Stoner Food Reviews, Day 29

Listening to: Indie Rock Station

Hello peeps.  I am so hungry and so high.  The deadly combo.  Today, the dishes are... cereal and chocolate!

 Alpha Bits: Sweet, crunchy and the milk complements it and moistens it so well.  It's kind of like eating bones, but they are fluffier, sweeter, more Disneyfied.  This is poetry in a bowl.  So simple but so great.  I think I might have seconds.  My head is exploding with happiness, stretching.  The milk at the bottom is sweet and delicious, I notice as I suck it back.  That was nice.

Cadbury Dairy Milk (Caramel Popcorn flavour): Mmmm....  That's good.  The popcorn flavour really pops and the chocolate is so smooth and sweet.  I love the contrast in texture between the chocolate and popcorn.  The popcorn also adds a saltiness and a butteriness.

That was a wonderful snack.  It definitely satisfied my sweet tooth.  I think I will have a second bowl of those Alpha Bits.  Goodnight stoners (and people marked under the category "other")!

Next time: We stop doing the "next time"s.  They are lame and also kind of plagiarism.

Sorry again!

Out of product again due to poor planning!  I will hopefully post tomorrow but if not, I will definitely return in the next few days.

Stay smoky, my friends, and remember to take 'er easy.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 14

Hola, amigos!  Che pasa?  Listening to lots of Spanish music today, or quasi-Spanish music.  Check out my list of green, 420-friendly music on...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qTyKS-5MQY&list=PLxAuGKM6Qs9kjSMnLahsUYg4x4Js1J75n

Always adding music to that list.  

Pretzels: Mmmm....  Crunchy, savoury and, of course, salty but not overly salty.  Gets too salty in the last few bites.  

Celestial Seasonings Sugar Plum Spice Holiday Tea: I got this for sale at the grocery store I work at, from the lingering seasonal clearance items.  Looking forward to sleeping.  Nice and flavourful.  I can sense so many nice herbs when I taste and smell.  Spicy, like cardamom and cinnamon.  Somewhat fruity as well.  It gets sweeter as I go deeper.  Done.

Next time we eat a Pikachu.  :(  Just kidding, that's mean.  Next time we eat a Men's Rights Activist.  Whew, now I feel better.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 13

Listening to: Rufus Wainwright.

You know, as I read my last few posts I don't think I sound that out of it and weird.  I actually write quite articulately when I'm high, even if I remembered feeling like I was on another planet; completely incapacitated.

Today's slop is...

Lasagna!  Yeah, I know, it looks pretty sloppy, but high people are lazy so that's what you get, looking for amazing photography on a stoner blog...  You people are nuts.

That is what is left of the casserole, after it was ruthlessly devoured by my dad and his maniacal girlfriend and my two fucking shit-for-brains brothers.  I didn't mean that.  Sorry.

 Lasagna: Warm and hearty.  Chewy.  It oozes with cheese.  Nice flavour.  Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay, pretty good.  Difficult to eat.  It was good but not the best lasagna I've had.  

Next time!  We eat an Arcade Fire.  

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 12/Actor Obsessions

May I just say right now, Steve Buscemi is the hottest actor ever.  He's so dreamy.  Ha, now I sound like someone from the 'fifties.  He's so talented.  I saw him in Fargo and then in Ghost World and I thought, "that is true range."  His eyes, his blue, drooping eyelid eyes are so sad and expressive.

I scoured his wikipedia biography for signs of tragedy in his life, but, other than a violent bar fight, some jail time for protesting and Monsters University, his life seems quaint, pleasant and just a little bit boring.  Sure, I should have probably looked on other websites for a more thorough biography, which I may do later, but maybe he just had a really decent life.  Or... he rarely talks about his personal life or past other than schooling and being a firefighter, so no one knows about his life.  I just know something tragic has happened to him, looking into his pleading, defeated eyes, his eyes that long for a sweet and loyal love.  I know his heart has been broken and his mind torn to pieces at least once.  OR..... his face is permanently made to look like he is pleading and defeated and longing and his eyes are the only facial features telling the story of his emotions, so he is stuck in one emotion.  He probably doesn't always project those tragedy eyes, but it's as if he can just call up vivid memories of his past and use it for accuracy when he acts.  Anyway, that is my next actor phase.

And the great thing about obsessing over Steve Buscemi, as opposed to previous actor obsessions (alright, confession time: Cary Elwes, Rick Moranis, Steve Carell, Michael J. Fox, Jack McBrayer, Rick Mercer, Alan Rickman, Johnny Depp.  The biggest, most obsessive one was Jack McBrayer.  There is something terrifying yet adorable and charming about him that I love.), is that unlike an actor like Jack McBrayer, Steve Buscemi actually consistently does quality movies that I am more likely to want to sit through.  For example, 90% of Buscemi's movies, I plan to see and probably will, while I'll probably watch half of Jack McBrayer's roles because he's doing so much children's television and just shitty B-list movies that don't do well on Rotten Tomatoes.  That's the reason I won't be watching Savannah.  I guess I trust Rotten Tomatoes too much.  They just are accurate so often, I rarely disagree.  Their Brain Candy rating was unfair, I think, but other than that, they're quite accurate.  He's on Conan, too, but I just can't sit through a talk show.  I'd kill myself first.  They're so vapid and superficial and urgh.  I hate them.  I think interviewing celebrities is so much better when you remove the visual and it's about thoughts and ideas instead of new looks, hairdos, useless products to promote, etc.  So I prefer the reputable magazine interviews, radio interviews, etc.  Time to eat the food.

Food In This Spread: Cinnamon Heart Candy, Palmer Caramel Valentine Chocolates, Oatmeal Crisp (Almond) Cereal, shot of Cointreau:

Oh, did I mention that the Cinnamon Hearts were 30 cents and the chocolates (which had filled the bowl earlier) were $1.50.  Love it when candy goes on sale.  

Lets' go...

Cereal: Tastes so nourishing.  I'm just devouring it.  It's just... sweet and delicious and oatmeally and crunchy.

Cinnamon Hearts: Mmmmmm.... Warm, sweet cinnamon.  If anything tastes like Valentine's Day, it is this exact candy.  I just mentally think of the taste of this candy when people say Valentine's Day.  Ooohhh....  I've got heartburn and a burnt tongue, but it's so good.  I'm not sucking them right now, I'm too impatient and I'm just chewing them.  They're better that way anyway; they lose their flavour towards the end if you suck on them.  My mouth is fiery hot.  I think I'm done.  No, 2 more.  God, they taste exquisite.  There's something almost buttery to their cinnamon-sugary flavour.

Chocolate: I swayed a bit at the first mouthful; tiredness or ecstasy?  Mmmmm.... Somewhere in the middle of consuming these, there's some kind of pop in the flavour and it just hits you that this ranks around your top ten chocolate experiences.  My thoughts are really hard to follow right now...  All I know is they are saying "more chocolate!  More chocolate!  I did not get a decent review... or quantity of delicious chocolate."  But there is none left.  My family gobbled them up and so did I.

AL-KEY-HALL: (eg. alcohol) Time to get a bit buzzed.  I'm sipping it because I can get more tipsy that way.  Tastes a little bit fizzy.  Is that possible?  Weird.  No, I'm imaging it.  I just don't know if I like this flavour.  It's not quite a perfect mockery of the taste of an orange and tastes almost like Flintstones vitamins.  Yeah, I think I'll go for a beer next morning/afternoon.  Geez...  At least it has that alcohol taste to drown out the kids' vitamin taste a bit.

Ok, hopefully I can get 6 hours of sleep before work.

Next time! Better call Kenny Loggins because we're going to be eating... the DANGER ZONE.

Sorry!

Out of product.  Will post tomorrow!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 4

Happy Hump day/Wednesday.  Once again, it is late in the day for me, because I have poor planning and self-control.  There, I admitted it.

Today I shall be reviewing this:

Havana Club rum: Bitter, rich aftertaste, tastes slightly sweet, warms up my throat as it goes down, it evens buzzes my nose with warmth as it goes down, not that good-tasting (I prefer Sambuca or Cinnamon Schnapps), tastes a bit like frogs as it goes down, I can't imagine trying to get drunk on a bottle of this, I think I'd gag; good thing it's just a small sample.  Glad that's over.  I really don't get why people like the appeal to the taste of hard liquor.  Sure, it's faster than other drinks and therefore more convenient, but I think that sacrifices a lot in terms of taste.  Some hard liquors are tasty, but most are abysmal.  I'm sure many people will call me an idiot, but it's better to be honest about what you like and don't like.  Don't pretend to like something if you don't understand the appeal.

I might have a snack with this.  Let's take a looksie...  

Toast with butter and strawberry jam: I can't comprehend eating with my left for some reason.  I'll try.  Ok.  Better. Sugary, strawberry flavour, it sticks to my lips.  When the butter and strawberry meet, it's like everything in the universe is good.  Not the best bread, which can take away from the flavour.  I love the evening.  That was lovely.  It's best on blueberry bagels, though.

Goodnight, stoners of the world!

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 3

Hello again anyone who is randomly reading this!  It's that time again; the time to get baked and get baking.  Today, I have stayed up late (until 6 pm... so sad...) making Maple Syrup Muffins.  I've made this several times before and they are my little brother's favourite.  There were more muffins on that plate but they disappeared as I set up to snap the picture:

If you want to make them yourself, they are from an old 'eighties cookbook called Muffin Mania.  Unfortunately, it might be hard to get since it's so old.  They have copies on Amazon selling for anywhere in between $60 and $1000.

http://www.amazon.ca/Muffin-Mania-Cathy-Pauli-Prange/dp/096914850X

But if you live in Toronto, you can get it for a more reasonable price at certain addresses:

http://www.thestar.com/life/2008/09/03/muffin_mania_continues_unabated.html

The above was written sober, because I had to post pictures.  Anyway, I'll be back once I'm in the proper state of mind...

Okay, I'm high, but not as high as usual today.  Sorry.  :(

It's so weird looking at a picture of something you're eating as you eat it, especially if it's the exact muffin you are eating.  Trippy.

Maple Syrup Muffin: Wow, it's really hot.  Burning my tongue (I just microwaved it).  I'll wait a bit.  Check Facebook.  Tasted like a lizard at first, but now it's really yummy and warm.  Eh, maybe lizards taste good when they're cooked right.  Who knows?  The icing is really buttery.  I'm as baked as this muffin.  This is like a less sweet version of those Popcorn Muffins I made a while ago.  Delicious.  Now to chase it with something else.

Little Glass of Milk: Not too much flavour, but it goes nicely with the aftertaste of the muffin.  Maybe I should have been taking sips of the milk as I ate the muffin!  I think I'll do that actually.  Nice combo of hot and cold, but the flavour does not change to me.  Just tasting each flavour separately.

Beer (President's Choice Light, I sure love my PC products, don't I?  I wonder if Progressive Conservatives are more likely to buy PC products...):  Too much sweetness, have to get rid of the taste.  Tart, sudsy, foamy, savoury, yeasty, beer hits the spot.  Really starting to feel ready for bed.  I feel like a heaviness is being draped over me.  Hard to describe the taste of beer.  When I was a kid it was just weird tasting stuff that was watered down a lot.  Now it's a lot more, because it's one of the drinks that I really drink for the taste, but it's hard to say what I like about it.  I guess how much liquid it is and how it fills you so much and tastes so meaty.

Time for Arrested Development and bed.

Stoner Food Reviews, Day 2

Hello again.  It's been a difficult and stressful day of work and I think all night owls (fuck off day people, I'm not talking to you!) are ready for a nice night of smoky relaxation and beautiful, flabbergasting, indulgent munchies.

Just to let you guys know, I am writing while high, not sober, for the full effect.  I will not edit out anything dumb I say because it's too funny to not include, even typos or grammar/spelling errors, which will annoy my inner grammar nazi to no end.

So without further ado, I bring you...

President's Choice Mac and Cheese Deluxe Cheddar: I was getting wet just pouring it into the bowl and then, since I was listening to "Make it Bun Dem" By Damien Marley and Skrillex, I start dancing really awesomely and awkwardly.  Now to eat.  God it looks good.  Oh my God.  I need a fleet of trucks filled with this cheesy deliciousness in a box.  Warm, toasty in my mouth.  Oh man, I've got to write something down...  The supreme mac and cheese.  The top ranked.  The most buttery and immaculate.  My God I loooove this food...  Must stop talking and start eating.  Oh it was wonderful.  It's my wonder wall.  It's my wonder wall.  Because time is going slower, it seems like there is a lot of food that takes a long time to consume.  Really spectacular dish!

Linden Bay Shiraz (To the laymen: red, red wine.  Stay close to me.): Weird, tart.  The wine is purple, not red.  Well, duh.  I've known that for years.  "Red, red wine" is a nice song but if I were in Jamaica, the last drink I'd be reaching for would be red wine.  I'd go for a beer or a margarita, something tropical.  The mac and cheese was better.  Just sayin'!

Well, good afternoon all and hope you have a great day ahead of you because I have a great sleep ahead of me.

Next time: We eat expired Cheese Whiz!!  Not worried for my well being because I just ate a full box of mac and cheese!  I can withstand the artificial cheese of the Kraft and President's Choice companies easily because my stomach has become used to their wonky ingredients!  I developed a resistance to iocane, I mean Kraft Dinner ingredients!  Ha!  Ha!  You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!  Ciao!