Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 7 - The End

Tonight is the end of the stoner food reviews for a while, probably a great while or indefinitely.  I will end with an intriguing liqueur and one of the best foods in the world: Bombay Grill's Paneer Makhani with rice.

Time to get to "work"…

Listening to: The Who, Metric (early, not late)

CHAMBORD

 

It's a black raspberry liqueur imported from France and it comes in one size at $40 a bottle; expensive but a great mixer.  

Raspberry is obviously the first flavour.  A bit artificial tasting, but that's liqueurs for you.  Mmm…  I always find it too sweet on its own but otherwise it's a very nice raspberry liqueur.  Tastes like candy, classy candy.  That was good.  Now... I can hardly wait.  La piece de resistance.

PANEER MAKHANI

It looks so beautiful with the curved, spiced grains of rice smiling at me.   “Eat me, eat me!” they say.  And I weep, “yes, dreamlings, I will eat you.  I will eat you until the end of time.”  Nice big triangular chunks of paneer.  So excited.  Mmmm... cheesy and spicy and the the soft paneer and rice.  The rice brushes my mouth like a light breeze.  And it has this nice tomato flavour as well.  If this was my food for the rest of my life I wouldn’t be that pissed.  They just do both the rice and curry so nicely.  My one complaint is that the paneer isn’t very flavourful in the middle but the sauce does a good job at distracting from that.  I mostly taste creaminess and tomato to the sauce and a little spiciness.  The rice perhaps has a bit of coriander and possibly cumin seeds.  I don’t know about the rest of the flavours and spices, but they work together like perfection.  Nice and buttery as well.  As I said, one of the best foods in the world.  

I am done.

But the moment I am back we will eat chocolate jesus.

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 6

Bonjour bollygoggles!

Before I become intoxicated, I would like to say that tomorrow will be the last day of these reviews because a week just seems like a good amount of time to do this seeing as I just wanted to revisit it for fun.  To end off the week, I will get take-out from a magical indian restaurant called Bombay Grill because their Paneer Makhani is one of the greatest dishes I have ever tasted.

Now, time to take care of business...

Listening to: Kid Cudi and other emerald-aimed music.
Watching: 30Rock

Yep, now I'm high.  So, I found the perfect thing to review high.  Fucking...

VANILLA CUPCAKE-FLAVOURED GOLDFISH



So I am starving.  It sucks to wait to eat food, which is one reason I'll be glad this is over tomorrow.  Really looking forward to that curry.  Nom nom nom.  Okay, let's try this.  Savoury and sweet, reminds me of those teddy graham cookies.  Ok, that isn't that weird.  They're basically cookies.  I should have known that seeing as it was in the cookie section, but you kind of assume it's going to be like the crackers and then if it's vanilla cupcake-flavoured then that's a weird food, but it tastes bready and sweet, like a cookie and it has a cookie texture.  Why is eye contact so frightening?  I don't know.  Maybe it's because you are clearly being watched intently.  It tastes artificial but not enough that it's bothersome.  Agh, got really freaked out just remembering this video --  Film Theory quite convincingly alleged that Wall-E has cannibalism.  Shudder.  Now let me continue this nice food review.  This does not taste like vanilla cupcake but instead vanilla teddy grahams.  So tired, so high… It's good.  They'd make a nice sugary work snack.  I'll definitely finish the bag.  Not tonight.  We've got bigger and better things…



SWISS, POTATO CHIP AND SOURDOUGH SANDWICH



This is turning out to be high food combo night, even thought the first one kind of tricked me.  Don't you think Goldfish is tricking stoners?  Thinking they'll be crackers when they're cookies...  Geez.  But you're right, I could have probably thought of some even weirder stoner food combos.

This is a sandwich I just regularly like to make, usually with a white or sourdough baguette.  Almost forgot to think about what I'm tasting haha.  Sour, potato chip taste.  There's a sharpness to the flavour of the bread.  I think I'm not used to savouring sandwiches such as these which is a shame.  I think I eat too fast.  The bread has a good texture, nice and fresh-tasting.  When you really taste all three it's a nice flavour.  I prefer the white bread version however this is also good in its own unique way.  The swiss is the least prominent flavour but you can subtly taste it and it complements the chips and bread.  I also love the texture of chips in a sandwich, crunchy and thin.  Very nice, a lovely lunch that one might consume at some normal place like a bath house or inside a piano or maybe at a microscopic, nah, why can't I think of one that isn't scary?  A lovely lunch to consume at a microscopic level inside a water bottle on a sunny summer morning in Santa Fe.  Ye.  I declare this sandwich quite nice.

BEER

I've chosen Muskoka Cream Ale.  I am too high.  I drank several sips before I remembered that I should be reviewing it.  Very nice.  Piney, sweet.  I'm not super familiar with cream ales and what they're all about.  Lots of hop to it and yet there's a sweetness to the flavour somehow.  It's good but not remarkably interesting.  Maybe I'd pick up more things sober but I'm just getting hammered by the hops of it and the piney-ness.  It says it has floral tones on the bottle.  That makes sense.  English pub style ale is smooth and easy-going, according to the bottle.  English pub-style would explain the hoppiness.  Easy-going is accurate.  It won't assault you with a lot of flavours.  And it is smooth.  I like it although it's a little too hoppy for me to love it.

That's it!

Tomorrow Soviet Russia review you!

Stoner Food Reviews (Rebaked!), Day 4

Howdy poltergeists!

Listening to: The Weepies

Today I will review some Christmasy delights.  This may be a booze-soaked endeavour, fair warning.  And I am a sloppy drunk.

First!

EGG NOG WITH SCOTCH

Nice, nice, nice.  You can taste both very well.  It's a nice eggnog in which you can definitely taste the spices and you get bite and warmth from the scotch.  My wine-obsessed brother would call it blasphemy to imbibe an entire scotch before reviewing another liquid.  Ha!  He doesn't know what he's missing!  Very tasty is all I can say.  A nice winter buzz drink.  Probably wouldn't want to get drunk on this seeing as it has so much dairy but it's a nice day drinking kind of mixer in my opinion.  It's no Caucasian but at the very least it's an Oriental (racism is hilarious!)

CANDY CANE LANE TEA

Decided to play the Weepies' Christmas song "All that I want" for this so I feel all Christmassy right now!  This tea is great.  Can taste the mint, not too weak and it's nice and sweet and flavourful.  It's a good tea, what can I say?  And it's warming me up really well.  My mouth feels a bit of a cold feeling from this afterward.  Let's try a swish.  Eh, more mint, nothing new.  But it's warm and the mint is prominent and I like it and that's that, alright?  Leave it alone for God's sakes.

Okay bye.

Announcement!  The saddest song of the week is Stars by The Weepies (especially this particular music video for the song): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pV9M7GYOKM

Next week we eat greek fire.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 31

Listening to: Bob Marley.  Doy.  Also, Kings of Leon and Indie88 (radio station).

Hi everyone.  So, this is the last day.  As I said earlier, I'm going to do a reflection today.  The final dinner at the stoner table is... *drumroll please* ... doughnuts and a Corona! *licks lips and looks lovingly at luscious donuts*

Selection Assorted Mini Donuts (there are three types):

Frosted: Amaazing.  So so sweet and cakey.  I think I'm going to be eating these with a fork because they are messy!  There is almost something lemony in the aftertaste.  It's so sugary, and yet it still isn't too sugary.  The only thing I can think of to say is it's wonderful.  And it's cool as the other side of a pillow.  Oh God is this going to be one of those days where I get even more than what was on my plate afterwards because even though it would be really filling sober, you could eat so much of that thing anyway?

Chocolate:  I keep wanting to eat the cinnamon next because it looks amazing!  Ok, self control...  Save the best for last...  Kind of cakey, actually.  No, the chocolate overpowers that flavour.  These aren't any better high.  I guess they'll always be my least favourite flavour; the chocolate ones.  I bet they would be better if they could use a chocolate powder, instead of a chocolate liquid coating.  All the same, there is something about them that radiates because of my mental state.

Cinnamon: Oh, so excited.  Flavour just gushes into my mouth.  The cinnamon is stronger than I expected, but not too strong.  It has a lot of the beautiful sweetness of the frosted ones.  I can feel my teeth rotting...  The cinnamon, the cake, the sugar... they blend so perfectly.  My sensitive teeth are getting uncomfortable, but I really want one or two more.  Oh my God it's so good.  These are perfect donuts; not too big, not too weird of a taste to them.  They should call them Two-Bite Donuts, because you can eat them in a couple bites.  I want another, but then again I also don't want a heart attack... and heart attack wins out in that scenario.  Sorry, tongue.  Better luck next time I'm eating some carbohydrates!  Those donuts were great.  My stomach echoes me with a satisfying burp.

Corona: Bitter, cool, tastes a bit sweet because I just ate the donuts.  My tongue is tickled by the fizz.  I can also taste the delicious yeast, but it's more subtle.  The hops are strong in this one.  Not too strong.  As beer goes, I like it.  It's making me sway side to side in bliss.  I can taste a hint of apples.  I think this would be a great summer drink, or maybe an autumn drink.  Not the greatest in the winter.  A good whiskey or Bailey's is good, but not cold beer...  Not much to say.  It's beer, it's cool, it gets the job done and makes you so relaxed...

Reflection

What did I learn from this little experiment/series?  Was it fun?  Was it challenging?  

I learned a lot from this.  Well, not a huge, profound realization or something like that, but a few little things.  

1. I am not an experienced food reviewer by any means.  I review lots of movies, books, concerts, movies in my free time, but not food so much.  I don't know if I learned any new terminology or methods but I definitely got some experience reviewing food and learned how to describe food with words other than "great" or "awesome," but it was challenging to think of things to say about the food at times.

2. I got to see old foods in a new light.  Whether it was something that I liked tasting better, something I loved tasting worse, something I always thought was "meh" tasting like a dream come true, I think the high changes the flavour of foods sometimes, for better or for worse (usually better).  I also think spiciness is amplified when you are high.

3. I learned to appreciate food more.  Much of the food I ate for this challenge I ate without TV, a book, someone to talk to, etc.  I was usually just listening to music or it was just me, the food and the keyboard.  It was weird because most of the food that I eat, I will eat it while distracting or entertaining myself in some way.  For this challenge my food had my full attention and it was different, but good.  I was focusing on the flavours and appreciating the meal on it's own.  I think I might try that sober more often.  Eating food and just thinking about the flavour, needing no other entertainment.  Thinking about how lucky I am to have this three times a day or more.  And good quality most of the time.  Then again, I still prefer watching something or reading something while eating.  It's just so much more entertaining, however good the food is.  So maybe I'll just appreciate the food on it's own when I'm high and everything is entertaining.  

4. I learned to do something consistently.  Put out something every day, flexing my writing muscles daily.  That was really good.  It was nice seeing the posts stack up day after day, when usually they'd crawl for months.  Most bloggers post a lot more often than I do, so it was good to try to blog more regularly.  

5. I tried some new foods!

6.  I worked on my photography.  I 'm not a very experienced photographer, but I think this increased my experience.  I found myself playing with light, angles, presentation, background, etc over the course of the month as my photographer dad gave me advice on my photos occasionally.

7. I learned that, for the most part, flavour-wise, weed just makes food taste better.  Or it helps you notice the flavour of food that was already really good.  Thinking about my past responses, most of my reviews involved the phrase "Mmmm..." and the overwhelming majority of the reviews were positive.  However, I usually went for foods that I like or foods I thought I would like.  I think it would be interesting for me to do another series with foods that I both like and dislike and see how weed changes the way I perceive them.  Perhaps another time.  

Despite all the benefits, there is also the fact that most of what I ate was unhealthy and on many cases I ate too much of it in one sitting, due to my low self-control when I have the munchies.  I have been noticing more heartburn this week and I gained about ten pounds during this experiment.  Yeah, yikes.  Tomorrow I'm going to start working hard to go to sleep right after getting high, because, otherwise, TEMPTATION.  Even right now, one of the Cinnamon Donuts is calling to me.  Stop it, you fiend!  So, I'm looking forward to not being so unhealthy, and getting to bed earlier.

Was it fun?  Yes, definitely.  Was it challenging?  Occasionally, when cooking food or taking photos high.  I usually tried to cook them sober, but when they were done high, sometimes I would screw up the timing with my low self-control, like eating some of a dish before I could photograph it.  

Well, thanks for reading and that is the end of the Stoner Food Reviews.  Perhaps I will do another that is only local restaurants that I walk to or one where I cook through a classic cookbook and sample each recipe high.  I'm not sure, but for now, goodbye!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 28

Listening to: Indie Rock Station and Hard Rock/Classic Rock Station

Hi gals and guys!  I'm back... from my sobriety!  It was so warm today!  I hope spring is coming!  There's still snow, but I have hope.  At least some warmer days?

Homemade Classic White Bread (from a Betty Crocker cookbook): Yummy and yeasty, very chewy, the crust has a nice crunchiness, also a little bit sweet; just enough.  Not too much.  The golden crust has a sharp, strong flavour.  Mmmm... this is damn good.  :D  This bread is the perfect texture; chewy, malleable...  I could eat so much of this bread.  I think I'll have some more...  Man, my reviews are ALWAYS so glowing.  This is nothing like store bread.  You couldn't buy this in a store.  It's very hard to stop eating these, but I must stop eating them now.

Chocolate Chip Cookie from Country Style (won it from a coffee cup there): Wow, the chocolate is so strong.  Can't tell whether it's homemade or one of those freeze-dried things.  Getting full now.  Mmmm...  The non-chocolate flavour is tasty too!  I highly recommend trying this high.  Man, when I ate these sober a while ago they were unremarkable, but they are amazing high.  My tongue wants more delicious flavours, but my stomach wants me to stop.  I'll go with my stomach... but not my liver.  ;)

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 20

Listening to: MGMT

Hello there!  It is I, the great stoned food guru.  Today I bring you some delicious treats that I shall eat in front of you.  

Pecans: Buttery and rich, but they still taste nuttier and healthier than most other things that I would describe as "buttery and rich."  They have such an odd, bumpy texture, almost like they are dead grasshoppers or something.

Pecans and Peanut Butter Chocolate Hearts: Alright, I'll admit it.  I came up with this idea high.  Mmmm... Can't taste the peanut as much as the chocolate, and I'm doing half a chocolate with each pecan.  Weird.  I'll try again.  No, I think the chocolate flavour is stronger than the pecans.  I'll try two pecans with half a chocolate.  Wow, still a bit more powerful.  Okay, for a second I could taste them together and it tasted yummy.  Hard to describe the taste when they are together; kind of like a familiar dessert, maybe chocolate almonds or peanut brittle.  No, I can't place the exact taste, but it's a nice combo.  

Betty Crocker Herb and Garlic Mashed Potatoes: This is herby and rich, so hearty as well.  Really interesting flavours.  There's a bit of a punch to the flavour.  It's so smooth in texture, just slowly sliding down my throat.  That was delicious.  Licking the spoon.  Glad I have a second pack of potato flakes in the box for another time.  :)  

That was a lovely noon-hour snack.  Have a great afternoon, day walkers and I will see you again, tomorrow morning or afternoon, hopefully with some homemade sour bread and some yogurt dotted with chocolate.  

Next time!  We eat a pus-  A pu-  ...a cat.  Yes, a cat.  There is no synonym for that word other than feline, so that is what I shall be eating.  A cat and/or feline.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 19

Listening to: Die Mannequin, Radiohead, Silversun Pickups, Gorillaz, Infected Mushroom

Hello fellow ants in this big mean universe.  I am your host, Hedonistic von Hermit, here to bring you my feelings towards foods while I am high.  I have quite a morning feast here; tomato-rice soup, pumpernickel rye bread and Strawberry Shortcake yogurt.  Everything looks lovely.  

Oh, interesting tidbit.  Today was one of my first days going into work hungover (on three hours of sleep) and, wow, it sucks.  The only thing I like about it is that it's almost like a drunkness, where annoying people and long stretches of time don't bother you as much and any pain (feet, stomach, head) is numbed a little bit.  I usually have one drink with my 420 and then go to bed, but last morning I had, at least 4 drinks, mostly vodka and, wow, last night was not at all amusing, so I really don't feel like any alcohol tonight.   

Campbell's Tomato Rice Soup: Sweet, I can definitely taste the rice.  It's still fairly warm, but it would have been nice hotter.  I'm too lazy to re-microwave it.  A bit artificial-tasting.  I hate that taste; I get that for Selection Kraft Dinner, as well.  Paranoid that this is going to spill on me.  Large green leaves in here; I wonder whether they are basil, cilantro, spinach?  I could probably read the ingredients list on the can which is sitting in my recycle bin, but, again, LAZY.  And, ew, I'm not going to shuffle through the recycles right before bed.  It's staying warm, thankfully.  Annnnddd... it's cold.  Pretty darned good soup, all in all.  

Pumpernickel Rye:

This is lovely bread, I must say.  Mmmm...  It's almost like gingerbread.  A bit bitter.  Also a bit stale, but I never end up shopping in the late morning or afternoon when the bread is fresh.  It's sad.  Very doughy and chewy.  Lovely flavour.  I don't understand what people hate about Pumpernickel.  It's a beautiful bread.  It feels like a nice comforter on the roof of my mouth.  Nom nom nom.  This tastes a bit like sourdough.  Oooh!  I should MAKE that and review it soon!  Mmmmm... Sourdough.  Focus, back to the pumpernickel.  Nom nom nom.  I love bread.

Now for dessert...

Strawberry Shortcake Yogurt (by Astro, I believe): It looks so nice it its classy ramekin.  Usually I just put it in a glass bowl, but I'm trying to make my photos look kind of pretty these days.  Mmmmm....  Well, this is melting in my mouth.  Okay, not literally, but, you know what I mean.  This is almost like candy.  Cotton candy or something.  It's delicious.  This would be so good with some little chocolates, like Smarties, chocolate chips, Rolos, etc.  Nom nom.  I'd better try that next time as well.  

Next time! We eat Meat Loaf!  The food, not the artist!  Wouldn't want to be cliched or predictable.  

Next next time!  Sourdough bread (from scratch) and this yogurt with some kind of chocolate in it.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 18

Listening to: Jefferson Airplane, Queens of the Stone Age

Stouffer's Bistro Crustini, Italian Five Cheese: Yummy and hearty.  Kind of stiff, but definitely warm.  Tastes a little bit burnt.  The cheese is full of herbs and flavour.  Tastes like pizza, or pasta.  It's disappearing before my eyes.  The bread/battery is herby as well.  Very tasty, like a savoury pastry.

Cashews: Sweet and nutty.  I love the shape.  Hits my teeth in an odd but soothing way.  It also has kind of a clean, innocent taste to it.  Sorry I can't think of more to say.  It's just hard to describe the taste.  They are delicious, though.

Next time!  We eat a Monet.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 17

Listening to: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beck, Enya, Muse, Lorde

Hello.  Finally getting to bed at a reasonable hour; 10 am.  To day folks: 10 pm.  Going to have a lovely meal now.

Chow Mein Yaki Soba ramen: Messy and addictive sober.... what will happen high???  Mmmm... gingery.  Still a bit warm.  I have no book or show or movie today.  Just eating, it's that good.  Ok, music, but I always have music.  So lovely.  This ramen is amazing.  It's the kind of ramen that you want to eat three of in one sitting.  Never done that, but it is on my life's to do list, I think...  I'm eating this too fast because it's too delicious.  I think these noodles have nicotine in them.  Mmmm... So good. The noodles are cold now, but I don't care.  They taste just as good.  Clinging to these last few bites...  That was delish.

Palmer Valentines Peanut Butter Chocolate Hearts: Earlier, I reviewed their caramel counterparts, so, obviously the Peanut Butter ones must be reviewed as well!  Mmmmm.... this is like true love's first kiss in my mouth.  Tastes a lot like a Reeses; chocolate, salt, peanut butter.  I am definitely salivating. Amazing.  They're so rich and delicious.  Mmmmmmm.......

That's all for today, folks!  Stay tuned for the next episode, okey dokey?

Next time!  We eat snow, so it will go away and never come back, fading into obscurity, wallowing in pitiful misery as springs reigns!  Then I can finally go biking again!  Mwahahahaha!  I really miss it.  So much.  I just can't do this much longer, I need spring so bad.  Please come, spring!  Spring?  Please?  Please!?!?!??!?!?!?

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 16

Listening to: Tool, Rush

It's snack time!  The thing I'm going to eat today is one of my favourite breakfasts and snacks.  It's just the perfect combo of flavours.

Blueberry Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam, toasted: The first bite tells you everything you need to know.  So sweet and fruity.  Mmmmm... I can taste the butter, too, influencing the flavour of everything...  Strrraawwwwberrrry...  This like eating a beavertail, so rich and sweet and wonderful and BIG.  For some reason this seems bigger than other food.

Next time we eat a Mockingjay.  :(

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 15

Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, The Neighbourhood and Disturbed.  I'm eclectic...

Hello there.  Today is unintentionally pirate-themed as I am going to be eating an apple and drinking some rum.  Actually, I don't know if apples are pirate food, probably quite the opposite because fresh fruit didn't last long for soldiers sailing for months, but, ah, fuck it, it isn't pirate-themed...  I guess it's because I saw Barbarossa eating an apple in Pirates of the Carribean and my mind made this jump to:

Pirate = apple eater

Sorry about that.  I'm not eating that much food, because I just had a large portion of delicious tortellini.  If I feel hungry enough for anything after this, I might have a bit of it.  The little munchies fairy in my mind is telling me to ditch the apple and go for the tortellini.  Eat a little bowl of it!  However, my curious, adventurous mind wants me to tell you what an apple tastes like high.  So, maybe I'll appease both.  And my excesses, wasting-time fairy will love that decision.  Time to eat.

Royal Gala Apple: Initial piney taste.  Now it tastes refreshing and watery.  Yup, definitely tastes like an apple.  Crispy.  Hard to describe, I don't think I can taste it as well.  This is probably the healthiest thing I've eaten so far, and honestly, it's a bit confusing to eat.

Captain Morgan's Dark Rum (just a shot!  I'm not going crazy with the alcohol, since I had a vodka shot earlier): When I tried this sober, I remember it tasting way better than most rums I've had.  More flavourful and tasting of caramel.  Let's try it again now.  I get the kick almost right away, as is the case with most hard liquors.  It warms my throat like an oral fireplace.  I don't think I like it as much now.  It's got that subtle taste of hand sanitizer.  Mmm...  I can taste the caramel, too.  My head is buzzing.  Good god, it smells much better than it tastes, even when I'm only getting a second-long sniff.    I take a longer sip and my whole body loosens a bit; it smells gorgeous, so fragrant.  This smell could be made into a perfume.  Oh God, it's like Cardamom.  Each sniff makes me slightly faint.  Smelly slightly of vanilla.  My eyes are twitching like crazy.  That was one of my better experiences with hard liquor.

Will I do it?  Aw, heck.  Who could turn down something as delicious as this:

Baked Tortellini with Tomato Sauce: So delicious.  Initially tastes like tomato and dough.  Mmmmm...  Sweet and doughy.  Cheesy.  I sure love adjectives.  Warm.  Sometimes it is firm and chewy; I love that texture.  It's also soft sometimes. Mmmmm... the cheese is sweet, or maybe it's the basil that was sprinkled on top.  Or both.  Very hot at times.  I almost burned my tongue, but it's oh so good.  I really don't like the green ones at much.  They taste too vegetably.  I know, I'm such a picky person.  Eating all the green ones first so I get them over with.  The leftovers are less firm and chewy.  I love it when I can taste the basil.  That was lovely.  It was hearty, like a good soup, which is what that bowl is usually used for.

Next time!  We eat century-old pot brownies.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 14

Hola, amigos!  Che pasa?  Listening to lots of Spanish music today, or quasi-Spanish music.  Check out my list of green, 420-friendly music on...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qTyKS-5MQY&list=PLxAuGKM6Qs9kjSMnLahsUYg4x4Js1J75n

Always adding music to that list.  

Pretzels: Mmmm....  Crunchy, savoury and, of course, salty but not overly salty.  Gets too salty in the last few bites.  

Celestial Seasonings Sugar Plum Spice Holiday Tea: I got this for sale at the grocery store I work at, from the lingering seasonal clearance items.  Looking forward to sleeping.  Nice and flavourful.  I can sense so many nice herbs when I taste and smell.  Spicy, like cardamom and cinnamon.  Somewhat fruity as well.  It gets sweeter as I go deeper.  Done.

Next time we eat a Pikachu.  :(  Just kidding, that's mean.  Next time we eat a Men's Rights Activist.  Whew, now I feel better.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 13

Listening to: Rufus Wainwright.

You know, as I read my last few posts I don't think I sound that out of it and weird.  I actually write quite articulately when I'm high, even if I remembered feeling like I was on another planet; completely incapacitated.

Today's slop is...

Lasagna!  Yeah, I know, it looks pretty sloppy, but high people are lazy so that's what you get, looking for amazing photography on a stoner blog...  You people are nuts.

That is what is left of the casserole, after it was ruthlessly devoured by my dad and his maniacal girlfriend and my two fucking shit-for-brains brothers.  I didn't mean that.  Sorry.

 Lasagna: Warm and hearty.  Chewy.  It oozes with cheese.  Nice flavour.  Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay, pretty good.  Difficult to eat.  It was good but not the best lasagna I've had.  

Next time!  We eat an Arcade Fire.  

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 12/Actor Obsessions

May I just say right now, Steve Buscemi is the hottest actor ever.  He's so dreamy.  Ha, now I sound like someone from the 'fifties.  He's so talented.  I saw him in Fargo and then in Ghost World and I thought, "that is true range."  His eyes, his blue, drooping eyelid eyes are so sad and expressive.

I scoured his wikipedia biography for signs of tragedy in his life, but, other than a violent bar fight, some jail time for protesting and Monsters University, his life seems quaint, pleasant and just a little bit boring.  Sure, I should have probably looked on other websites for a more thorough biography, which I may do later, but maybe he just had a really decent life.  Or... he rarely talks about his personal life or past other than schooling and being a firefighter, so no one knows about his life.  I just know something tragic has happened to him, looking into his pleading, defeated eyes, his eyes that long for a sweet and loyal love.  I know his heart has been broken and his mind torn to pieces at least once.  OR..... his face is permanently made to look like he is pleading and defeated and longing and his eyes are the only facial features telling the story of his emotions, so he is stuck in one emotion.  He probably doesn't always project those tragedy eyes, but it's as if he can just call up vivid memories of his past and use it for accuracy when he acts.  Anyway, that is my next actor phase.

And the great thing about obsessing over Steve Buscemi, as opposed to previous actor obsessions (alright, confession time: Cary Elwes, Rick Moranis, Steve Carell, Michael J. Fox, Jack McBrayer, Rick Mercer, Alan Rickman, Johnny Depp.  The biggest, most obsessive one was Jack McBrayer.  There is something terrifying yet adorable and charming about him that I love.), is that unlike an actor like Jack McBrayer, Steve Buscemi actually consistently does quality movies that I am more likely to want to sit through.  For example, 90% of Buscemi's movies, I plan to see and probably will, while I'll probably watch half of Jack McBrayer's roles because he's doing so much children's television and just shitty B-list movies that don't do well on Rotten Tomatoes.  That's the reason I won't be watching Savannah.  I guess I trust Rotten Tomatoes too much.  They just are accurate so often, I rarely disagree.  Their Brain Candy rating was unfair, I think, but other than that, they're quite accurate.  He's on Conan, too, but I just can't sit through a talk show.  I'd kill myself first.  They're so vapid and superficial and urgh.  I hate them.  I think interviewing celebrities is so much better when you remove the visual and it's about thoughts and ideas instead of new looks, hairdos, useless products to promote, etc.  So I prefer the reputable magazine interviews, radio interviews, etc.  Time to eat the food.

Food In This Spread: Cinnamon Heart Candy, Palmer Caramel Valentine Chocolates, Oatmeal Crisp (Almond) Cereal, shot of Cointreau:

Oh, did I mention that the Cinnamon Hearts were 30 cents and the chocolates (which had filled the bowl earlier) were $1.50.  Love it when candy goes on sale.  

Lets' go...

Cereal: Tastes so nourishing.  I'm just devouring it.  It's just... sweet and delicious and oatmeally and crunchy.

Cinnamon Hearts: Mmmmmm.... Warm, sweet cinnamon.  If anything tastes like Valentine's Day, it is this exact candy.  I just mentally think of the taste of this candy when people say Valentine's Day.  Ooohhh....  I've got heartburn and a burnt tongue, but it's so good.  I'm not sucking them right now, I'm too impatient and I'm just chewing them.  They're better that way anyway; they lose their flavour towards the end if you suck on them.  My mouth is fiery hot.  I think I'm done.  No, 2 more.  God, they taste exquisite.  There's something almost buttery to their cinnamon-sugary flavour.

Chocolate: I swayed a bit at the first mouthful; tiredness or ecstasy?  Mmmmm.... Somewhere in the middle of consuming these, there's some kind of pop in the flavour and it just hits you that this ranks around your top ten chocolate experiences.  My thoughts are really hard to follow right now...  All I know is they are saying "more chocolate!  More chocolate!  I did not get a decent review... or quantity of delicious chocolate."  But there is none left.  My family gobbled them up and so did I.

AL-KEY-HALL: (eg. alcohol) Time to get a bit buzzed.  I'm sipping it because I can get more tipsy that way.  Tastes a little bit fizzy.  Is that possible?  Weird.  No, I'm imaging it.  I just don't know if I like this flavour.  It's not quite a perfect mockery of the taste of an orange and tastes almost like Flintstones vitamins.  Yeah, I think I'll go for a beer next morning/afternoon.  Geez...  At least it has that alcohol taste to drown out the kids' vitamin taste a bit.

Ok, hopefully I can get 6 hours of sleep before work.

Next time! Better call Kenny Loggins because we're going to be eating... the DANGER ZONE.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 11

Hello again, my fellow what-cha-ma-call its.  I am crazy high.  Just so...... high.  In the middle of a movie called Ghost World.  Pretty funny so far.  Okay, time to eat.  Not that hungry today.

Cinammon-Sugar and Cream Cheese Bagel: Grainy, a bit burnt-tasting (my fault).  It's a nice blend of flavours.  The cream cheese is so soft, but I find chewing laborious and painful.  Stopped early.  Really high.  Bye for now, YOU!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 8

Hello there.  I am going to watch an episode of Frasier and hopefully an ASMR video so I am excited for that.  I wonder if ASMR is good high.  Without further ado, I give you...

Mrs. Vickies Sweet Chili and Sour Cream Chips: crunchy texture, brittle and snapable, sometimes has a weird aftertaste.  More savoury and flavourful than spicy.  The first flavour that hits my tongue is very serious; it means business.  Good, but more for the feeling of chewing than the flavour, which is more prominent sober for some reason.

Marzipan: I love this stuff obsessively addictive sober, so its even worse high.  Half a tube was already gone from the past few days, but tonight I decide to finish the entire second half instead of saving it for a recipe.  I'm just ramming it into my mouth nonstop, with awkward finger digs from the moist, malleable substance.  Sweet, almondy, delicious.  I love Marzipan...  The side of it smells like beeswax and lemon.

Have a good day while I have a good sleep!

Next time: We review a banana....................... peel................................ :(

P.S. ASMR is good high, but better sober.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 7

Hello my "loyal" followers-of-none.  How are the voids of your lives doing today?  Today we shall review some of the most delicious foods known to man; strawberries and Kraft Dinner Alfredo.  Begin!

Strawberries: Tart and then sweet.  They have the same feeling as raspberries; delicious yet pure and healthy.  So moist and juicy with a chewy yet crunchy texture, especially at the narrowest part of the strawberry.  Your mouth subtly explodes with juice during each bite.

Kraft Dinner Alfredo: Mmmmm...  That's just right with a side of perfection.  Bam!  Right in the kisser!  So good.  This dish is so creamy and flavourful; I can taste the garlic and oregano blending with other flavours.  Cozy warm on my tongue.  The noodles are slick with creamy sauce.  I think I need to be alone with this dish for a while... ;)

Next time: We eat pirate skulls and bones, sticks and stones and weed and bombs!  Honestly all I wanna do is *bang* *bang *bang* *bang* and *click* *Kaching!* and take your money.

Sorry!

Out of product.  Will post tomorrow!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 6

Veerrrry hiiiigggh.  Wow.  Um, I don't think any alcohol will be needed tonight. *wink*  I love the Mars Voltaaa!

Popcorn (President's Choice, if you must know): butter.  Butter.  Mmmmm... Mmmmmm....  I'll be back in a few minutes, gentlemen...

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 5

It's night and time to be a pig.  Nom nom nom...

Jersey Milk Chocolate: My mouth is watering as I eat this.  Ohhh, yes.  Chocolatey but not too rich or sweet.  I want more but I only gave myself two pieces (the last of the bar).  Oh well, more sweets coming...

Hot Lips: Candy, lovely candy.  It sticks to my teeth a bit.  Cinnamon is drifting up my tongue.  I love these candies.  They're one of the few gummies that use carnauba wax instead of gelatin and they taste wonderful.  It's my favourite thing about the Valentine's season.  Well, there aren't too many things I adore about the Valentine's season...  They taste like a greeting card or a gift shop, in a way.  It's hard to stop eating these.

Twistos Snack Bites, Parmesan and Garlic: Oh wow, these are awesome.  Weird fishy aftertaste.  Garlicky.  I want to suck the flavour out of each one.  I feel like I'm on the verge of a flavour breakthrough.  My mind is cheering me on for another bowl.  Ok.

Next time!  We eat a load of dishes.