bit of it.  The little munchies fairy in my mind is telling me to ditch the apple and go for the tortellini.  Eat a little bowl of it!  However, my curious, adventurous mind wants me to tell you what an apple tastes like high.  So, maybe I'll appease both.  And my excesses, wasting-time fairy will love that decision.  Time to eat.

Royal Gala Apple: Initial piney taste.  Now it tastes refreshing and watery.  Yup, definitely tastes like an apple.  Crispy.  Hard to describe, I don't think I can taste it as well.  This is probably the healthiest thing I've eaten so far, and honestly, it's a bit confusing to eat.

Captain Morgan's Dark Rum (just a shot!  I'm not going crazy with the alcohol, since I had a vodka shot earlier): When I tried this sober, I remember it tasting way better than most rums I've had.  More flavourful and tasting of caramel.  Let's try it again now.  I get the kick almost right away, as is the case with most hard liquors.  It warms my throat like an oral fireplace.  I don't think I like it as much now.  It's got that subtle taste of hand sanitizer.  Mmm...  I can taste the caramel, too.  My head is buzzing.  Good god, it smells much better than it tastes, even when I'm only getting a second-long sniff.    I take a longer sip and my whole body loosens a bit; it smells gorgeous, so fragrant.  This smell could be made into a perfume.  Oh God, it's like Cardamom.  Each sniff makes me slightly faint.  Smelly slightly of vanilla.  My eyes are twitching like crazy.  That was one of my better experiences with hard liquor.

Will I do it?  Aw, heck.  Who could turn down something as delicious as this:

Baked Tortellini with Tomato Sauce: So delicious.  Initially tastes like tomato and dough.  Mmmmm...  Sweet and doughy.  Cheesy.  I sure love adjectives.  Warm.  Sometimes it is firm and chewy; I love that texture.  It's also soft sometimes. Mmmmm... the cheese is sweet, or maybe it's the basil that was sprinkled on top.  Or both.  Very hot at times.  I almost burned my tongue, but it's oh so good.  I really don't like the green ones at much.  They taste too vegetably.  I know, I'm such a picky person.  Eating all the green ones first so I get them over with.  The leftovers are less firm and chewy.  I love it when I can taste the basil.  That was lovely.  It was hearty, like a good soup, which is what that bowl is usually used for.

Next time!  We eat century-old pot brownies.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 12/Actor Obsessions

May I just say right now, Steve Buscemi is the hottest actor ever.  He's so dreamy.  Ha, now I sound like someone from the 'fifties.  He's so talented.  I saw him in Fargo and then in Ghost World and I thought, "that is true range."  His eyes, his blue, drooping eyelid eyes are so sad and expressive.

I scoured his wikipedia biography for signs of tragedy in his life, but, other than a violent bar fight, some jail time for protesting and Monsters University, his life seems quaint, pleasant and just a little bit boring.  Sure, I should have probably looked on other websites for a more thorough biography, which I may do later, but maybe he just had a really decent life.  Or... he rarely talks about his personal life or past other than schooling and being a firefighter, so no one knows about his life.  I just know something tragic has happened to him, looking into his pleading, defeated eyes, his eyes that long for a sweet and loyal love.  I know his heart has been broken and his mind torn to pieces at least once.  OR..... his face is permanently made to look like he is pleading and defeated and longing and his eyes are the only facial features telling the story of his emotions, so he is stuck in one emotion.  He probably doesn't always project those tragedy eyes, but it's as if he can just call up vivid memories of his past and use it for accuracy when he acts.  Anyway, that is my next actor phase.

And the great thing about obsessing over Steve Buscemi, as opposed to previous actor obsessions (alright, confession time: Cary Elwes, Rick Moranis, Steve Carell, Michael J. Fox, Jack McBrayer, Rick Mercer, Alan Rickman, Johnny Depp.  The biggest, most obsessive one was Jack McBrayer.  There is something terrifying yet adorable and charming about him that I love.), is that unlike an actor like Jack McBrayer, Steve Buscemi actually consistently does quality movies that I am more likely to want to sit through.  For example, 90% of Buscemi's movies, I plan to see and probably will, while I'll probably watch half of Jack McBrayer's roles because he's doing so much children's television and just shitty B-list movies that don't do well on Rotten Tomatoes.  That's the reason I won't be watching Savannah.  I guess I trust Rotten Tomatoes too much.  They just are accurate so often, I rarely disagree.  Their Brain Candy rating was unfair, I think, but other than that, they're quite accurate.  He's on Conan, too, but I just can't sit through a talk show.  I'd kill myself first.  They're so vapid and superficial and urgh.  I hate them.  I think interviewing celebrities is so much better when you remove the visual and it's about thoughts and ideas instead of new looks, hairdos, useless products to promote, etc.  So I prefer the reputable magazine interviews, radio interviews, etc.  Time to eat the food.

Food In This Spread: Cinnamon Heart Candy, Palmer Caramel Valentine Chocolates, Oatmeal Crisp (Almond) Cereal, shot of Cointreau:

Oh, did I mention that the Cinnamon Hearts were 30 cents and the chocolates (which had filled the bowl earlier) were $1.50.  Love it when candy goes on sale.  

Lets' go...

Cereal: Tastes so nourishing.  I'm just devouring it.  It's just... sweet and delicious and oatmeally and crunchy.

Cinnamon Hearts: Mmmmmm.... Warm, sweet cinnamon.  If anything tastes like Valentine's Day, it is this exact candy.  I just mentally think of the taste of this candy when people say Valentine's Day.  Ooohhh....  I've got heartburn and a burnt tongue, but it's so good.  I'm not sucking them right now, I'm too impatient and I'm just chewing them.  They're better that way anyway; they lose their flavour towards the end if you suck on them.  My mouth is fiery hot.  I think I'm done.  No, 2 more.  God, they taste exquisite.  There's something almost buttery to their cinnamon-sugary flavour.

Chocolate: I swayed a bit at the first mouthful; tiredness or ecstasy?  Mmmmm.... Somewhere in the middle of consuming these, there's some kind of pop in the flavour and it just hits you that this ranks around your top ten chocolate experiences.  My thoughts are really hard to follow right now...  All I know is they are saying "more chocolate!  More chocolate!  I did not get a decent review... or quantity of delicious chocolate."  But there is none left.  My family gobbled them up and so did I.

AL-KEY-HALL: (eg. alcohol) Time to get a bit buzzed.  I'm sipping it because I can get more tipsy that way.  Tastes a little bit fizzy.  Is that possible?  Weird.  No, I'm imaging it.  I just don't know if I like this flavour.  It's not quite a perfect mockery of the taste of an orange and tastes almost like Flintstones vitamins.  Yeah, I think I'll go for a beer next morning/afternoon.  Geez...  At least it has that alcohol taste to drown out the kids' vitamin taste a bit.

Ok, hopefully I can get 6 hours of sleep before work.

Next time! Better call Kenny Loggins because we're going to be eating... the DANGER ZONE.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 4

Happy Hump day/Wednesday.  Once again, it is late in the day for me, because I have poor planning and self-control.  There, I admitted it.

Today I shall be reviewing this:

Havana Club rum: Bitter, rich aftertaste, tastes slightly sweet, warms up my throat as it goes down, it evens buzzes my nose with warmth as it goes down, not that good-tasting (I prefer Sambuca or Cinnamon Schnapps), tastes a bit like frogs as it goes down, I can't imagine trying to get drunk on a bottle of this, I think I'd gag; good thing it's just a small sample.  Glad that's over.  I really don't get why people like the appeal to the taste of hard liquor.  Sure, it's faster than other drinks and therefore more convenient, but I think that sacrifices a lot in terms of taste.  Some hard liquors are tasty, but most are abysmal.  I'm sure many people will call me an idiot, but it's better to be honest about what you like and don't like.  Don't pretend to like something if you don't understand the appeal.

I might have a snack with this.  Let's take a looksie...  

Toast with butter and strawberry jam: I can't comprehend eating with my left for some reason.  I'll try.  Ok.  Better. Sugary, strawberry flavour, it sticks to my lips.  When the butter and strawberry meet, it's like everything in the universe is good.  Not the best bread, which can take away from the flavour.  I love the evening.  That was lovely.  It's best on blueberry bagels, though.

Goodnight, stoners of the world!

Three Generations

Wow I haven't posted in so long.  My last official post was in July of last year...  I'd feel bad, but it's not like I have an enormous following.

Trying out some artsy food photography with my HTC phone camera, since I don't actually have a digital camera.  I call these two pieces "Three Generations" or "Daughter, Mother and Grandma" and they were inspired by my typical midnight snack of raisins and red wine.  I bought some grapes today to complete the family.

New poem

I wrote a new poem at 4 am since I couldn't sleep, although I eventually did.  Lately, due to lack of classes and stuff to do, my sleep schedule has been 3 am to 3 pm.  It's exam time right now and all I have left is a vocal jury.  For this exam I sing five pieces for three "judges," which is like American Idol but the songs are better and the judges know what they are talking about.  So all I've been obligated to do is practice an hour every day, if that.  I hope I can go back to normal or somewhat normal soon...

Here is my poem...


Beer:

Cat call in the distance at three am

Someone far away is hot

And someone far away is horny

Decisions made with beer goggles

As you half-sleep in a bubbly, pleasant haze

There’s more evidence for evolution

Than skeletons and theories

I think as I hear a college girl

Shriek just like a chimpanzee

Below on Spruce Street

Far away noises sound so close

They are inside my tiny flat

Invading

How frightening it would be to venture outside so late

On a saturday night

And soak up the stupidity

Violence at the slightest provocation

Passive-aggressive friendliness

Walk past a bar

Would I make it home alive?

The city lights cast a morning glow 

on the trees and the now-grey sky

It looks as if the sun is rising

But, no, I’m still here in my warm, fluffy bed

Half-asleep, half-awake like most nights

When will I escape this vampire’s schedule?

I long for the early mornings of my youth

Seven am, the darkness lingering

Birds chirping, parents yelling,

Reading on the school bus

Innocence, naïveté, thinking life was so difficult then

But it wasn’t

That was just the beginning

The jock population skyrockets after two am

Because nothing good happens then

Birds, maybe robins, singing at four am

Everything is backwards at this hour

And so much more frightening

Terrified of even leaving my room

Down the dark, empty hallway

Maybe I’m just jealous 

I wish I had some friends to be stupid and drunk with

Some men and boys too

Even just some alcohol

A cold glass of beer

To help me sleep

To taste

So bubbly and bittersweet

Pop with a punch

I must imagine my glass of water as a mug of beer

And hope...