Stoner Food Reviews, Day 15

Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, The Neighbourhood and Disturbed.  I'm eclectic...

Hello there.  Today is unintentionally pirate-themed as I am going to be eating an apple and drinking some rum.  Actually, I don't know if apples are pirate food, probably quite the opposite because fresh fruit didn't last long for soldiers sailing for months, but, ah, fuck it, it isn't pirate-themed...  I guess it's because I saw Barbarossa eating an apple in Pirates of the Carribean and my mind made this jump to:

Pirate = apple eater

Sorry about that.  I'm not eating that much food, because I just had a large portion of delicious tortellini.  If I feel hungry enough for anything after this, I might have a bit of it.  The little munchies fairy in my mind is telling me to ditch the apple and go for the tortellini.  Eat a little bowl of it!  However, my curious, adventurous mind wants me to tell you what an apple tastes like high.  So, maybe I'll appease both.  And my excesses, wasting-time fairy will love that decision.  Time to eat.

Royal Gala Apple: Initial piney taste.  Now it tastes refreshing and watery.  Yup, definitely tastes like an apple.  Crispy.  Hard to describe, I don't think I can taste it as well.  This is probably the healthiest thing I've eaten so far, and honestly, it's a bit confusing to eat.

Captain Morgan's Dark Rum (just a shot!  I'm not going crazy with the alcohol, since I had a vodka shot earlier): When I tried this sober, I remember it tasting way better than most rums I've had.  More flavourful and tasting of caramel.  Let's try it again now.  I get the kick almost right away, as is the case with most hard liquors.  It warms my throat like an oral fireplace.  I don't think I like it as much now.  It's got that subtle taste of hand sanitizer.  Mmm...  I can taste the caramel, too.  My head is buzzing.  Good god, it smells much better than it tastes, even when I'm only getting a second-long sniff.    I take a longer sip and my whole body loosens a bit; it smells gorgeous, so fragrant.  This smell could be made into a perfume.  Oh God, it's like Cardamom.  Each sniff makes me slightly faint.  Smelly slightly of vanilla.  My eyes are twitching like crazy.  That was one of my better experiences with hard liquor.

Will I do it?  Aw, heck.  Who could turn down something as delicious as this:

Baked Tortellini with Tomato Sauce: So delicious.  Initially tastes like tomato and dough.  Mmmmm...  Sweet and doughy.  Cheesy.  I sure love adjectives.  Warm.  Sometimes it is firm and chewy; I love that texture.  It's also soft sometimes. Mmmmm... the cheese is sweet, or maybe it's the basil that was sprinkled on top.  Or both.  Very hot at times.  I almost burned my tongue, but it's oh so good.  I really don't like the green ones at much.  They taste too vegetably.  I know, I'm such a picky person.  Eating all the green ones first so I get them over with.  The leftovers are less firm and chewy.  I love it when I can taste the basil.  That was lovely.  It was hearty, like a good soup, which is what that bowl is usually used for.

Next time!  We eat century-old pot brownies.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 12/Actor Obsessions

May I just say right now, Steve Buscemi is the hottest actor ever.  He's so dreamy.  Ha, now I sound like someone from the 'fifties.  He's so talented.  I saw him in Fargo and then in Ghost World and I thought, "that is true range."  His eyes, his blue, drooping eyelid eyes are so sad and expressive.

I scoured his wikipedia biography for signs of tragedy in his life, but, other than a violent bar fight, some jail time for protesting and Monsters University, his life seems quaint, pleasant and just a little bit boring.  Sure, I should have probably looked on other websites for a more thorough biography, which I may do later, but maybe he just had a really decent life.  Or... he rarely talks about his personal life or past other than schooling and being a firefighter, so no one knows about his life.  I just know something tragic has happened to him, looking into his pleading, defeated eyes, his eyes that long for a sweet and loyal love.  I know his heart has been broken and his mind torn to pieces at least once.  OR..... his face is permanently made to look like he is pleading and defeated and longing and his eyes are the only facial features telling the story of his emotions, so he is stuck in one emotion.  He probably doesn't always project those tragedy eyes, but it's as if he can just call up vivid memories of his past and use it for accuracy when he acts.  Anyway, that is my next actor phase.

And the great thing about obsessing over Steve Buscemi, as opposed to previous actor obsessions (alright, confession time: Cary Elwes, Rick Moranis, Steve Carell, Michael J. Fox, Jack McBrayer, Rick Mercer, Alan Rickman, Johnny Depp.  The biggest, most obsessive one was Jack McBrayer.  There is something terrifying yet adorable and charming about him that I love.), is that unlike an actor like Jack McBrayer, Steve Buscemi actually consistently does quality movies that I am more likely to want to sit through.  For example, 90% of Buscemi's movies, I plan to see and probably will, while I'll probably watch half of Jack McBrayer's roles because he's doing so much children's television and just shitty B-list movies that don't do well on Rotten Tomatoes.  That's the reason I won't be watching Savannah.  I guess I trust Rotten Tomatoes too much.  They just are accurate so often, I rarely disagree.  Their Brain Candy rating was unfair, I think, but other than that, they're quite accurate.  He's on Conan, too, but I just can't sit through a talk show.  I'd kill myself first.  They're so vapid and superficial and urgh.  I hate them.  I think interviewing celebrities is so much better when you remove the visual and it's about thoughts and ideas instead of new looks, hairdos, useless products to promote, etc.  So I prefer the reputable magazine interviews, radio interviews, etc.  Time to eat the food.

Food In This Spread: Cinnamon Heart Candy, Palmer Caramel Valentine Chocolates, Oatmeal Crisp (Almond) Cereal, shot of Cointreau:

Oh, did I mention that the Cinnamon Hearts were 30 cents and the chocolates (which had filled the bowl earlier) were $1.50.  Love it when candy goes on sale.  

Lets' go...

Cereal: Tastes so nourishing.  I'm just devouring it.  It's just... sweet and delicious and oatmeally and crunchy.

Cinnamon Hearts: Mmmmmm.... Warm, sweet cinnamon.  If anything tastes like Valentine's Day, it is this exact candy.  I just mentally think of the taste of this candy when people say Valentine's Day.  Ooohhh....  I've got heartburn and a burnt tongue, but it's so good.  I'm not sucking them right now, I'm too impatient and I'm just chewing them.  They're better that way anyway; they lose their flavour towards the end if you suck on them.  My mouth is fiery hot.  I think I'm done.  No, 2 more.  God, they taste exquisite.  There's something almost buttery to their cinnamon-sugary flavour.

Chocolate: I swayed a bit at the first mouthful; tiredness or ecstasy?  Mmmmm.... Somewhere in the middle of consuming these, there's some kind of pop in the flavour and it just hits you that this ranks around your top ten chocolate experiences.  My thoughts are really hard to follow right now...  All I know is they are saying "more chocolate!  More chocolate!  I did not get a decent review... or quantity of delicious chocolate."  But there is none left.  My family gobbled them up and so did I.

AL-KEY-HALL: (eg. alcohol) Time to get a bit buzzed.  I'm sipping it because I can get more tipsy that way.  Tastes a little bit fizzy.  Is that possible?  Weird.  No, I'm imaging it.  I just don't know if I like this flavour.  It's not quite a perfect mockery of the taste of an orange and tastes almost like Flintstones vitamins.  Yeah, I think I'll go for a beer next morning/afternoon.  Geez...  At least it has that alcohol taste to drown out the kids' vitamin taste a bit.

Ok, hopefully I can get 6 hours of sleep before work.

Next time! Better call Kenny Loggins because we're going to be eating... the DANGER ZONE.

Culinary criticism... and praise

I went to Williams for breakfast at 11 am today and ordered a Strawberry Caramel Waffle.  I knew I would enjoy it, but I didn't expect it to be heaven on a plate!

It was perfect.  I don't think I could offer any criticism except more strawberries.

The ingredients?  Freshly made waffle, strawberry syrup, strawberries, caramel, two scoops of vanilla ice cream, whipping cream and icing sugar.

In a word: amazing.  Five stars!

Probably not at all healthy, but it was fucking delicious and it made my day!

And I wasn't too bloated when I was finished either, but that might have been because of how much my stomach stretched last night...

Last night I went to an Indian restaurant in Brampton called "Tandoori Flame."  It was an all-you-can-eat buffet with 150 items!  Basically Mandarin only with Indian food.  And since Indian food is pretty much my favourite type of cuisine, I was in paradise!

They had all my favourites, like chana masala, basmati rice, gulab jamun, garlic naan, cute mini samosas, etc, but they also had unique things I'd never tried before, like this really tasty black lentil dish and some kind of curried potato and cauliflower dish.  I was going to do four trips, two for main course, one for soup (dal) and the last one for dessert, but by my second trip (where I had taken a large helping of chana masala, my all time favourite) I was ready to surrender.

But I had to have my gulab jamun!  That's my other all-time favourite!  So I drank a LOT of water, and went to the bathroom and ate watermelon and sat for a long time, but I was so full it was painful!  It hurt to stand up!  Indian food is so filling!  So I had one gulab jamun, which tasted amazing, and gave the other to my brother.  Everything was cooked so well.  Very warm and spicy and full of flavour.

There were two things I didn't see: Mulligatwony (sp?) soup and Pakora.  But pakora isn't really one of my favourites, although Mulliagatwony is.  Definitely on my top 5 restaurants list, which has just formed in my brain now.  Five stars!  It was great.  I just have to know my limits next time.  Small servings, don't be a hero...

This talk of food is making me hungry.  Time for lunch!